My (53M) wife (54F) had years of surgery, chemo, surgery, radiation, reconstruction. Obviously this has impacted our sex life and we are learning our way back into it.
We have progress and setbacks but overall it's been getting better. We've learned the best lube for her, rebuilt her muscles, limited positions, etc…
She still sometimes experiences pain with penetration. We take it very slow, but it can suddenly pop up and it's not consistent. Most days she'll be able to go for 15-20 minutes (which has taken months to get to), sometimes we have to stop after a couple minutes, others she can't ever get comfortable.
I am average size and she rarely felt pain with penetration before, only certain very deep positions. Now the pain isn't about depth, it's the angle. It's awkward as I have to be very careful and usually she has to manipulate/guide me inside, sometimes at uncomfortable angles for me. She's gotten scared of anything other than missionary.
Now the situation is starting to affect me. I've gotten so sensitized to her response that if she even looks uncomfortable I lose erection. If I hurt her even a little I get so stressed it can take days for me to relax enough to get hard.
We both love the intimacy penetration brings, and it's the only way she orgasms. Neither of us wants to give it up. We've been together 30yrs, married for 27.
Does anyone else have this problem? How have you handled it? I've never had a problem with this before but I am older (though fit and in good health), planning to talk to my doctor and maybe a sex therapist.