my bf 24/M and I 23/F have been together for two years. for the first year or so, he seemed super into sex and was very passionate and seductive. however, over the last year, I feel like he just doesn’t enjoy it as much because he hardly ever initiates anything. it makes me bummed because one of the reasons why i liked him in the first place was because we both had a high sex drive and he could satisfy my needs.
we have had problems in the past concerning sex- related to me being concerned about him not being as interested, not putting in a lot of effort, and insecurity from both of us (him being insecure about his performance and me feeling like he didn’t want me). for more context, he used to watch a lot of porn and would watch girls online well into our relationship (he stopped about 4 months ago) and it always bothered me and he knew that I hated it since very early on but still kept on watching it. he also hooked up with a lot of girls in the past.
him seeming to be so into sex and getting off to other women made me feel really insecure about myself and made me think constantly about why he didn’t want to do things with me. it seemed like he was most horny and initiative towards me when he was watching porn and i always knew when he was which made me feel gross. i mean, we still do have sex, but only because i initiate things. i swear he only does maybe like 1-2 times in a 2 week span (if even that anymore), while im asking much much more often.
when i ask him about it, it feels like he never gives me a clear answer or reason. he used to say it’s because he felt pressured, but i don’t even bring up that it bothers me anymore and ive gotten really good at acting chill and nonchalant about it due to not wanting him to feel like that in hopes that things can improve.
overall, things are great in our relationship now, its just this thing, which makes me wonder if the past is still affecting him or if something else is up. when i ask him if he had a good time, it’s just a “yeah 😁” and then he goes back on his phone. he just seems like he’s not excited and genuinely bored. every once in a while he gets a spur of really wanting in but not very often.
i don’t want things to be boring but when i try to spice things up he doesn’t want to. he used to be more open and adventurous and would being willing to try things. he also used to look at me like i was the hottest piece of ass he had ever seen. sadly, our best sex was when we were were not in a good place in our relationship and when we were broken up for a little bit. it lowkey makes me want to act toxic just to get anything out of him.
i have tried initiating more to see if that would turn him on but that didn’t seem to help. i also have just tried leaving it alone and up to him to initiate but it just doesn’t end up happening and i end up initiating in the end because i get cranky and pent up when we don’t have sex for awhile. part of me thinks it’s because he’s too lazy idk.
the sad part is, i feel like if he got into a relationship another woman or had the chance to just sleep with another woman he would gladly have sex with them multiple times a day 😆👍
I just want to stop feeling like shit and crying after sex!!! wtf do I do chat?!! why is this happening?!!! help!!!
TL;DR;:
bf used to have a high sex drive and desire but no longer seems interested in having sex with me.