Some backstory, I’m 45, financially stable, etc. At a recent group outing, some of the women started talking about their preferences, red flags, and ‘icks.’ One point that came up was that older men without kids are a big red flag. From what I gathered, the reasoning was that such men were never seen as father material, maybe considered losers, or just plain weird.
It felt pretty awkward because I don’t have kids myself—not because I couldn’t, but because I had different goals earlier in life. By the time I reached an age where I might have wanted children, I hadn’t met someone I truly wanted to settle down with.
So I’m wondering, do most people actually see it that way, or is this more of an anecdotal opinion?
26 comments
I’m not there but it seems like a choice to me. People that see it as a red flag seem insecure.
Fuck those people. Grown ass women who say “the ick” are a giant red flag
It really doesn’t matter either way. A woman might say something like that but if she likes you she wont see it as a red flag.
God no. My boyfriend is going to be 47 in December. He has no kids. We don’t want any. It’s a huge green flag for me..
It’s a positive for me, I’m childfree.
I would love that, as long as you’ve had healthy adult relationships otherwise.
I don’t personally find it a red flag. I am capable of understanding that peoples lives don’t always go as planned.
It is definitely a green flag for me!
It’s a green flag for me. I prefer someone without kid (yet). They can have in the future with me if they want to.
Also, they have been responsible enough to not make someone pregnant without love/ preparation.
As an early 30s single woman, the men in their 40s with no kids are who I’m trying to date.
I’m 45F and I just want a decent man who is respectful and wants to work with me in life. I couldn’t care if he has kids. He just has to be willing to respect mine and be aware he is a role model for them. That group of women sound like they are high maintenance, fussy and red flags.
Not sure why anyone would see it as a red flag. To me it would depend on the reason. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m sure the right person will be very happy about it. Especially since most men your age come with ex wives and possibly children that can complicate a new relationship.
maybe people who think that are overlooking the value of no former parents/spouses/ex’s?
melding families is fine if that’s part of it but I wouldn’t make that a criteria.
That’s perfect.
I think it speaks well of you, your understanding of yourself, your goals, and what a commitment children are. Green flag. Not sure what they were talking about, but all of those are positive traits to me.
No lol , not at all
From an almost 39 F
I’m childfree. An older man with no kids is a goldmine.
I think it’s an anecdotal opinion.
There are more and more people who are opting to be child-free these days for a multitude of reasons.
I think the only time it’s a red flag for me is when I’m out on a date with someone who was much older and established in life but was very “wishy-washy” about whether he wanted kids, and I knew where I stood. It was like they had *never* thought about it (despite me knowing they’d been in serious long-term relationships before) & felt very comfortable leaving those thoughts for another time.
I understand if your (or their) perspective had been “only if I meet the right person and it’s the right time for both of us”, but these were men who would be in their 60’s by the time their kid was out of high school and they were acting very nonchalant. I found it unattractive they didn’t know what they wanted and acted like it was something they could decide whenever.
On a personal note, I’ve decided not to have biological children of my own, and I don’t really want to pursue a relationship with a man who doesn’t know his mind about kids because I don’t want my partner to wake up one day, decide he does want those kids after all, and then walk away. Of course things happen outside our control, but I try to avoid avoidable heartache by asking these types of questions.
Best of luck to you!
I wouldn’t take this seriously. Plenty of “not father material” and losers have children.
No, it’s a green flag
Women prefer bad decisions over good ones. Ive been fortunate to have stayed single and avoided 2 nasty divorces. 42. Financially secure and dont have one issue with it.
For things like this based on gender flip it around- is a 45 woman w no kids a red flag? No.
Dodge those bullets like Neo.
Life isn’t black or white. I’ve come across plenty of older men and women that were married and/or had kids that were HUGE red flags yet still managed to trap somebody.
I would have to get to know the guy tbh. Sometimes there’s nothing wrong and life was just unfortunate to them … sometimes there is something wrong and that’s why people steer clear of them. We would never know until you actually talk to them.
I am 44 and have no kids and have never wanted them. Saying not having kids is a red flag it like saying something like a “high body count” makes someone a bad person.
Personally, I’d rather meet someone who doesn’t have them than someone who does have them and isn’t a good dad.
Green flag