TLDR:
Girlfriend became VERY close VERY fast with a guy she met at her CrossFit gym, and is now working out with him late into the night, doing partner acro with him, and becoming very close. She is also withholding a lot of information from me which I have to uncover by interrogating her or going through her phone.
Her and I have been together for 5 years, and up until a month ago I couldn't even imagine her SPEAKING to another man in a friendly manner. Her and I were best friends even though we have had a bit of a rough patch lately.
I am a small business owner and I am extremely focused on work and progressing forward and I will admit, I haven't been the best boyfriend to her. Most days I am unable to be happy, because of the immense amounts of stress on me. Because of this, I am unable to give her love in the way that she wants (dates, flowers, sweet notes) and instead fall back to things that are easy for me like cooking and cleaning for her. Side note, I am EXTREMELY INSECURE. That is why I am posting this. I am worried that I may be overreacting.
About a month ago, she met a girl at her CrossFit gym, we will call her J. J and her became VERY close VERY fast and they are very well bonded. Because of J, she opened up more in the CrossFit community and is now making a lot more friends, including T, the man in question.
The timeline of events is as follows:
-she starts doing partner acro/yoga with J and she absolutely loves it. She comes home and tells me how much fun she is having every single night
-she starts going to partner acro/yoga classes with J, in which she is doing acro with J along with one of her coaches who is a man (NOT T), which I told her I was okay with, but in reality I don't feel great about it at all.
-T, who she met at partner acro, asks her if she wants to do a CrossFit competition with her. Teams of 2, one male one female. This competition means that she will have to train with him EVERY DAY for 3+ hours. She says yes, trains with him one night, and then comes home and asks me if its okay if she does this competition (without telling me that she already started training with him). I say YES, but I know deep down I am not comfortable with it. She reassures my by telling me that her girl friend, J, will always be training with them so it won't just be her and T. (lie #1)
-She starts getting very friendly with him, bringing him coffees when they work out in the morning and he starts bringing her food sometimes. When they work out at night, it goes late into the night. The gym is open 24/7 as an open gym so she comes home sometimes at 10:00 PM or later. I imagine they are the only people at the gym at that hour.
-We had our first fight about this in which I basically tell her I'm not comfortable with her being this close with another guy. I found out through questioning her if she has been doing acro with T as well, and she says yes (withheld that from me prior). I look through her phone (I know, red flag) and find she has been messaging him on Instagram a LOT– typically about training and acro but they seem VERY friendly with each other. I tell her I need her to be 100% transparent about what is going on between the two of them from now onward, she agreed (lie #2).
-They go on a run (just the two of them) together and then do their workouts together. He posts a video of them doing acro together and when I saw it it made me want to throw up. She then gets home at 10:00 PM that night.
-I question her about acro, asking if she did any that night. She says yes, her and J did acro together. Then she said oh yeah T was there too. And THEN she said that "oh yeah, T and I did acro together alone". Apparently J left early and they were alone in the gym until 10:00PM doing partner acro.
-I go through her phone and find out that she had a talk with him about OUR relationship and the problems we are having. She didn't tell me about this earlier. We had a big breakout fight and she tells me that he is "just a friend", that "i don't understand the situation", and that "she is finally happy and she finally has friends and now I want to take them away from her"
-She tells me that she has been delaying coming home to me because she doesn't want to deal with the stresses and the problems in our relationship so she chooses to stay longer at the gym instead.
She has been working a LOT as well so she leaves at 6AM and comes home at 10PM after a full day of work+gym. She then complains that we don't have a connection anymore.
I know for a FACT that if I was this close with a girl that I met at the gym, she would be EXTREMELY unhappy. She says that she wouldn't be, though, and that she would understand. I feel like I HAVE to keep going through her phone because every time I do, I find something new that she didn't tell me about. She is constantly hiding information from me. This is a slippery slope, and I know it will only get worse.
I don't know if this is emotional cheating, but I am pretty convinced it is. I don't believe she has physically cheated on me yet though that just seems like it is yet to come.
UPDATE:
wrote this post a few days ago, since then he has messaged her that he is getting deployed in about a month (he is a military guy). She responds with "no.", which gives off the tone of immense sadness in my opinion.