Hey all, I’ve been dealing with something for a while now and I’m not sure how to improve it or even just make it manageable. Any advice, opinions, or personal experiences are welcome.
I’m 22F, my partner is 25M, and we’ve been together for almost 4 years. When we first started dating, I honestly only went into it thinking it would be a fling — and back then his sex drive matched mine perfectly. Every time we saw each other, I could count on us being intimate, and I liked it that way.
About 3 weeks into knowing him, I had some serious medical issues come up. He really stepped up and took care of me, which meant a lot. During that time I completely understood why he wasn’t comfortable having sex, but the problem is… even though I’ve been healthy for about 2.5 years now, our sex life has never gone back to what it was.
These days I basically have to beg for sex, and when it does happen, it feels forced, rushed, and lacking intimacy. We average maybe once every month and a half, and it absolutely kills me. I’ve tried talking to him from every angle — medical concerns, sexual preferences, even gently suggesting the idea of an open relationship — but every time it either turns into an argument or he completely shuts down.
For context, I don’t think it’s a matter of attraction — I’ve been told I’m conventionally attractive by pretty much every guy I’ve come into contact with (whether they’re bluffing or not, I’m not sure). The lack of intimacy feels less about me and more about something going on with him, but I can’t get him to talk about it.
The frustration is starting to spill into other areas of my life. I’ll find myself uncontrollably wet at work, agitated, and constantly thinking about sex. I don’t even feel comfortable pleasing myself at home because our schedules and living situation don’t give me much privacy, and his overall attitude toward sex makes me self-conscious about it.
I love him, but I also hate that I’ve started seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship just to cope. I’ve told him how this affects my mental and physical health, but nothing has changed. I don’t know what else to do. Has anyone else dealt with something like this, or found a way through it?