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Cancelled a date on Saturday. I like the guy, but he’s suddenly changed his communication style. I asked about it, just checking in and careful with language to avoid blame, and he brushed me off.
I realise I’m not interested in someone who takes 2 days to respond, and doesn’t respect my time.
Have date plans with the girlfriend this weekend, including having her meet my parents. But she’s been fighting a cold since Monday. I’m giving her space, just checking in every couple of days and not pestering her about the plans or anything. I just hope she’s feeling well enough by this weekend so that we don’t have to cancel.
Last year I told myself I’d continue my break from dating and focus even more on getting my mental health under control. But here I am, one year later and thousands spent on appointments and pills and things are *worse*. Nothing is working. Seems like I’m never going to have it together enough at this rate.
I told mom about him. All she asked was, ‘Is he treating you well?’
I’ll see if i can get both of them in the video call since time different is 5hrs now but he’ll be off this friday.
Also mom still didnt notice my new big ass tattoo lol
I was kissing this woman I’ve seen a handful of times last night, she was cupping and stroking my face and I loved it – I told her as much as she smiled and said “Your beard is SO nice I can’t help it” and the wayyyyyyyy I melted
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My first therapy appointment was supposed to be yesterday. I traveled the 25 minutes to the office, only to find the parking lot empty and the door locked. Nobody answered the phone. I received about 10 appointment confirmation texts and emails confirming the date and the location.
I texted the office phone number (that’s how the appointment was set up) and today got a reply that oh sorry, the appointment was actually supposed to have been in the new office another half hour away.
Sharing this story for you all to imagine a very social anxious meek woman entering an empty parking lot, frantically trying to open a locked door, shaking dialing a phone number and then driving away totally defeated. I can laugh now but this always happens to me, the literal worst fears of someone with anxiety coming true.
Anyway… back to the wait lists I go
I (30 year old man) am very much a complete newcomer to dating. Prior to last Thursday I had never been on an actual date before but since then I have had two dates with a 29 year old woman I met on hinge. We’ve been talking fairly regularly for two weeks now and I’m into her and think that she’s into me too. First date was for drinks, second date was a walk and grabbing lunch.
I’m feeling that the vibes are good because she has initiated conversations at times when I don’t reach out first, she’s made planning future dates so easy as she’s enthusiastically shared places and ideas of things we could do or check out together, on our first date she told me how attractive she finds me and we kissed goodnight, and we don’t live super close to one another so she’s putting in the time to get ready and meet up with me for our dates.
My question to you all, is how the fuck do I approach the physical side of dating as a 30 year old man with no experience? I have surprisingly found the conversational side of dating has come super easily to me. On both dates I was not nervous at all once it got going, and found that talking and flirting with her was like second nature to me. Our conversations flow super smoothly both in person and over text.
But the physical side of dating makes me so fucking anxious. She knows it’s been a while (college) since I’ve put myself out there, as that came up very briefly on our first date….and the kiss at the end of our second date which I thought was awkward must have not been too bad as we’re going out again tonight.
With all this in mind though, does anyone have any pointers for a newcomer like me when it comes to being physical on a date? I’m seeing her again tonight for a date to a ballgame and don’t wanna fuck it up. I recognized after the fact that I didn’t flirt-fully touch her once at all on our walking date (even though I very much wanted to) besides the hug and kiss goodbye at the end. And both kisses we’ve shared so far I’ve just sort of stood there and done nothing with my hands which upon reflection definitely comes off quite awkward.
Feel like I’m being punished
It’s been about 2 years since my last relationship. My ex pulled away and eventually ended the relationship. Since then I have had basically zero luck in dating and finding dates. At first I shrugged it off and continued on trying different things. I know I’m not the best catch looks wise as a guy but I like myself and used to have a dating life.
Now I’m feeling like I’m paying off some sort of karma debt or I’m being punished. It’s now very evident I’m no longer getting matches or intrest. It’s like life is punishing me for this relationship ending since I saw her as my dream person. Even though I was working hard to keep the relationship going and was begging thrm to do couples therpy throughout it.
I’m not sure how to reframe this, especially when my dating life continues to be dead.
Three cheers, folks: Second Date Guy is now Third Date Guy. We went to a couple bars, then did some sophomore stuff on my rooftop. I’m excited for the full test ride. The question: should I go all out this time and wax my asscrack?
My boyfriend flies back today. I’m so excited.
DAE change their non-negotiables for reliability and emotional availability? As I get older I feel I need someone reliable to be there for me, someone with a good character, a kind heart, sustains daily emotional presence, can show up for me if I end up in ER. Intellectual connections and shared interests in creative pursuits used to be my non-negotiables as they’re part of my life purpose and I find it a magical feeling to share that with a partner. But my experience with intellectual and artistic types has not been glorious in terms of relationship sustainability. So now I find myself shifting towards the reliable and durable type despite lack of shared pursuits, but it’s a new experience and I wonder if I’m making the right decision.
What’s a good way/time to bring up not wanting to sleep over early on with a new person you have sex with?
Things tend to get flirty and physical by the 3rd-4th date for me but I don’t do early sleepovers these days, primarily because I sleep with a rigid arm brace for my arm in an extended position and it’s brutal sharing a bed (I imagine this is a similar struggle for people with CPAPs). Things tend to get a little awkward then after we have sex and I excuse myself to leave due to my arm. I’m getting surgery in 9 months for it but until then, I’m just not sure how or when to communicate that without being too presumptive or bringing it up awkwardly before getting intimate.
Would any (preferably women) here be willing to do a “what vibes does this give” profile review of me? I’m trying to see mostly if I’m even accurately representing myself OR maybe I’m just not who I think I am.
I think he’s it. From what I can tell, he’s thinking about his future with me too.
We’re planning to chat about where things are going more concretely in a couple months, and I’m actually excited rather than nervous about it.
I’m going to meet his parents in a couple months too. Scary.
My mental health spiral around messaging my date while she is away continues, what I’d give to not have anxious attachment!
I think tomorrow may be the last day of her trip and she’s kept in touch a lot, and I haven’t been admitted to a mental hospital yet so I’ll take it as a win.
Out in the wind, to the ears of someone I love: “if you meet someone you like and you have a date scheduled and you don’t enjoy the way they’re texting you, please remember that they are a complete stranger and it is okay to either not text before dates, or let them know how you’d like to interact before dates. The likelihood that you meet someone with your exact preferred texting cadence, along with everyone else, is extremely low. You do not lose or give up anything by saying something vs having them guess it. They are not your parent, anticipating the needs of a baby.”
What are some key questions to ask a divorcee during first date? All i know so far is shes divorced and no children.
Just cancelled a second date 50 mins prior as the dude texted me “Absolutely! I much prefer deep conversations! …. And if you can’t handle that you will need to find another way to occupy my mouth 😉”. He said sorry that this was a bad/silly attempt at flirting… and how “I didn’t even try and hold your hand let alone kiss you on our first date”. I gagged, and said I’d pass. Man is 37. God maybe no wonder why you’re single, mate. I don’t think I overreacted, but just to confirm… AIO?
Things are going really well with the guy I’ve been dating… I’m gonna introduce him to my (adult) children soon and I’m actually really nervous about it!
Sharing a “relearning” moment:
I (M) let my hair go way more than I probably should. Probably a habit I should learn to break. It’s been 9 weeks since the last cut.
Whelp, went ahead and got it done and wandered into a cafe and turned the heads of an entire group of ladies. They looked embarrassed upon noticing that I was glancing their way. 🤣
Does any of this mean anything? Not really, but if I ever need a pick me up maybe I should just go get a haircut. 🫠
I’m having issues with the last couple of guys I matched with who set up dates next to them and far from me. The last one I didn’t realize until the time of the date when I put the location in maps, it was a 45 min drive I asked him where he lived and he said around the corner. It was a coffee “date”. Matched with another guy and he asked me on a date (supposed to be today) he asked where I live and said ok let’s meet at x. I double checked his profile and x is where he lives. Is this dating know-a-days guys expect you to drive to them?
Why isn’t there singles mixers on weekends?
I run across a lot of people who have bios that tell me absolutely nothing about them.
I just swipe left. Like I’m trying to figure out what type of relationship you are looking for, your hobbies, politics, etc.
If you don’t have a couple of sentences about that, I’m just going to swipe left.
I think sometimes people aren’t having success because their profile is crap.
I (32M) just feel like a complete broken mess and like I’ll never be ‘dateable’ again. Recently out of a 10 year on/off toxic relationship, both parents died within the last few years. Dad was really never a part of my life, and my mom did the best she could but I had a complicated relationship with her. Went ‘crazy’ after my mom died and pushed most of my friends away, lost my job, and just feel like it is almost impossible to connect with anyone even as friends these days. I had to move to one of the largest cities in the world for my new job and I have never felt more lonely in my life. No friends or family here, no network other than my professional network. I feel traumatized by my last serious relationship and don’t feel like I’m anywhere near ready to be held to the expectations of someone else again. At the same time I wonder when I will ever be “ready” to date again. At this rate and the way things have been going in my life, it feels like that might not happen until I’m in my 40s or later and well past my “prime” (not that I would consider my current state to be “prime” anyway), or it feels like it might not happen at all. I’m also very short at 5’3″ which ironically seems to matter more as I’ve gotten older. My life is basically just go to work, come home, and smoke weed and play video games. I miss the feeling of companionship, but I know that no one would want to be with me the way I am now and so I’ve resigned to… whatever this life is. Maybe some people are just meant to be alone.
I think I’m due for a dating break. And a DoT break. The vibe here has been a little too sad/anxious lately & I want to make an attempt to focus on the fun parts of single life. I do appreciate the freedom & I am glad I’m not in a bad relationship & I do remember the monotony that comes with even a very good LTR (honestly, it gets so boring if you don’t work, hard, at keeping things interesting, but I do have an artistic temperament).
I *do* have a lot of love in my life, and a lot of deep, intimate connections. I do see that & I am grateful for it.
But I’m still so bummed things didn’t work out with the last guy. It sucks, cause we only dated for three months (rounded up), and that ended weeks ago. (And I keep running into him at our mutual hobby). I feel like I should be over it, but I’m just not, and I’m not sure when I’m going to feel over it. It’s rare I really like someone. It’s rare I’m that attracted to someone. It’s rare I feel so in synch with someone in the bedroom.
The whole experience was really confusing and I feel like I got chewed up and spit out. I don’t know if that’s just dating while open & vulnerable or if it’s because I didn’t cut bait at the first sign he wasn’t as in it as I was (maybe both), but damn, if this is just dating, I don’t have the constitution for it.
My BFF says he sucks and he knew what he was doing playing with my feelings. I don’t know. I think he’s probably trying his best like we all are, but I also don’t see how it could take someone three months to decide they didn’t want a serious relationship, even with that (with me) parenthetical at the end.
I know, as an adult, I’m the one who has to protect myself, and, yeah, I get mad at my girlfriends when they keep going back to guys who have shown them they are not it. And it did end & I’m not going back. But I wish it wasn’t this way. I wish we were all more aware of where we’re really at and honest about it. It sucks having to be so hypervigilant all the time (esp when I’m in therapy to be less hypervigilant). I wish we could trust people’s words and not just their actions.
how do people find people to go on a date with? it’s literally crazy
edit: i mean i am not even talking about multiple dates or a relationship lol
Opened the Reddit app and it said r/datingoverthirty not found and I panicked that it had been deleted 😱
A guy I had planned to meet for a date this Saturday cancelled on Monday. Says he needs to talk for longer before meeting (says he struggles letting anyone close to him after his last relationship ended 2.5 years ago) but hasn’t come forward to suggest how long for. We live 4.5 hour one-way drive from each other. Been talking for 1.5 weeks so this Saturday would have been the two week mark.
He’s still consistent with messaging. We have spoke on the phone for total of 4.5 hours but not since he cancelled the date. I wanted to meet sooner rather than later to keep the momentum going especially with such a long distance apart. I don’t really know what to think of it all, I fear being led on or if I’m wasting my time.