This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I don’t believe in the kind of romantic love for me anymore. And I don’t say that as if I came from a bitter situation, but I’m on day 8 of recovering from my spinal surgery, as well as finding out that I have cancer, which the doctors are currently finding out if the cancer is more reactive to chemo, medicine, etc treatment. I will await for those results and move forward accordingly, only positive thoughts.
However when I really look at my life. I just feel like there’s no room for any sort of love from a partner. Only from friends and family, and I think I’m just coming to terms with that. My ex came and saw me while I was in the hospital, and that was okay, but I just have no more romantic feelings for her anymore. As a friend/close colleague? Sure. But I just feel so aromantic right now. There’s so much on my plate at the moment. And I’m happy for everyone in my immediate circle who has gotten married, had a family, etc, however that may have manifested for them, that’s great.
But I just feel so tired. I have the support of my friends and family and I feel like that’s all I need.
I posted on these daily sticky threads a few times about a first date that went decently, but how the guy was way too heavy-handed with compliments and it made me feel uncomfortable. I told him directly that it made me uncomfortable and he apologized profusely and even apologized in-person on the second date. Things seemed to be going well last night. We went to an art exhibit I had found and then he took me to a dinner place he liked nearby. Both sides of my family (different cultures) are big eating cultures, so I never think anything of people encouraging me to eat. In fact, I’m usually the person encouraging people to have one more taste of their food, another pour of coffee, a little dessert, etc. Last night was the first time in my life that I’ve felt uncomfortable being told to eat more.
My date kept pushing for me to have a little more food, which at first I welcomed. However, soon he was *staring* at me while I ate, with a bizarre expression. Between that and a few other comments that I had previously thought were reasonable (“food is my love language,” “I like when women eat,” and “everything I love gains weight”) I think he is one of those people who has a feeding fetish or whatever it’s called.
I will be telling him that I don’t think we’re a match, but it’s really made me feel gross today. I am slightly overweight (BMI of 25.8, I’m tall (5’9″/175 cm) and it’s mostly held in butt/hips/boobs so I’m not visibly very big. I’m a US size 8-12 depending on the brand.) but am very active and have been working with a personal trainer for a few weeks to change my training plan to get a bit leaner. Now I wonder if I’m much bigger than I think, if I attracted someone into this.
The weirdest part was that this guy was extremely fit and athletic. He works in public health, doesn’t eat red meat or drink, does triathlons, eats clean, etc. I’m so confused and a little ashamed, but I’m glad I figured it out now.
Yesterday the guy I’m seeing had to hop on a call and he told me he didn’t need privacy, so u was still near. He said “so my girl…I mean, the girl I’m seeing” 🤭 I texted him about it later and told him that was very cute. He texted back “you caught that? Be careful or I’m going to pull that trigger so fast.”
He’s very sweet and I really enjoy him. I don’t feel anxious around or about him at all. I defensively pulled back a bit last week (unintentionally) and he drew a boundary, told me he won’t accept hot and cold behavior if we are going to become serious. That’s when I realized I’m actually into him, because that level of awareness, self respect, and communication is so attractive to me.
Will it last? Who knows. But it’s really nice.
I’ve really been struggling with self blame this week.. for not starting to date intentionally earlier in my 20s, not knowing how to be social and cool in high school/college, not getting over my body image issues earlier, for taking my parents’ criticisms to heart too much instead of being confident, basically all the reasons it’s my fault that I’m now in my early 30s looking for my first relationship which is obviously going to be far more difficult than it would have been had I known what I was doing, or even really been trying or paying attention to dating in college and my early 20s. No one really told me I should be trying or asked me if I was dating but I still feel like everyone else knew and was doing it, so I should have been too. I should have had a thicker skin about everything and not been so sensitive and reactive, etc etc.
The outlook just feels so bleak for me right now and maybe the only source of control I feel is to internalize and blame myself for it. I reopened Tinder again last night purely out of feeling lonely but it was just a reminder of how hard it is for me to get a single reasonable match/message and why exactly it’s been so hard to date.
After getting a divorce, I feel like I need to learn how to date again. I even considered taking a course, but all dating coaches sound so sketchy.
I was married for 3 years and dated him for 4 years before that. I am in my mid-thirties and still making sense of the dating experience at this age. I miss having a partner, the physical part and also the company to do silly stuff. I wish I could jump right to this part!
It got worse because I was chatting with a man for nearly one month and we went on a first date. We exchanged messages after that, both saying how we appreciated meeting each other. I sent another message the next day and got ghosted. For someone who told me the value of communication and honesty, I thought this was a terrible move. I am still recovering from that. I know it’s more about his insecurities than my flaws, but it still hurts.
I’m glad I found this subreddit, it helps to see other people are going through the same things that I am 😀
Guy I’m having sort of a long distance thing with (no labels, unofficial bc it’s indefinite) went radio silent for nearly a week for the second week in a row (after daily contact) and I did an ok enough job not taking it personally or spiraling into “oh he’s not into this and he’s choosing not to talk to me/he’s found someone else/he’s gonna do a 180 like I’ve experienced before”
He resurfaced this morning and apologized and it was the most likely explanation, he’s just been underwater and going through it, and trying to get help. And like damn, you mean to tell me I can just trust he’s gonna stick around and everything he said about how he feels about me is 100% true? Have I really found a good one that wants to work through his shit without putting it on me so that we can actually try being together someday??
I hope he can visit soon I miss him so bad
Been dating 2 women last few months. One wants to go slow, out of a ltr of 8 years, so we have cute dates, fun, and kiss at the end. It’s been 5-6 dates and I’d like to keep seeing her/can see something long term. I feel like I’m cheating though, as the only way I’m ok with going slow is I’m sleeping with the other woman. She is a business corporate lawyer who just wants to meet and bang mostly. Wants to have a family but is too deep in her career. She’s fun and wild, and likes to have drinks and have lots of wild sex. But she’s emotionally distant and needs me to go slow in that department. Both of them are in and out of town a lot, and communication is ok. Neither like to text. I feel like I’m dating 2 people to get 1 actual person..
Today is finally moving day. My ex of 2 years is moving out. I dont understand – theres not something specific im thinking about & I broke up w him – but im in my bathroom with a Recess (too early to drink and I have to work so not pot) crying w my dog. How do ppl do this more than once? My place is a wreck, things r seemingly missing, and im left with a missing 2 years and looking at crazy ppl on Hinge. (One person said his 50 lb dog gets up on tables n growls when u say no, n tried to act like that was ok?)
Seriously, how do ppl do it 😞