We’ve been together for 4 years and living together for 2. We’ve talked about having kids in the future, we have a cat, and we’ve built some big plans together. I even turned down a job that paid three times more just to stay in the same city with him because I believed in our future.
But lately money has become a constant fight. We live in a nice area of the city that is close to nightlife, so rent and expenses are high. I’ve suggested moving somewhere cheaper, but he refuses because he wants to stay near his friends and the bars he goes to on weekends. At the same time, he constantly complains about being broke.
What frustrates me is the contradiction. At the supermarket he swaps items for the cheapest ones or asks me to cover the bill because he says he is short. But then he goes out drinking on Fridays and spends on Magic: The Gathering. He signs up for tournaments, buys booster packs, and sometimes even expensive singles for his deck. Meanwhile, after covering what he can’t, I am left with almost nothing for myself.
We also live in a country where the economy is already tough and prices keep going up, so every peso really matters. I’ve tried bringing it up calmly, but he doesn’t listen. He either gets defensive or brushes me off. He is a good man in many ways and that’s why I have stayed, but with all the sacrifices I’ve made and the future we’ve talked about, I feel drained.
How do I talk to him about his spending and our finances without making it a confrontation, and how do I get him to actually hear me?
TL;DR: Boyfriend (26M) complains about money but still spends on hobbies and nights out. I (24F) end up covering gaps and feel drained. How can I talk to him about finances without it becoming a fight?