I (21M) went on a third date with a girl (20F) I met through a mutual friend. We grabbed dinner at a nice spot near campus, and honestly, it went pretty well. We were laughing, conversation flowed easily, and there weren’t any awkward silences.

After dinner, we decided to take a short walk before heading back. When we got to her car, I felt like the mood was right, I leaned in for a kiss. She pulled back quickly and said, “Wow… you really thought we were at that stage already?” in this kind of loud, condescending tone. I immediately felt embarrassed, apologized, and told her I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable.

I can take rejection, that’s not what bothers me. What stung was how she phrased it, like I was an idiot for even trying. I replayed it in my head later, and I don’t think I misread the signals that badly… we’d been joking, making eye contact, and she lingered when we hugged earlier.

Now I feel like I did something wrong, even though a kiss at the end of a date is pretty normal. I’m second guessing myself and wondering if I crossed a line, or if she just wasn’t feeling it and could’ve said no in a kinder way.


41 comments

  1. You did nothing wrong. In fact a kiss is the bare minimum after a third date otherwise you are going to be friendzoned. From her reaction she isn’t into you although she could have just said so honestly instead of shaming you for trying your shot.

  2. I usually try and gauge this by sitting closer, holding hands or trying to put my arm around someone first. Still … going in for a kiss at date three is hardly pushing things. She definitely could have handled this better.

  3. Nah that’s not you at all dawg. There’s no time-line for that kind of stuff but she was definitely a bitch about it and you can most likely expect more of that going forward. Make your own choice as far as what you want to do but it’s not a good sign

  6. its bad reactions like these from girls which is why some guys will not try to go in for the kiss or make a move so fast and then girls will complain ‘we have been on 3 dates and he has not made a move” can’t win

  8. Don’t initiate again, let her take the lead. After three dates I’m already in them guts so I think it’s clear she isn’t into you yet.

  9. Some of the men here in the comment (actually most) are missing the mark. Two things could be true here. 1. You could have asked for permission, I think in this day and age, no one (unless they’re an awful person) will make you feel bad about asking permission first. 2. It could also be a projection of experiences she’s had. Maybe she’s been formerly assaulted, uncomfortable with quick physical expressions, etc. She may have lashed out and that’s of course on her, but also on you (see point one) ask for permission first. If people are triggered, they may be in flight or fight mode and may not be thinking about someone else’s feelings in that moment.

  10. Life is too short, and you only have so much time. Run, don’t walk, from this situation. Their reaction suggests they may not make a good partner or friend.

  11. Three dates? A kiss is pretty standard when a woman is interested. Usually that’s a first date expectation. I think if she has a long timeline before doing anything physical, she should have expressed that at some point during the first two dates. She is poor at communicating.

    If she has some trauma from a past experience, that’s her responsibility to address, and to work through it, not yours. If she had trauma, she should have said something to the effect of “I have had some traumatic experiences and as such I want to take things slow.

    You should not feel bad. You didn’t do anything unusual. You didn’t do anything wrong. Not once did I ever ask if it was ok to kiss. I was never pushed away. I did my best to read the situation and gauge her interest.

    If something like this happens, you can say that you are sorry you misread the situation. I think if you say that , you don’t call her back and you move on, unless she calls/texts you. I think you stop paying for her until she kisses you because she’s using you at that point. Have the self-respect to not be played.

  12. Been there. Third date, seem to be getting along well, at the end I go in for a kiss and she says “I don’t want to.” Okay, well, that sent a pretty clear message so I left and went about my life. Several days later I get a text from her asking “Why did you ghost me?” I made a point of responding immediately, and saying “I’m not ghosting you. See? I’m right here!” Never heard from her again. 🙄

  13. Leave her she could have rejected you politely but replied with sass. That’s a headache in the future

  14. Rule of thumb: always ask for consent. If for no other reason than to avoid uncomfortable situations like this. Most women WANT to be asked for their consent before romantic/sexual acts and are more attracted to men who do so. Just because the date was going well doesn’t mean she would like to kiss you, regardless of the number of dates you’ve gone on.

    Don’t beat yourself up over it, it was a small mistake, just be more conscious of women’s bodily autonomy moving forward. Consent is hot!

  15. Look everyone is different, you’re not necessarily wrong for “reading all the signals” and she could always say no for whatever reason. It doesn’t matter what number date it is. But asking is always the safer bet. I have asked guys before as simply as “wanna kiss?” and guys and girls have also asked me playfully : “are you shy? can we kiss” or “what if we kissed?” Never ruined the mood! so next time you’re in doubt ask. Good luck

  17. I don’t think you did anything wrong. She went out with you three times and the moment felt right. If she didn’t want to that’s fine, but her reaction is ridiculous. I’d personally distance myself and consider other options.

  18. Haha it happens man. A lot of people are not nice and women aren’t an exception. I was on a date once where the vibes seemed to be good and I asked a girl if I could give her a goodnight kiss. She laughed at me thinking it was a joke, then was surprised and uncomfortable when I said I was being serious. :/

  19. Don’t let her reaction get to you. Yeah it definitely doesn’t hurt to ask first, but after three dates that have all gone well it’s not weird to go for or even expect a kiss. I’d say the vast majority of women would think that you’re not into them if you DIDN’T go for one by that point. This girl has atypical expectations and clearly can’t communicate them well, or is intentionally trying to belittle you over something totally normal. That is definitely concerning and it might be smart to cut your losses earlier rather than later.

  21. Woman here – you did nothing wrong. She should have pulled back and gently said, “I’m not quite ready for that yet, but I’m having a great time with you.”

  22. If she didn’t want a kiss by the end of a third date, I would take that as she’s not into me, that we’re not compatible, or simply that she sees me as a friend. You didn’t do anything wrong,

  23. > I immediately felt embarrassed, apologized, and told her I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable.

    Wrong move. You needed to say “Yes.” there and stay calm. I’m sure you could have escalated better, but you didn’t do anything wrong. You followed what felt right for you based on your level of experience, your intentions were good and you backed off when she asked you to.

    As for escalation, you probably should have gradually escalated throughout the night so that going for a kiss wasn’t such a giant leap in the end. Start the date by opening with a hug. Sit near each other (rather than across from each other). Find legitimate reasons to touch her, like pushing her away in a joke or holding her hand if things are really romantic. This gets her feeling comfortable with you. THEN go for a kiss.

  24. You didn’t ask for consent, I wouldn’t have kissed you either personally it would’ve freaked me out. No one is at fault though, you just move on.

  25. Not sure why people say here that asking for consent puts women off. I am a woman and I find it very sexy when a man leans closer and whispers „can I kiss you?”. I do think at this day and age consent is very important.

  28. I would just drop it. She isn’t into you. By the thrid date you have a good perception if this is someone you could see yourself be attracted to and if you start to like someone a little but isn’t ready to kiss them yet you aren’t condecending about them trying since you don’t want to totally discourage them trying that in the future. I think you are wasting your time if you are hoping this will to go further and you aren’t cool with just friendship.

  31. I think that she did not handle the matter well at all.perhaps you could’ve held her hand on the way back to her car which could have been an Ice breaker.
    You have to ask yourself is she worth the effort?
    If she cannot deal with 1st Kiss better only you will know this.Good luck

  32. If you hadn’t initiated any kind of touching beforehand it’s always going to seem sudden. Things like touching her forearm or knees during an exciting point in a convo w her not showing any negative reaction to it are usually good signs she’s open to it. Same for holding eye contact and glancing at her lips.

  36. I had a guy get mad at me for not trying to kiss him by the second date lol. Third date is definitely enough time to determine whether you like them enough to kiss them. She definitely could have handled that better, don’t feel bad.

  37. Doesn’t sound like you crossed a line, but clearly there was a misreading. Sometimes it’s okay just to ask.

  38. Drop her like a hot potato. …. and please tell me that you didn’t pay for her dinner and then she rejected a 3rd date kiss…. that would be downright mean!

  40. Nahhh bro ur good! As long as she also liked it too.. she was probably joking around cuz she was caught by surprise.. don’t think too much into it… if shes really into you, you could always chalk it up to a simple misunderstanding

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