I (28M) and baby mother/girlfriend (26F) have been trying to work things out, on and off since I moved out reluctantly at the beginning of the year.
Please take the time to read this and ask any questions if you're confused, I really need some advice and brutally honest opinions.
We previously were friends for 5 years before we dated and had a child together. She checked all the boxes for me and she really appreciated me for me and every thing i brought to the table, she reciprocated and matched all of my energy and love, which was very new for me.
Fast forward 4months into parenthood and we had issues , resentment built, fights got loud, pages were separated. Then I cheated on her , by reaching out back to an old female friend that usually checks up on me a few times a year for the past 6-7 years. I saved all the conversation but also hid it from my girlfriend because we weren't on good terms and didn't want to stir the pot anymore(for context it was barley friendly conversation, short and sweet, still wrong of me). She found out, gave her my phone, I now live with deep regret and heartache of the pain I caused her because she felt betrayed. Before all this I felt backed into a corner , she stopped respecting me , started being careless with her words and the gap between us was miles apart. I tried everything to please her and make her post pregnancy easy as possible , anything to take weight off her shoulders I did it. It wasn't enough and she made sure I knew that daily. I fell apart from myself after the constant negative return in energy.
We both triggered a lot of past childhood trauma for each other, but we worked through most of it and came out stronger in most cases.
Fast forward to current day, we aren't on good terms as of a couple days ago, she thinks I'm focusing too much on her and our "relationship" and I need to work on my "demons" that are making me "overreact" to certain situations, says she doesn't feel safe around me now and it feels like her childhood, how her dad left and always screamed at her or was unpredictable(I do not have this intense of behavior at all and I always think before I react bc I know how my reaction affects the outcome of the conversation). My anxiety and fear of losing my family for good is haunting me everyday, I'm focusing on them and sacrificing everything I can to make this work. It's consuming me, all I want is my family back in the same room together at night. I cry every night when my daughter has to go back to her mom(my baby mother) and I can't be there with them.
She's so hot and cold with me , she loves me one day and gets annoyed with me another day, it's confusing me and I feel like I can't be myself around her anymore without possibly compromising the relationship.
TLDR: Baby mother and I our living in different homes, she is hot and cold with me, trying to work out our relationship , I'm in fear of losing my family for good, I can't be myself around her because I'm scared of compromising what's left of us, we both agreed we still love each other and want it to work out but it's always taking steps back or she is constantly saying I'm making things worse.