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Can anyone share with me some success stories that have come out of dating in your 30s?
Got cracked last night, y’all 🙏🏼 Wasn’t even on my radar for the weekend, but met a man at the bar who was so hot and so fun. Hungover and sleep deprived again, but ending my vacation on the best note.
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Reposting cause I accidentally put it in yesterday’s thread:
I work as a bartender and a woman has been coming in and chatting from time to time over the last little while. We always have nice conversations and she’s super cute.
She left me her number the other day as she left which was surprising. I’m a bit tentative about it though because she’s much younger than anyone I’d ever typically go for (23). She knows I’m 35 and obviously isn’t put off by that, but that’s a pretty serious age gap.
I had a date lined up yesterday. However, she cancelled the day prior and told me that she wasn’t actually excited during our texts or for the date. It’s a bummer but also a little confusing to me. I was looking forward to meeting this person. I wasn’t over the moon excited but more hey this is a cool thing this happening. I personally find it unlikely for me to be excited about someone until I actually meet them in person and get that in person vibe/interaction. Is this actually just a me problem?
I’ve been dating for a while now, and I feel like every relationship has taught me something new about what I want and need. I’ve done a lot of work on myself, and I genuinely feel like I’m ready for a healthy relationship. My friends tell me that I’m a catch, and I want to believe that’s true. But for some reason things just never seem to pan out.
The clearer I get about my standards, the harder it feels to actually find someone. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made my standards too high, or if I just haven’t met the right person yet.
I’m trying to decide what’s worth compromising, if anything, and what’s truly non-negotiable. But the more I think about it the harder it gets to parse that. And I can’t help but feel stuck in it.
So update on my guy friend that now says he’s interested in me.
He said he wants a FWB situation for now and see where things go in the next few months. This stinks, imo. I’ve never dated a friend before but i feel like dating someone you already know shouldn’t be so caviler.
Yes, it should be slow for the first few months but intentional still.
I know more men that have a fear of commitment and need to ease into things but this seems like a bad deal for me.
Someone please tell me I’m right or way off base here.
Every time I’ve thought about going on dating apps, really since I started using apps but especially for the last 1.5 years or so, I just feel sick and shut down and already start feeling miserable. So I’ve been on breaks for 6-8 months at a time, eventually I feel too lonely and force myself to do it again, manage to go on 1-2 dates and then shut it off again.
With my most recent therapist, I told her I wanted to understand why I was struggling so much to be on apps and try to get to a point of more comfort where I could go on apps more easily without feeling so miserable. I committed to therapy with her and really tried to work with her for a year, even though I was generally really confused and felt like we were not addressing the issues but I was trying my best, but she kept saying it could take years to unearth the subconscious issues and I just had to keep talking. Then she got cancer and had to stop being my therapist to go through treatment. (A whole other thing.)
Now I’m back in the same place trying to get myself to go on apps again and just… I can’t. Then everyone is like “Ditch the apps! Meet people in person!” as if I’d even be considering apps if I was able to successfully find relationships irl.
I’m so fucking tired.
Congrats to the person that texted back on day 5 of 7 in my “block after one week no reply” rule, 2nd date will happen soon after she picks one of three options I suggested (normally I wouldn’t offer that many, but she has a specific dietary restriction so I threw a place that’s 100%-that-thing in there)
Happy Monday everyone and have a great week
My partner and I have been together for a little over a year. They are usually the right amount of physically affectionate for me. I’m not a super touchy-feely person but I like to kiss and cuddle at least a bit when we’re alone, and I like being greeted with and saying good bye with a hug and/or kiss, too. When we are alone in the evening at one of our places, we end up having sex. However, there have been two occasions more recently where they weren’t physically affectionate towards me at all for no discernible reason, and we didn’t have sex. Both times, they didn’t hug me when they greeted me, and I initiated all touch. When I kissed them, it felt like they were just tolerating it and barely kissing back, so I would stop. Each time, it’s felt very jarring. I asked how they were feeling and they said good, and acted normal otherwise. We talked and laughed about stuff and it felt fine. But it felt like I was suddenly just a friend to them or something, and they were just putting up with my affection.
The last time this happened, I felt extremely hurt. We’d never not had sex while spending time together and they had never been anything but enthusiastic about kissing and cuddling. But I thought about it a bit more and figured they were probably just tired. I also thought that maybe my libido was just a bit higher than their’s. There had been a couple times here and there where I was ready to go again and they weren’t. That time, I think they sensed I was upset and asked what was wrong. But I felt like an asshole for expecting sex, and said nothing. I brushed it off and didn’t think about it again. That was a month or so ago.
Last night, it happened again. But this time I realized I was not really upset about the sex part. It was the sudden lack of physical affection that really hurt. I had just seen them the night before, and the difference in how they treated me was so stark. For example, just the night before they had held me and kissed me good-bye then said they love me. Last night, I initiated the kiss, and I could feel them not really kissing back, just sort of waiting for me to stop. They said goodbye sweetly and smiled but I had ro get out of there fast because I felt like I was going to burst into tears. It was so confusing. I got home and cried pretty hard.
I want to talk to them about it. I feel like I need to. But I don’t even know what the solution could be. If they just don’t want to touch me sometimes, there’s no fix for that. I don’t really know what to do or what to make of it. I also wonder if I’m crazy and overreacting because they acted so normal, and otherwise things were normal. But I feel so rejected.
A few days ago unexpectedly ended up on a very long marathon date. I feel a bit of regret that I let the date drag on for so long, as we were drinking and oversharing and I didn’t really know how to end it but I feel just felt kinda overwhelmed in the days after. I’m a little embarrassed at how much I shared and I’m not really sure where to go from here. I can’t fully tell if he was burnt out too from how much time we spent together.
Maybe not actually a big deal? Anyone go on a 12 hour date and survive?
I was hoping to get some feedback on this third date idea: https://ecoboatrentals.com/glow-boat/
It’s a one-hour rental where we pedal out to the water for 15 minutes, then get 30 minutes to experience all the views, and then 15 minutes to head back. The boats are equipped with speakers, blankets, lights and I was planning on bringing a couple of snacks/drinks. Then after I’d suggest getting a quick bite to eat.
First date was grabbing a beer & mini-golfing and the 2nd date was dinner + a walk after. Both dates have been really great, the chemistry/effort to getting to know one another is there and we even ended the 2nd date with a nice kiss.
With our schedules this week, I had to plan a night time date and the other idea I had in mind was indoor rock climbing/bouldering. We’re both active and adventurous, but my worry is neither of us have belay experience, so we’d need a training (not sure how long that takes) or we’d just stick to bouldering.
In some ways I’ve become the person I wanted to be growing up, but my 30s have been a slow lesson that others would prefer someone else. I was so naive.
What’s your texting frequency in the first few weeks of dating? Admittedly, I’m not a big texter. I’m always upfront about that. Lack of texts don’t = lack of interest. If someone I’m dating texts me, I respond within a couple of hours at the longest. I usually just text to make plans or if a conversation from a date carries on through text. It seems like a lot of people are texting all day long.
Something I’ve been working with heavily in therapy is archetypes and self-discovery; using systems like human design and MBTI to understand myself. Before you poo-poo these systems in the replies… I don’t care.
An accurate summation of different archetype systems, taken together, to paint a clear picture of me that I vehemently agree with: *Taken together: you’re an advisor/strategist archetype who thrives on meaningful invitations and partnerships with people who have energy, openness, and receptivity but who also respect your depth and boundaries.*
But here lies the problem in dating, especially as a man: I thrive when *invited*. When *consulted*. I am probably not going to make the approach, because it’s my natural inclination to be *welcomed*.
So that creates a paradox, of sorts: Men are “supposed” to be the assertive, the catalyst, the spark… In fact, these are all green flags I look for *in women*. But I scheme in the background. I exist in the shadows. And I need to be pulled into a scenario, *invited*, to succeed. Now, this does happen sometimes. I have made some genuine friends and connections on this very Subreddit, women who have made the approach *to me.* I mentioned a couple days ago, how I was invited to a little writing circle because my perspectives were considered valueable. I’m speaking at an event in a couple weeks – again, invited by a stranger, because of the voice I bring.
This is definitely something I’m going to be discussing with my therapist at my next session, but I felt like it would be nice to express it publicly, for those who may be in a similar bag.
And polling widely – have others been in a similar situation? What worked for you?
I just bought my first house and furnished it. With enough disposable income to do as I liked, I bought all kinds of hot pink decor, velvet, fur, etc., exactly like I liked. It was a big deal to me because my 20’s were very rough (serious drug addiction) and I never had nice things. Now I do and I’m very proud of my very pretty and girly little townhome.
My boyfriend came over to help me build my kitchen table and hang pictures, etc., and I casually asked him if he’d live there. He laughed and said no and this is haunting me today.
My man lives in a basement. I love him to death and do not judge him for his circumstances. He is a musician and has a major bachelor pad with all his gear. It suits him.
I guess I just thought he’d be like hell yeah I would live somewhere with filtered water and velvet pillows. I am way too proud of my place to ever consider getting rid of my things to make space for his huge dusty amps?? What the heck do grownups do when they’re considering moving in together and have very different aesthetic senses and are both very attached to their things?
He’s finding out today if he gets that job. I am begging the universe, I know it’s not good of me but I just don’t want this to end. And if he gets that job, it definitely will.
He’ll eventually get married and know what he’s missing, and I’ll just wander to the ends of the earth trying to find anything that holds a candle and doesn’t leave me desperately wanting. It just sucks.
Is it a bad look to message someone up after letting a match sit for two weeks?
Was having a beer after getting cut from my shift last Saturday and a customer that’s been coming in for a year? walked up to me and introduced herself on her way out. Instantly set my heart racing.
It’s funny — being cordial and fun and even flirty is part of being a service worker (especially at a bar), but when you get the sense that it’s maybe for real and not just for momentary fun … it can hit like a sack of bricks. Nice bricks.
Looking forward to the next time she comes in so I can gauge if there’s actually interest — I’d be *soooooo* down.
I’ve created this self-fulfilling prophecy where anxiety over my girlfriend and the sporadic communication between us during the week has made me afraid of texting her. I wanted to reach out yesterday evening to check on how she was doing with her cold, but I ended up losing my nerve and not doing it.
I want to reach out today but I’m having the same apprehension. I’ll probably end up texting her later but I keep putting it off out of fear of the response time, or what if she doesn’t respond at all?