I have no else to turn about this unfortunately so this is where im at
Me (F21) and my boyfriend (M22) have been dating for over 4 years. We've always had a problem with our sex drive, as he has a very high sex drive and i have a relatively low sex drive. I usually go through periods where my sex drive is higher for a few weeks then goes back down. We are also in an open relationship, we are both seeing people and he has this person who he regularly sees that he considers a friend, but the problem in our relationship stays the same because my boyfriend often complains that we're not being intimate enough (that also includes any type of physical affection other than sex).
We've been facing this issue where he initiates sex during physical touch (cuddling, kissing, hugging, etc.) and often times I'm not exactly in the mood, and because there is such a large gap in our sex drive he often gets sexually frustrated. When he does get frustrated, its difficult for him to hide his frustration and he'll often pull away from me and do something else to regulate himself.
The problem we're facing is that I often see his frustration even if its just in his body language, he just seems to completely switch off and get uninterested. It's gotten to the point where I'm scared to touch him and get him horny because i dont want to make him frustrated. As a result of this, my sex drive has been going down which puts us in a vicious circle where im hesitant to be physically affectionate and that i associate any type of intimacy with feeling pressured to do something about it, and it often makes me feel guilty that im not doing enough for him.
There is also the fact that intimacy doesnt always equal orgasm or penetration for me, but for him it seems to be the only way to feel relief. Sometimes i just want to do hands/mouth stuff but it feels like he always pushes for more, so when i just want to do that, i often don't even go through with it knowing its not going to satisfy him. He says that he'd be fine with just oral/hands stuff, but i can tell he often wants more.
I don't want to break up with him and i love him but it seems like we're facing a very big issue in our relationship, and even after talking about it for 2 hours we werent able to find a concrete solution about this.
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have a gap in our sex drive which causes him to often gets sexually frustrated and pull away to regulate himself when he initiates intimacy and i refuse, causing me to feel guilty and pressured to have sex.