Women who have had children: what’s the most helpful thing a friend did for you after you gave birth?
October 3, 2025
Women who have had children: what’s the most helpful thing a friend did for you after you gave birth?
49 comments
All of my friends live super far away and they couldn’t fly to visit me because of school and work. I was pretty lonely because I was at home all by myself and I had PPD but even them talking to me on the phone and checking in on me and asking to see pictures of my baby was super helpful and made me feel a lot less lonely.
Bring meals already plated and ready to heat up. Bring over groceries.
Taking my laundry and bringing it back clean and folded.
Holding my baby so I could shower.
I had 2 friends flash freeze homemade muffins, soups, and casseroles in individual portions so I could have healthy meals ready for myself and husband. Everything could be heated from frozen, so it was just amazing not having to worry about meals for a month.
They didn’t push to come over and waited to be invited
A housecleaning service for two weeks (2 hrs a day, three days a week; it was my mom).
Helped watch my 4 year old while I was in the hospital. It was Covid era, so one of the best things was people staying away – I loved it.
One of my friends spent one night a week and slept in the same room as the baby so my husband and I could get a few more hours of sleep at a time! (this was when the baby was a bit older, maybe 5 months, but still! Very helpful!!!)
Right after birth, she cooked many meals for us at our house!
It’s always food. Sleep deprived and figuring out how to care for someone who is completely dependent on you, last thing you have energy to do is take care of yourself. So yeah, friends dropping off food and family staying with us and making food. Amazing.
A friend that I am very comfortable with came over and while I took a shower she changed my sheets, then when I napped/fed baby she cleaned my kitchen. It was incredible.
Clothing for toddler age. Casserole brigade.
This only works if it’s not your first, but people that helped me with child care were a tremendous help.
It was when my sister stayed a couple of weeks with me. She helped in so many ways. Specifically, she would let herself into my room, then takes my baby and leaves so I can sleep 🥹 I trusted her with everything, which was so important because I wouldn’t of been able to get any rest or pump any good amounts of milk if my baby was with someone else.
They gave me a food delivery (uber eats/grub hub etc.) card that fed us for 3-4 meals. It was perfect.
My mother in law did our laundry and cleaned and it was amazing.
This might sound silly, but when my first was born I was scared to leave the baby alone for some reason while my husband was working. I worried I’d miss something if I was in the shower or napped.
So if there’s not another parent at home all the time, offering (not demanding) to come over to fold laundry or watch the baby while Mom showers or naps or needs to take a walk is great.
Bring me a meal and clean my house
My friends all lived in a different state and sent me dinners or DoorDash gift cards or Amazon and Target gift cards.
There was a lottt of stuff I needed and didn’t realize until after giving birth. So it was nice having some gift cards when I’d be scrolling during middle of the night wakeups
Frozen meals.
My SIL gave us lasagna. Only had to be heated for 20 minutes. Lifesaver in the early postpartum days.
Cleaning while I was at they hospital so I had a clean house to come to.
Bring some prepared food with a disposable container. Like a casserole in a throw-away aluminum tray. Pop in the oven and don’t have to wash anything. Food prep was probably the most helpful thing post-partum.
Came over and took care of my baby for a few hours so that I could get some sleep. My now ex-husband wouldn’t do it, so she did.
After being constipated for 7 days, which was absolutely horrific, my work husband came to visit me. As soon as he saw me he asked the issue and I told him. He made the run to the little taco place by our work that I always had immediate stomach issues with after eating there & brought me a take away. Then after I ate & when the tacos hit, he held the baby while I evacuated the dance floor like I had never in my entire life done before. We joking call the taco plate the Poo Poo platter now. TMI, sorry.
My baby is 6 months and I spend almost all my time home alone with him.
I loved my mother’s group since I don’t have any friends nearby and I loved being able to talk to other first time moms who could relate. Sadly after only 3 meetings every member in my group decided they’d rather spend time with their friends than the mothers group that they voluntarily joined so now I don’t have that. But I enjoyed it while it lasted.
My bestie came over a few days after I got home, brought breakfast for me and my husband and made us take a nap while she watched the baby. It was amazing.
My twin brother filled the entire freezer with homemade burritos. I still cry when I think of it. Food for the first month was sorted.
I’d love if a friend called me or brought me coffee in these trenches! 🙂
Bringing food! We were so tired and sleep deprived and I couldn’t go to the bathroom without my son crying for me to hold him, let alone cook. My parents came over everyday for 2 months and there was one day they were holding the baby and my husband and I crashed out while sitting on our couch from the exhaustion. They just let us sleep for an hour and when we woke up, it gave us enough energy to get through the rest of the day. Luckily, our daughter was a MUCH better sleeper, but those first few months being new parents after having my son were ROUGH.
Tbh I just appreciate when they ask me to hang out or come hang out it can be super lonely
Little gift basket of baby essentials for when things go wrong
Some calpol medicine / and the ibrupfrofen alternative
Nappy Barrier cream
Nipple cream
Infacol
An ice pack
Vicks/ something to help with blocked noses
This is because when stuff goes wrong it’s typically the middle of the night and then you remember “oh my god FRIEND actually gave me some of that”.
Well, I don’t have friends, but my boss approved my pto, so that was cool I guess. Nobody came by unannounced either, which was awesome.
I was 1000% into my “mom-role” they encouraged me leave the baby, to go out, and take care of myself (nails, hair, spa,…)
Regularly checking in on me to ask how I’m doing. Once the baby is born, everyone’s attention tends to shift to the baby (understandable to some extent) and often moms are suddenly pretty much forgotten. Motherhood, especially for first time moms, is an earth-shattering experience, both physically and mentally, and often can be very isolating, especially during the newborn trenches. I hired help for cooking and cleaning, but I couldn’t hire friends for emotional support. I just wanted to talk to my friends and share my experiences and feelings. My close friends are either single or DINKs and I think they were trying to “give me space” but I actually really craved connection.
Instead of the constant How are you? texts, my friend would text once a day with a multiple-choice survey: A. Send me a photo of the baby. B. Tell me something awful. C. Don’t reply. It gave me a connection without the pressure to perform happiness or energy. She made sure I felt seen without making me feel like I had to host a conversation. Be the low-maintenance friend they don’t have to worry about. I love that woman 💕
Deliveroo voucher
Cook for my family.
Freezer meals, or bringing dinner over. Also, letting me sleep. Coming to hold the baby so I could nap
Arranged a meal train-we didn’t have to worry about dinners for a month it was incredible.
Came over and took photos of me and the baby.
I could’ve used someone to bring me some food to eat during that time. Possibly help with a load of laundry or watch baby for a few minutes so I could take a shower. I didn’t have anyone to help me while my husband was at work so I vowed to my baby girl that if she ever has children of her own one day I will be there to help her after she gives birth!
Honestly? Checked in after the ‘novelty’ has worn off. People stop checking in when it actually starts getting hard – around 3-4 months. Sleep regressions, learning new skills, teeth might be starting to come through etc. It doesn’t need to be a huge emotional check in, just a text to ask how I’m doing was so helpful.
My best friend disappeared entirely. I was really struggling with the lack of sleep and felt entirely unsupported by her and it made me feel so lonely. When I asked her what was going on, she got really defensive and told me it was my fault – I had a baby and now she didn’t know how to talk to me. We’re no longer friends. All I wanted for her was to care
Home cooked meals. I gave birth a few days after thanksgiving. My mom brought a giant vat of soup, my sister brought chili. Friends and family brought takeout too, which was of course incredibly nice too. But there’s nothing like being able to warm up a home cooked meal.
So I try to do something like that too whenever a close friend or family has a baby too. I made a quiche for our neighbors last October and they said they hounded it.
Calling me to check in and ask how I was doing, and try again if I didn’t answer my phone the first time.
Took me to her baby classes and introduced me to people
My friend, who had become a first time mom a year and a half before me, told me that if I find myself crying in the bathroom, wondering what’s wrong with me that I can’t do “basic” things like sooth my baby or make enough milk when the entire world and all of human history has been able to do this, that this is 100% normal/common, she went through it a lot, and that I am doing well, that I just don’t see other people when they are crying in the bathroom themselves.
My other close friends came over at like 5:30 or 6am and let me & my husband sleep on a couple of weekends. That was incredible.
The best help was when people came and cleaned baby bottles/other dishes, did the laundry, or left us some food, any food, but especially food that could be held in one hand.
Because of what I now assume was PPA (post-partum anxiety), the least helpful was when people would come to hold the baby and tell me to sleep. Because of the PPA, I was frantic when I could hear the baby crying in the other room, even though trustworthy people were with the baby. Since I couldn’t sleep, I would end up washing baby bottles or making food. In the state I was in, I would have much rather had them do those chores while I held the baby.
The comments I appreciated the most were friends saying, “I know this is hard, and you are a great mom.” The least appreciated comments were people offering up advice on whatever they thought I was doing wrong, without understanding that I had tried all those things, I had searched all of the internet, I had read all the books, and I was at the end of my rope with tiredness and doubt.
Take pictures of me holding the baby.
Someone gave me a nice thermos cup with a lid for tea. You never get to finish a whole cup while warm.
Also, with our second, taking our first born out to the playground for an hour or so. It was a godsend. He was happy and tired and I could nap while the baby did.
I needed help showering. So having someone come over to watch baby while hubby helped me get clean was a huge relief. I was 3 weeks out before I asked for help. My friend just snuggled baby on the couch while hubby helped me shower and dry my hair. I felt like a new woman. Being clean makes the world feel new again after that long.
Cleaned my house the day before I had baby, and a week after I came home with baby.
Lots of people offer to give a break and hang out with baby while you nap/shower/eat. Taking the older kiddos for some fun time while I was still down or in the hospital. Someone also brought me banana bread and a few meals for the freezer, that was pretty sweet.
49 comments
All of my friends live super far away and they couldn’t fly to visit me because of school and work. I was pretty lonely because I was at home all by myself and I had PPD but even them talking to me on the phone and checking in on me and asking to see pictures of my baby was super helpful and made me feel a lot less lonely.
Bring meals already plated and ready to heat up. Bring over groceries.
Taking my laundry and bringing it back clean and folded.
Holding my baby so I could shower.
I had 2 friends flash freeze homemade muffins, soups, and casseroles in individual portions so I could have healthy meals ready for myself and husband. Everything could be heated from frozen, so it was just amazing not having to worry about meals for a month.
They didn’t push to come over and waited to be invited
A housecleaning service for two weeks (2 hrs a day, three days a week; it was my mom).
Helped watch my 4 year old while I was in the hospital. It was Covid era, so one of the best things was people staying away – I loved it.
One of my friends spent one night a week and slept in the same room as the baby so my husband and I could get a few more hours of sleep at a time! (this was when the baby was a bit older, maybe 5 months, but still! Very helpful!!!)
Right after birth, she cooked many meals for us at our house!
It’s always food. Sleep deprived and figuring out how to care for someone who is completely dependent on you, last thing you have energy to do is take care of yourself. So yeah, friends dropping off food and family staying with us and making food. Amazing.
A friend that I am very comfortable with came over and while I took a shower she changed my sheets, then when I napped/fed baby she cleaned my kitchen. It was incredible.
Clothing for toddler age. Casserole brigade.
This only works if it’s not your first, but people that helped me with child care were a tremendous help.
It was when my sister stayed a couple of weeks with me. She helped in so many ways. Specifically, she would let herself into my room, then takes my baby and leaves so I can sleep 🥹 I trusted her with everything, which was so important because I wouldn’t of been able to get any rest or pump any good amounts of milk if my baby was with someone else.
They gave me a food delivery (uber eats/grub hub etc.) card that fed us for 3-4 meals. It was perfect.
My mother in law did our laundry and cleaned and it was amazing.
This might sound silly, but when my first was born I was scared to leave the baby alone for some reason while my husband was working. I worried I’d miss something if I was in the shower or napped.
So if there’s not another parent at home all the time, offering (not demanding) to come over to fold laundry or watch the baby while Mom showers or naps or needs to take a walk is great.
Bring me a meal and clean my house
My friends all lived in a different state and sent me dinners or DoorDash gift cards or Amazon and Target gift cards.
There was a lottt of stuff I needed and didn’t realize until after giving birth. So it was nice having some gift cards when I’d be scrolling during middle of the night wakeups
Frozen meals.
My SIL gave us lasagna. Only had to be heated for 20 minutes. Lifesaver in the early postpartum days.
Cleaning while I was at they hospital so I had a clean house to come to.
Bring some prepared food with a disposable container. Like a casserole in a throw-away aluminum tray. Pop in the oven and don’t have to wash anything. Food prep was probably the most helpful thing post-partum.
Came over and took care of my baby for a few hours so that I could get some sleep. My now ex-husband wouldn’t do it, so she did.
After being constipated for 7 days, which was absolutely horrific, my work husband came to visit me. As soon as he saw me he asked the issue and I told him. He made the run to the little taco place by our work that I always had immediate stomach issues with after eating there & brought me a take away. Then after I ate & when the tacos hit, he held the baby while I evacuated the dance floor like I had never in my entire life done before. We joking call the taco plate the Poo Poo platter now. TMI, sorry.
My baby is 6 months and I spend almost all my time home alone with him.
I loved my mother’s group since I don’t have any friends nearby and I loved being able to talk to other first time moms who could relate. Sadly after only 3 meetings every member in my group decided they’d rather spend time with their friends than the mothers group that they voluntarily joined so now I don’t have that. But I enjoyed it while it lasted.
My bestie came over a few days after I got home, brought breakfast for me and my husband and made us take a nap while she watched the baby. It was amazing.
My twin brother filled the entire freezer with homemade burritos. I still cry when I think of it. Food for the first month was sorted.
I’d love if a friend called me or brought me coffee in these trenches! 🙂
Bringing food! We were so tired and sleep deprived and I couldn’t go to the bathroom without my son crying for me to hold him, let alone cook. My parents came over everyday for 2 months and there was one day they were holding the baby and my husband and I crashed out while sitting on our couch from the exhaustion. They just let us sleep for an hour and when we woke up, it gave us enough energy to get through the rest of the day. Luckily, our daughter was a MUCH better sleeper, but those first few months being new parents after having my son were ROUGH.
Tbh I just appreciate when they ask me to hang out or come hang out it can be super lonely
Little gift basket of baby essentials for when things go wrong
Some calpol medicine / and the ibrupfrofen alternative
Nappy Barrier cream
Nipple cream
Infacol
An ice pack
Vicks/ something to help with blocked noses
This is because when stuff goes wrong it’s typically the middle of the night and then you remember “oh my god FRIEND actually gave me some of that”.
Well, I don’t have friends, but my boss approved my pto, so that was cool I guess. Nobody came by unannounced either, which was awesome.
I was 1000% into my “mom-role” they encouraged me leave the baby, to go out, and take care of myself (nails, hair, spa,…)
Regularly checking in on me to ask how I’m doing. Once the baby is born, everyone’s attention tends to shift to the baby (understandable to some extent) and often moms are suddenly pretty much forgotten. Motherhood, especially for first time moms, is an earth-shattering experience, both physically and mentally, and often can be very isolating, especially during the newborn trenches. I hired help for cooking and cleaning, but I couldn’t hire friends for emotional support. I just wanted to talk to my friends and share my experiences and feelings. My close friends are either single or DINKs and I think they were trying to “give me space” but I actually really craved connection.
Instead of the constant How are you? texts, my friend would text once a day with a multiple-choice survey: A. Send me a photo of the baby. B. Tell me something awful. C. Don’t reply. It gave me a connection without the pressure to perform happiness or energy. She made sure I felt seen without making me feel like I had to host a conversation. Be the low-maintenance friend they don’t have to worry about. I love that woman 💕
Deliveroo voucher
Cook for my family.
Freezer meals, or bringing dinner over. Also, letting me sleep. Coming to hold the baby so I could nap
Arranged a meal train-we didn’t have to worry about dinners for a month it was incredible.
Came over and took photos of me and the baby.
I could’ve used someone to bring me some food to eat during that time. Possibly help with a load of laundry or watch baby for a few minutes so I could take a shower. I didn’t have anyone to help me while my husband was at work so I vowed to my baby girl that if she ever has children of her own one day I will be there to help her after she gives birth!
Honestly? Checked in after the ‘novelty’ has worn off. People stop checking in when it actually starts getting hard – around 3-4 months. Sleep regressions, learning new skills, teeth might be starting to come through etc. It doesn’t need to be a huge emotional check in, just a text to ask how I’m doing was so helpful.
My best friend disappeared entirely. I was really struggling with the lack of sleep and felt entirely unsupported by her and it made me feel so lonely. When I asked her what was going on, she got really defensive and told me it was my fault – I had a baby and now she didn’t know how to talk to me. We’re no longer friends. All I wanted for her was to care
Home cooked meals. I gave birth a few days after thanksgiving. My mom brought a giant vat of soup, my sister brought chili. Friends and family brought takeout too, which was of course incredibly nice too. But there’s nothing like being able to warm up a home cooked meal.
So I try to do something like that too whenever a close friend or family has a baby too. I made a quiche for our neighbors last October and they said they hounded it.
Calling me to check in and ask how I was doing, and try again if I didn’t answer my phone the first time.
Took me to her baby classes and introduced me to people
My friend, who had become a first time mom a year and a half before me, told me that if I find myself crying in the bathroom, wondering what’s wrong with me that I can’t do “basic” things like sooth my baby or make enough milk when the entire world and all of human history has been able to do this, that this is 100% normal/common, she went through it a lot, and that I am doing well, that I just don’t see other people when they are crying in the bathroom themselves.
My other close friends came over at like 5:30 or 6am and let me & my husband sleep on a couple of weekends. That was incredible.
The best help was when people came and cleaned baby bottles/other dishes, did the laundry, or left us some food, any food, but especially food that could be held in one hand.
Because of what I now assume was PPA (post-partum anxiety), the least helpful was when people would come to hold the baby and tell me to sleep. Because of the PPA, I was frantic when I could hear the baby crying in the other room, even though trustworthy people were with the baby. Since I couldn’t sleep, I would end up washing baby bottles or making food. In the state I was in, I would have much rather had them do those chores while I held the baby.
The comments I appreciated the most were friends saying, “I know this is hard, and you are a great mom.” The least appreciated comments were people offering up advice on whatever they thought I was doing wrong, without understanding that I had tried all those things, I had searched all of the internet, I had read all the books, and I was at the end of my rope with tiredness and doubt.
Take pictures of me holding the baby.
Someone gave me a nice thermos cup with a lid for tea. You never get to finish a whole cup while warm.
Also, with our second, taking our first born out to the playground for an hour or so. It was a godsend. He was happy and tired and I could nap while the baby did.
I needed help showering. So having someone come over to watch baby while hubby helped me get clean was a huge relief. I was 3 weeks out before I asked for help. My friend just snuggled baby on the couch while hubby helped me shower and dry my hair. I felt like a new woman. Being clean makes the world feel new again after that long.
Cleaned my house the day before I had baby, and a week after I came home with baby.
Lots of people offer to give a break and hang out with baby while you nap/shower/eat. Taking the older kiddos for some fun time while I was still down or in the hospital. Someone also brought me banana bread and a few meals for the freezer, that was pretty sweet.