I’m in my 30s and I’ve been realizing lately that I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about the deeper stuff — emotions, frustrations, fears, random thoughts I just need to get off my chest.
My wife is a good person, but whenever I try to open up, it either turns into something about her, or I just get the feeling she doesn’t really care or know how to respond. Sometimes I walk away from those conversations feeling more alone than I did before saying anything.
So I’m wondering — is it just me? Do other guys have someone in their life they can truly talk to, no filters, no judgment? A close friend, a sibling, a therapist, anyone?
Or is this just how it is for most men — we keep it all inside and just deal with it quietly?
Really curious how other guys handle this. Appreciate any honest responses.
27 comments
Yeah, I’m pretty lucky, I can talk about anything with my wife, my gf, and about 10 really close friends, when I used to need a therapist I would talk to them too.
No
Wife only, can’t even fully trust family these days
Used to be my big brother but since he passed away there’s no one. You get used to it.
Nope, sadly not. My wife spends her day working with other people’s mental health issues. Although I’m sure she’d say she’s happy for me to, I feel guilty unloading my issues on her because she needs downtime too. I just tend to let things eat away at me.
I don’t. The people in my life that I feel closest to, don’t want me to be weak or vulnerable. They need me to be a rock.
When I tried to open up in the past, they quickly dismissed it and it damaged the relationship for years to come. It was thrown back in my face months later.
Therapy or AI is the only solution.
I have a collection of people and together I can tell them about anything. I just have to pick the appropriate one for whatever I need to tell.
I could with my sister or my closest friend, but they’ve got enough going on that I decided not to burden them.
My wife. The only person i can and want to talk to about anything and everything.
I feel your second paragraph. My girlfriend is empathetic, but also has severe ADHD, so it makes really confiding in her difficult. Not because she would/wouldn’t disagree, but because her brain always makes a hard left and were on to an unrelated subject.
These days I have one really good friend that I can tell anything. And like, I mean really anything. And he will give advice, provide counter points, tell me if I’m being crazy, or just straight up roast me if I’m being dumb. However, he’s also developed some pretty severe mental issues, and I don’t like giving him more stress. We have a pretty firm “only give each other good news, and warn each other before we trauma dump” rule.
But that’s all that left.
My pops was the same way, he was my rock, but he developed pretty severe alcoholism and died earlier this year.
Another best friend that I could confide in has an aneurysm many years ago.
So that makes… 3 people in my life. 33 years, 3 people, and 2 of them are dead. Life can be unkind.
Yes, a few people. Not a great many, but a few. And I have one close friend who is exceptional in terms of lack of judgement and how intently he listens.
I think everyone needs someone outside of their family or spouse to confide in.
I can talk with my wife about most things but im lucky enough to have a best friend since 2nd grade. We can dump anything on eachother and its been a great help.
Therapy. I began weekly, then fortnightly, and now I’m at intervals of 3 weeks.
I sit for an hour and just empty every thought and feeling that comes into my head based on what has happened since we last spoke. He helps me make sense of it all and fit things into a broader context.
£60 per session is worth it for how much straighter my thoughts feel after, and the weight I feel like I’ve gotten off my chest.
I have people I can talk to, but not about everything.
I have friends but never talked to them about any personal struggles. I have gotten used to just keeping it inside but lately have started therapy but find it impossible to talk about anything personal.
It’s hard, I used to talk to my wife about everything, but then when we started having problems I didn’t have anyone to talk to about her, me, aging, work – the scary real stuff. Tried therapy but it’s too regular – I only need someone sporadically.
Then I met a female friend online through a common interest and we specifically serve that function for each other. It’s not perfect, but we’ve been doing it for over a year now and it’s nice to have a person like this in one’s life – no history, so no preconceived notions of one another, and we don’t live nearby, so no expectations of anything in person. May sound weird, but it works!
Nope and it fucking sucks. I don’t even have anyone who wants me around anymore. Everyone is busy living life and they forget about the only single person left in the group. Life sucks.
it can only be your best bro unfortunately, no matter what women say, even if it’s a friend, showing weakness or struggle to them will just bite u in the ass at some point… All you can do is find a bro that’s truly a bro and willing to spend time and open up about stuff like this. And/or therapy and I guess forums like this.
I’m in your boat, though I don’t have a partner, and only have one remaining family member.
I don’t know if I should be concerned, because right now I feel pretty chill.
I have a couple of very close guy friends I can talk to about anything, one more than the other in many cases. It’s great to have those connections.
If you want that, OP, you have to foster those connections. It takes a while and a lot of vulnerability. It’s not easy but it is worth it.
Actually I also felt the same, but now am feeling comfortable. I found few people in online, who are non judgemental and like minded people. Mostly we are not belongs to same domain and age group. So we used to share all the things which we can’t share with any person around you. It actually worked and helped lot. Some things can be shared with friends and some with family but not all. This kind of friendship has no boundaries so it’s easy to connect and share. Again it’s depends on the person who you choose.
My dog, but she doesn’t talk back to me
I talk to different people about different things and different levels.
You might need to discuss with your wife your conversation expectations. Have a designated “me time.”
Yes, I have a couple of friends i could talk to about anything.
To me, that’s a really important quality in a romantic partner (being able to be completely open and vulnerable), but I’m technically single for now.
Yes, a therapist. I go every week, I talk about my problems and my life and feel better afterwards.
I can talk to my best friend about anything. No judgement, only care, and I do the same for her.
Nope. I have a therapist that says I can tell her anything. Buuuuuut. I can’t open up 100%. I don’t dump on my small circle of friends as they to are going through some deep shit. We all know but we also know. Ya know? We can’t do that to each other. Some talk about shit but the deepest darkest most troublesome shit remains unsaid. Sad. We all need that person or people. I guess the love we have for each other is greater than risking making each other potentially worse off than we are now. But knowing we know there is more holds us together.