I live in a flat with my best friend for some time now as i dont live with my boyfriend who lives overseas yet and our friendship has been going steadily downhill ever since we moved in together. I have to point out that he is Aro/Ace and apparently autistic altough thats never been diagnosed. I have to say this as people as why as a woman share a flat with a man, we never were interested in anything like this and always were "besties".
I did notice he became meaner to me over time.. started to share my struggles and insecurities and trauma with his friends without my permission.. like him causually mentioning i am taking antidepressants or had suffered with anorexia and body issues.. and then visibly mocking my size in front of people. Every time i had to tell him that i dont appreciate him doing this and he always chucked it up to "i dont understand human emotions"… I know now that this is bullshit.
What broke the camels back last few days was that me, him and our "mutual" friend (M36) has planned that mutual will visit us on 22nd. For this i have booked my flight from my boyfriend on 21st. On arrival at the airport back i got message from my "bestie" that the mutual will not be coming as he said he is angry at me. Which i thought right this is a joke i can see through you guys. But the next day he didnt visit and when we played a game on discord he wasnt speaking to me at all and ignoring me.. Making me spiral that what if i did something wrong. I messaged the mutual the next day that this is causing me great pain and i dont know what ive done and that i bought tickets back for this visit that we planned a month prior.
Thats when he fessed up that it was a joke and now that he see how its making me worry he is fessing up that his car broke down and its not fixed yet.
I spoke to my "Bestie" about it and he looked clueless that he had no idea that he didnt tell me about the car and he had no idea what "beef" we had and tried to look clueless. After some time he left his tablet in living room open while we were watching something and messages started to pop up.. And i confess i looked when i saw my name.
So yeah.. this was all planned by none other than my "best friend" who convinced the mutual to go with this lie. Sending messages like "dont respond to her for an hour and make her spiral :D",
"dont talk to her on discord that will make her feel more and more stressed 😀 when she finally send a message say "oh my god okay i guess i can come visit next time"",
"She stil thinks you are coming today 😀 😀 😀 😀 ",
"You should be happy i am living with her and not you, she will be pissed and nasty at me for a month 😀 😀 😀 😀 Typical woman, and if not for this, she will find another reason 😀 😀 😀 😀 ",
"Come join the voice chat and have fun with (name of our other women friend) but be distant to her (me):D 😀 ",
And after i found out from the mutual that it was a "joke" :
"She is offended and she almost ugly cried here, that it apparently it wasnt a nice joke, so she will be beside herself when you arrive on the 4th without her knowing 😀 ".
During the whole conversation it was very clear that mutual wasnt too on board with the idea but went with everything my "best friend" said.. Atm i am just in tears as i dont know what to do… The person who i thought was my best friend really hates me and is sending people at me for spite even tho he knows i am anxious and sensitive person.
Him getting pissed at me for talking to him about stuff that hurt me is nothing new either.. I did almost cry when i told him it wasnt a nice joke to play on me when i could have been with my boyfriend for longer yet he still chose to write these messages…. I know i did wrong when i saw that and chose to snoop. I guess i found out.
My question is please i dont know what to do, he doesnt know that i know. How should i act around him? I dont know who he is. I feel so alone, like i am broken all over again without friends. I thought one person would always be here by my side and he secretly hates me. Everyone is asleep here and i have no one to talk to.
TLDR: Found out that my best friend of 17 years has been really mean to me to not only my face but also behind my back and egging a mutual to pretend to be angry at me to make me spiral while laughing at all of this with him in private. How should i act and what should i do from now on?