I'm uncertain about what to do in my relationship now. I've been together with my boyfriend for over a year after we met overseas, and he decided to move to my hometown which i’m so grateful for. After he moved, I realised he wasn't who I expected.
Let me preface this by saying that he’s genuinely a caring, genuine, and great partner. However, he is very active in engaging (or addicted) with porn, which has created some issues for me because of my past relationships and experiences with infidelity, alongside watching my parents have a shitty marriage. Since then I have been growing more anxious which also impacted my self worth.
We have talked about this many times, and while there have been some improvements such as deleting accounts and reducing time—nothing has changed for me. I’m still dealing with anxiety, struggling with low self-esteem, and being avoidant, which I am actively working to overcome.
In many ways, I still feel as though I am reliving the moment I discovered that I had been cheated on (sudden realisation while writing this). It feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy where i’m just going to break his heart or be absent in a relationship because I expect the same thing to happen. Maybe it will be better off if we went separate ways and he gets to better someone who fit his ideals according to whatever porn he watches.
I love this person a lot and he genuinely cares about me but I don't know what to do anymore and need some advice from someone who went through a similar situation. I’m exhausted being in the position again and want some fresh air.
TLDR: I (27F) found out that I was cheated on in the past and am worried its going to happen again in my current relationship (28M).