I recently got a new job that is 50+ hours per week and a lot more physically active. Before I took this position my partner (4 years) discussed what this would mean.
Since he works from home (lax job) and has no other responsibilities he agreed to handle more cooking and cleaning.
But it has not gone that way. No.
No.
No.
As of right now it’s 11pm and I just got off work. I’ve been gone for 9 hours. I texted AND called him asking if he could not forget to pop dinner in the oven (I even prepped it). And if he could please do the laundry as I have no clean clothes for work tomorrow. And need to go straight to sleep after eating food.
Y’all.
I get home and there is a pile of beer cans surrounding his desk. Music is blasting and he’s hollering at his friends.
Food was not put in oven.
No laundry was done.
He did not scoop our cats litterbox.
Or feed them dinner.
Or do the dishes.
(He was actually suppose to do these the day before)
As soon as he saw me he said “aw crap… I was gonna do those things.. but I got distracted. You sent me a meme and it made me laugh and I forgot the list you made me. I can cook now and start laundry.”
I told him not to bother. I literally have no time to eat now because I need to be at work in 7 hours. Not to mention I’ve had a migraine ALL day. I am SO angry. How is it that I am constantly forced to do everything because he doesn’t want to, or he forgets, or he was busy playing videogames?
I don’t even know how to talk to him about this. I don’t feel like I am allowed to express any disappointment because of how sensitive he is. If I criticize him or he detects the slightest hint of it he start to act like a victim or throw a literal tantrum. I’ve tried a few times these past few weeks and it turned into a worse argument. He acts like what I expect is rediculous. Yet it’s still less than 50% of the work.
Idk, maybe he’s letting everything slide because I’m not home to “keep things in check”? Remind him 1000 times?
I need to talk to him again about this. It’s upsetting me enough to where I might just walk away. I don’t know how to vocalize it to him. To make him realize I’m serious, where he can’t flip the entire thing around to “me acting like I’m perfect” “attacking him cuz I had a bad day” or any excuse he comes up with.
TLDR: I took on a new job that takes all my free time. I asked my bf to help carry the responsibilities more cuz I can’t do this alone. He agreed, yet is helping even LESS than before I got this job. I need help to know what I should say to tell him he needs to be dependable.