TL;DR: My rich fiancé (25M) wants to control me and thinks I belong to him. I (21F) love him, but am afraid that I will completely lose my freedom after the wedding. Should I break up?
Hey Reddit,
I don't know where else to go because my friends don't understand me at all. They think I should be “happy” and “grateful to have such a rich husband.” But I feel like I'm slowly suffocating in a golden cage.
My fiancé (25) comes from a very rich family. He works in the family business and will probably inherit everything later. I (21) am studying on a scholarship for which I really gave blood, sweat and tears. For me, this scholarship is not just money – it is my freedom, my proof that I can take my life into my own hands.
But every time I proudly talk about it, he says things like, "That wasn't necessary, I would have paid for it for you. Why are you stressing out so much?" It might sound harmless, but to me that means: He doesn't see that I WANT to be independent. All he sees is that I am “his” and he wants to “take care of” me – whether I want it or not.
He also keeps bringing me gifts that I don't want, and when I say I don't need them, he seems hurt and says things like, "You should just accept that I want to take care of you. You'll soon be my wife."
I recently had a heated discussion with him because he said: “A lot of things will change after our wedding anyway – you won’t be able to decide everything on your own.”
I laughed because I thought he was joking. But he was serious. He made it seem like it was normal for him to have more “influence” on my decisions – where I work, how much I work, and even how often I visit my family.
This really scares me. I don’t want a man who “owns” me. I want a partner, not a supervisor.
My friends say: “He just loves you, you’re exaggerating.” or "Who wouldn't want to be covered? Be happy."
But I don't see it that way. I don't want a marriage where I'm dependent. I don't want a marriage where I'm dependent on his money at some point and then he treats me like one of his investments.
I love him, yes. But I can't ignore the fact that I already feel like the air is getting tighter. And I'm so afraid that after the wedding he will completely act out his control.
Reddit, am I crazy for thinking I should break up? Or am I simply ungrateful and blind to my “independence”?