Now I know I’m going to get replies saying ‘you’re only young, just move on’ etc but this is the one time I don’t want that.
I’ve been dating this guy for just over 7 months now and I love him more than anything. Of course he has his usual annoying habits but I’ve come to learn they they’re part of who he is and I still love him for it.
Long story short, I broke my ankle 7 weeks ago and both him and my mother were visiting me in hospital. There was discord in that my mother believed him being there was encroaching on her ability to look after me and that he had no reason to be there as much as he was. This caused tension between them and he ended up sending a message to my mother stating how she needs to be blunt if he’s not wanted there and she found that very rude. This is where the dislike started I’d say.
All whilst this is going on, I’m preparing to move to uni in the city which my boyfriend lives in, one of the main reasons why I chose it. We share lots of mutual friends who also live in the city and I would be bound to bump into him/them sooner or later.
There has been arguments between me and my mother since I moved to uni about her dislike for him and I’m struggling to move past it as is he; as she is a single parent and I’m an only child, she has always disliked my relationships, controlled what I can and can’t like and when I’m able to go out etc. I thought that moving to uni would give me freedom (keeping in mind my broken ankle) to see my boyfriend more and be able to do what I want, this has not been the case. She has my location so demands I stay at uni all the time and blew up when I went to stay at my boyfriends house for one night, giving me an ultimatum of him or her. Every time she calls, she circles back to slagging him off somehow or other and I’m at breaking point, I don’t want to lose my relationship with either of them.
Fast forwards to now, my boyfriend sent me a text explaining how he doesn’t think he can continue with the relationship if she can’t be civil with him, how he wants to be ‘selfish’ about his own feelings and that I can’t lie to my mother about him staying at my accommodation anymore. Stating that he just wants to have a ‘normal relationship’.
I understand that I need to set boundaries with my mother but every time I try to she just results in blowing up on me, threatening to block my number and never speak to me again.
My boyfriend has said he will give time for me to set these boundaries but if I’m unable to then he will leave as he can’t face the guilt of getting in between my relationship with my mother as he says.
I think I’m mainly here to vent as I don’t really know what to do. I understand that she’s my mother and wants what’s best for me but I have had very little freedom to make my own choices since becoming an adult along with the fact that I do not want to lose my boyfriend, it would be the worst heartbreak of my life and I doubt I would survive through it.
Tldr: my boyfriend is saying he will leave me if my mother continues to pose stress on our relationship
Update: I forgot to include the fact that he has said he doesn’t want to be the cause of me and my mother going no contact/complete cutoff. So the only way that he will stay with me (as he has said) is if my mother becomes civil with him and also doesn’t cut me off. If she cuts me off then he says he will feel too guilty about our relationship, not only this but if she isn’t civil with him then he will leave because of that too