I recently entered a relationship about 3 months ago with a man that is about 3 years older than me (23M, 20F). This is definitely a change for me and my dating history, but he does a lot of things for me and genuinely cares about me. However– I am starting to notice something that has been bothering me recently. He tends to make statements that can seem braggy and cocky that don't always add up… and could be possibly lying. First, some examples of these comments that are very arrogant:
"I'm much more ahead of other guys my age"
"I make more working (here) than the average family household income in America"
We worked in a restaurant together, and he was always the person that had the highest sales but never helped do side-work or run food. It ended up making me feel very down, because I constantly struggled balancing the side work and tables and he would always reinforce how he was the best server there and the managers would always go to him for advice. I even said one time that I was feeling better about my work ethic when the manager starting respecting me more, and he told me it was because I was dating him and the manager knows he woudn't choose a partner of poor character.
But– he does always give money to homeless people and once bought the homeless person food when we were together. Would an arrogant person really do this?
I recently had an event with my friends (like a formal dance at my college) and I invited him. He got along with people after getting into an argument about how he wouldn't like these "frat" guys because they barely know anything about stocks and they are still getting money from their parents, where he makes a couple hundred a day (he tells me) on the stock market. The entire time, he was trying to "recruit" one of my friends dates to be an intern at the company he is going to work with after he graduates this year. I felt like it was very performative and he tried asserting his dominance. He also told my friend how much money he will be making as an insurance agent, which is what he interned to do (which is extremely selective he told me, so I don't know why he was recruiting someone random, lol). He told me he was going to be making upwards of 300,000 after 2 years of work, which was an interesting statement when I have repeatedly told him I do not care about income at all.
He told me he got into these top Ivy-League schools but proceeded to go to a small in-state school that wasn't nationally known (nothing wrong with that, but it just didn't make sense). One of my friends is an admissions person at my school and was able to see if he applied to the school I go to (that he claimed he got a full ride towards) and there was no history of him applying (until when he transferred from his old school to community college and another school). He is smart and driven, and I applaud him for that but wonder how fraudulent this could be.
I also asked him for help on my chemistry homework over text, where he sent an in-detail response to the problem. But, when I was studying with him in person, he didn't know any of it anymore. Was he just looking it up to impress me?
I brought these behaviors up to him and told him I felt like he was relying on convincing me he was "different" as his self-identity. I told him he didn't need to remind me he was "different" and I love him for his intrinsic qualities. He told me I am sensitive to money and that after his rough upbringing, he is allowed to pride himself on "beating the statistics" which say he shouldn't have anything he has currently. He has done well for himself and is about to graduate college which is a great achievement! He just didn't understand when I tried talking about how his attitude could be percieved by other people and how it could rub off on me poorly (especially when many of my friends noticed it at the event we went to).
I often feel like it subconsciously devalues me and makes me feel like I need to pay special attention to the arrogant things he says. It gives me the heeby-jeebies and makes me feel very closed-off. He has made comments before about how if I realized how intelligent and pretty I was, I wouldn't be with him. These are extremely harmful comments because he believes I have a low-self esteem (which he has told me, and I am very secure in myself) and says that he is just a confident man. Is this something I can chat with him more about? Is this a result of a relationship insecurity?
TL;DR : My boyfriend thinks he is "different" and better than people his age for numerous reasons, but sees comments like that as confident instead of cocky. They rub me the wrong way and make me devalue myself. How do I get him to realize other people notice and comment on his behavior?