This question being about life but mostly mental health. I've had a rough time lately and I feel like I've never felt true joy or belonging in my life. It has looked like it would change a few times but it never does. Will it actually get better?
Edit: Just to be clear, I'm not sitting here waiting for things to change. I've been improving myself the last few years but there's always things that knock me further down when things are finally looking up and I feel like I'm close to getting breathing room
29 comments
Not yet
It did. Then it didn’t. Maybe it will again. Welcome to life.
As with almost anything, it’ll depend on the effort you put into it.
That includes getting help.
I’m 38, and I can tell you that my life is a lot better today than it was when I was 35. And when I was 35, my life was a lot better than when I was 30. Keep fighting, stay in the pocket, and don’t lose hope. Your best years are ahead of you.
That I cannot say but learn to enjoy the pain.
No
Life is like a roller coaster. Lots of ups and downs. Some great highs, some deep lows, and sometimes it feels flat. But the ride always keeps going
Life will be as good as you make it.
Thats in your hands
In some ways yes, in other ways no. I think at this point my happiness is directly linked to my professional successes.
Yes,put you have to make it better. Sometimes it’s a simple change. Other times it’s a scrap it and start fresh. The hard part is knowing which is which.
I hit the gym, found new hobbies, and stopped trying so hard at work. All those things led to better mental health.
I still deal with anxiety and depression now and then, but it *is* to a lesser extent. Improving myself, whether in the gym and how I look or my skills at bowling, has given me something to strive for (aside from being a good parent). I find the reward in that and the focus upon it to keep me busy and not let doubts develop and fester. Joining a sports league or something like that gives you teammates, who could eventually become friends (one of mine did). If not sports, look on facebook for groups that have similar interests, and try to go to any meetups they have.
If you dont have *any* hobbies, find some.
Well if you are waiting for it to get better I’m gonna tell you right now. It won’t.
The trick is you stop waiting for it to get better and start doing it better.
no, it really doesn’t. if you’ve got long term mental health issues, the best you can do with them is mitigate to the best of your desire or ability- shit always comes back.
In my experience yes. I had a very tough time at your age, felt very hopeless, and my life is pretty good now.
At 41, I feel about as happy as I’ve ever been in most regards.
Marriage is quite difficult and I might have not gotten married if I’d understood just how challenging it is.
But the joy of raising kids, of advancing in your career, from competing in athletics (I’ve gotten really into distance running and get joy out of being faster than guys who are a lot younger than I am 🤣), of financial flexibility – relative to my younger and poorer years – the wisdom that comes with being a “real” adult.
41 is the best year I’ve had since the carefree days of college and childhood.
I’ve been so fortunate, never struggled in my life, for anything. But even so, when I was in my early 20’s like you, I had so much doubt, even though looking back things were great for me. It’s a tough age , the early 20’s. I really started feeling confident in myself and my place in the world in my early 30’s.
Oh man, YES it absolutely can get better. I never thought it would. Then it did, but it wasn’t real, but then I figured it out and now it’s awesome!
All that to say—stick around for the show. Keep living, growing and doing your best. Your 20s will take you to some unexpected places.
It absolutely can and will. However there are some incredibly important things to keep in mind for this to happen:
1.) Money is not EVERYTHING. Yes it is important for survival but working a job you hate just because it pays well is an easy way to fall into a cycle of depression that is hard to get out of. I say this from experience and starting over in a new career at 35 has been tough financially but I fucking LOVE my job. I know I will ride through the ranks soon enough and my mental health has never been better.
2.) This one is probably the most important of all. You need to have a brutally honest awareness of yourself. I don’t mean in a self deprecating way. I mean, be incredibly self aware of your strengths and weaknesses and learn to love yourself because of them. I am a high energy, quick moving, ADHD like a MFer type of individual. For most of my life I was made to feel like a spaz or treated like an annoyance. Once I stopped caring what others thought of me and just played to my strengths and wasn’t afraid to announce my weaknesses, life has gotten SO MUCH better.
What helps is having someone to tell your troubles to. A friend, or a lover, or a therapist. Doesn’t matter which.
No
You need to figure out what makes life better for you. I went from making nearly no money at 20 to 6 figures at 25 shortly after I realized the money wasn’t making me much happier, so now I make relatively little money again at 30, but I’m much happier with what I do. God willing, I’ll be making decent money again soon and still be in an industry I enjoy.
I was surprised to find that spending most of my day outside has a huge positive impact on my happiness. I used to hate being outdoors for work because I live in a desert, and I still dont enjoy the heat, but I’m a much happier man now.
Some days are better than others, overall just feels like I am digging my own grave though
In order to celebrate the wins, you need to redefine what a win is. Getting up in the morning is a win. Making your bed is a win. Showing up is a win. Getting fitter is a win getting up after you’ve been knocked down is a win.
Life isn’t fair. Life owes you nothing. Don’t feel that you’re “enough”? Bro you’re more than enough. You’re still here, and that’s winning in my book.
Not for me. Stuck in a shithole where hard honest work gives you no more rewards than living paycheck to paycheck.
I feel you. I’m moving across the country to a walkable city so I won’t have to live in suburbia. I think the suburbs have disconnected me from being in community and in turn I’m dealing with a lot more depression and anxiety than I’ve ever had.
38/m It got better for me. My 20’s were kinda fun on and off. Lots of and drinking and parties. I had a difficult time after college graduating during the financial crisis, but eventually found work. I made a cross country move in my mid 20’s for a job I enjoyed, but I hated the city I was in. In my early 30’s I moved back to the northeast got an ok job and then the pandemic happened. I tried online dating and had very little luck and kinda gave up. Eventually I thought I’d be single forever and would just keep working my ok paying cubicle job being miserable. Last year I met a great woman (a friend of a friend not online) and got a promotion at work that allowed me to travel a little more. I have done more traveling and had more fun experiences at 38 than I had in the rest of my 30’s combined. Things really can get better. I always thought I’d have kids and that bothered me for a while, but this Sunday I grilled at my girlfriends house and had dinner with her and her kids who are actually pretty great and then cuddled with my girl on then front porch. After the mosquitos came out we went inside and watched jeopardy together. Is my life exiting? Not really. Am I finally happy and satisfied? Absolutely. Just keep slogging through life and it could get a lot better. It did for me.
I am 36 and spent a full summer sober. Eneded up getting in the best shape of my life, leaving a toxic partner, and meeting someone who makes me feel like I have a new lease on life. It gets better but you need to work on yourself and make the changes within that will set you up for success.
Yeah but it takes 5-7 years straight of busting your ass. Take your eye off the ball for a few months and you are back to square one