I have been married to my 54M spouse for 20+ years. Ever since we got married, domestic stuff has fallen to me. It has only gotten worse over the years. I make dinner 5 times a week – and clean up afterwards, drive the kids to their medical appointments, drive one to school due to a medical issue, drive the girls to their afternoon activities, etc, etc. Meanwhile, my husband comes home at 7 pm or later every night and acts like it is fine. I make him a plate, and he can't be bothered to put the condiments away. He has the time to play video games for 3 hours a night, though. I have talked to him about it. Had fights about it. He makes small changes for a week or so, then he reverts to his ways. We tried couples counseling years ago – he decided that it costs too much and "took too much time," so that ended. Right now, I am financially dependent on him – I got laid off in April. I am doing some gig economy things, but it barely covers gas (he always leaves the car on fumes when he uses it).
I usually can roll with it, but lately, I have had panic attacks and tear-filled breakdowns because it is just too much. I am in therapy, but all my therapist has suggested is going on a solo vacation – I can't afford it, so it isn't feasible, plus it is a band-aid since I will come home to the same situation. I feel this is my fault because I took on the domestic duties because he grew up with his mom doing them, and that's his expectation. He acts like he solved world peace when he cooks dinner on Sundays.
I have been seriously thinking of filing for a separation, but don't want the kids to see me as the "bad guy".
Is there any way to change this after so many years of me doing everything and being silent? It is taking a major toll on my physical, emotional, and mental health.
TL/DR I am dealing with unfair distribution of labor in my marriage and am at my breaking point. Is there anything I can do to change it?