TLDR: My bf complains about being a teacher every single day, and makes snarky comments about me having a “less stressful job” and it’s getting on my nerves.

My bf (25m) and I (25f) have been together for 5 years and living together for 1. Two years ago (before we started living together) he became a teacher.

Ever since we moved in together all he does is complain about his job and how exhausting it is. I completely understand that teaching is an exhausting job, but in our time living together he has never voluntarily said something positive about teaching without being prompted/asked (for example if someone asks him how he likes teaching he won’t complain, but will complain every day after work).

I’ve tried to make lighthearted jokes about how much he complains about teaching and he’s only ever gotten offended and said “you just don’t get it”. Which is true because I don’t, because I’m not a teacher. But I do work a fairly stressful 9-5 so it’s not like I’m a bum.

What really gets on my nerves is that when we have to do something, such as run errands, or ask him to do something on the weekend/a day off he has from school while I’m still working, he’ll get mad at me and complain saying he works so hard he needs his time off. And on occasion, he’ll make snarky comments about how my job isn’t as “difficult”. Granted I do get a lot more perks working in a more corporate role (wfh twice a week, more PTO, occasional corporate paid lunches) but that doesn’t diminish the actual work I do and stress I feel at my own job.

I understand that teaching is a genuinely difficult profession, and I’m sure more emotionally taxing than my job. But he just complains so much it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to speak to him after work because I know I’m just going to have to listen to him rant everyday. Is there a way to bring up my feelings about how much he complains, and how he diminishes my job, without making it sound like I don’t respect the work he puts in?


4 comments

  1. I have 2 scripts for you:

    When I hear you dismissing the stress that I feel at my job, I feel frustrated because my need for validation is not being met. Would you be willing to try listening to how my day went without comparing it to yourself?

    When I hear you complain about work every single day, I feel overwhelmed because my need for connection is not being met. I don’t like being dumped on. Would you be willing to do some stress-relieving activities immediately after work so we can make the most of our time together when you get home?

  2. He’s a teacher by choice. He didn’t get drafted to serve the children. Teaching can be hard but it’s also got it’s perks like summers off and he’s off by 230 3 o’clock. I can’t stand a complaining person. Nobody forced him into anything so if he doesn’t like what he’s doing he can always do what makes him happy and stop draining everyone around him. Pityful.

  4. Sounds as if your bf is just a chronic complainer and if it’s not teaching it’ll be something else.

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