Hi everyone,
I’m conflicted about my situation. I (28M) and my ex-gf (26F) have been broken up for about 5–6 months. I was the one who ended it, but the pain has been overwhelming—depression, weight gain, sleepless nights. She begged me to take her back at first, but I said “no.”
We had broken up and gotten back together around 11 times. The biggest issue was her ex being in her life. He would say inappropriate things and make it clear he didn’t respect me or our relationship. She knew this bothered me but kept contact anyway, saying it was casual. I tried to be gentle, but after so many talks, it wore me down. I’m a jealous person, but she’s one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen—she could easily be a model. People constantly tried to get her attention. I understood it wasn’t her fault, but sometimes I felt like she didn’t protect our relationship from people who disrespected it.
One night she demanded we talk right away. I was at the gym, and then later had a movie planned with my mom who was visiting. She didn’t believe I was at the gym and accused me of not caring. She broke up with me, saying if it was really over, we had to talk face-to-face. At the pub, she said I wasn’t even one of the best partners she’d had, that I broke her faith in people, that she’s glad she’s no longer with me, and that it’s for the best. I apologized, told her I wished things were different, and offered to get her a cab. It was late, she was drinking, and I didn’t want to leave her alone in a dangerous area. She refused multiple times, but eventually agreed to come to my apartment to wait. She fell asleep, and at 4 a.m. we ended up kissing, hugging, and sleeping together.
The next day was full of emotions—we had sex, cried, told each other we loved one another, and she opened up about her trauma (something rare). She begged me not to leave. But then I saw another message from her ex. Even while begging me to stay, she was still talking to him. That was my breaking point. I told her it was over. We cried, laughed, slept together again, and then she left.
A week later she begged me to try again. She said she blocked him and let me explain what hurt me: that she never officially wanted to be my girlfriend, even though we acted like it. That she kept casual conversations with disrespectful people. That she doubted me constantly, while I gave her my trust. That I said “te amo” (deep love in Spanish) but she only said “te quiero,” and got mad if I said more. She asked me to think about it, and I did—but in the end I said no, even though I still loved her.
About a month ago she messaged again, apologizing for being rude in the past and thanking me for showing her what kind love could be. She said she doesn’t think of me much anymore and is open to “beautiful moments.” I didn’t respond. A few days ago she wished me happy birthday, told me I was a blessing, and that even if we’re strangers now, we shared beautiful moments. I replied kindly. We hearted each other’s messages. I thought that was the end. But the very next day she messaged again—saying she loves and misses me so much, that it’s hard to feel this intensely. She asked if we could talk. I didn’t respond. Then she sent me a sticker of the two little dogs we used to say were “us.”
I don’t want to paint her as bad. Life has hit her hard, and a lot of her actions come from that. But I miss her immensely. Sometimes it feels like I can’t live without her. She’s beautiful, funny, and full of spirit. I love her laugh, her jokes, her voice. When we were good, we were really good. Our chemistry was amazing, and I felt we brought out the best in each other. At the same time, our relationship was a cycle. Constant breakups. Doubts. Mood swings. Drama. I sometimes feel guilty for not loving even the hard parts of her.
I wasn’t perfect either. Once, during a breakup, I talked with another girl—I lied at first but came clean. And early on, right after our first kiss, I saw her holding hands with another guy at a club. She said he was just a friend. I forgave her, but I think it stuck with me. Now I feel like I’m drowning. I love her and want her. But I also know that maybe what we had isn’t healthy. I believe in people fully and want everything to end in rainbows, but I’m scared this will just be another cycle.
TL;DR: My ex wants to get back together. I love and miss her deeply, but our relationship was full of breakups, doubts, and drama. Should I give it another chance or finally let go?