I've had a few girls recently tell me that they don't check this app much sorry for not responding and I'm just sitting here wondering why these people are on dating apps if you're NOT ACTUALLY CHECKING THE APP. Someone please explain the logic to me… I had this one girl who chatted with me a little after matching. She stopped responding so I ended up following up twice and on the second followup I told her I'd love to continue chatting in person. Never heard back from her. A month later she randomly reaches out to me apologizing saying she doesn't check the app much but would love to go out. I text her back trying to set up a date and no response. I ended up dropping my number after a few days and told her to text me when she sees this. She texted me that night saying sorry I really don't check this app my bad lol. Fast forward and we went on two dates.
Over the weekend, I matched with this other girl. She sent me one message and then followed up two days later. We chatted a lot yesterday and then she stopped responding at a given point. I got a long message from her tonight apologizing saying that she doesn't check the app much. She picked up the convo where we left off and I responded continuing it further and asked for her number. Haven't heard back yet but I'm sure she'll respond later at some point.
My question is why on earth are you on a dating app if you "don't check it much"? These aren't the first girls who have told me this but I'm genuinely curious what the logic is here when you're genuinely interested and are talking to someone. I get that some people aren't as serious about dating as others but even so logically speaking if you don't check the app much then why bother at all?
16 comments
Girls get tons of matches.
1. You’re just not that high on her priority list right now. (e.g. not the most attractive, the fact that you guys are just strangers)
2. They’re also busy living their lives.
>She sent me one message and then followed up two days later. We chatted a lot yesterday and then she stopped responding at a given point. I got a long message from her tonight apologizing saying that she doesn’t check the app much.
Don’t entertain people like this. Go find something else to do.
Because some people don’t put dating at the forefront of their lives.
Or some people are really busy IRL and then forget because they have dozens of other unchecked notifications (or don’t turn notifications on for dating apps).
Or some people might be pursuing another option first and it didn’t work out so they checked the app again.
Who knows. Point is, stop putting so much thought into the why and if you’re someone that values constant messaging, unmatched after a few days and move on.
People have lives that don’t revolve around their phones. When you chat with a girl ask her how SHE communicates best.
Is it in person? Is it a phone call?
Maybe she feels the conversation isn’t going anywhere with daily text check ins since it happens often and her eyes it does not equal actual effort like planning a date or a meetup would.
Does she have a job or friends that she would prefer to communicate with over a stranger? Why would she go online and risk having a potentially negative conversation with a stranger that may go nowhere when she can do it more sparingly so she has a nicer day.
Not everyone wants to be replying to random messages and texts all day to connect
If dating apps aren’t your main way of meeting people I can imagine some people mostly use them for entertainment/validation. It’s not great, obviously, as there is a big difference in expectations and communication between them and the people more dead set on making OLD work. It doesn’t mean they wouldn’t date you, just that their initial level of investment is fairly low. Some people are also bad texters/fairly offline/avoidant, which compounds the difference in attitude.
Dating apps can also be…overwhelming, especially for conventionally attractive women, who get a lot of likes/matches. A common experience among the women I’ve talked to about this is the following burnout after (foolishly, I think) trying to maintain conversation with 15+ people (because, let’s face it, initially it can be really exciting to have so many people interested in you).
As someone who also used dating apps for a bit of occasional validation, it can be easy to forget that every interaction can carry a lot of meaning for the person at the other end.
Thanks for reminding me to check my app. 😂
For some people I think it’s a polite way of saying they like having you as an option, but you weren’t top of their list. Or they really just have apps because they were bored & like the validation.
I only say this to people as an excuse to get OFF the app. “Hey, I don’t check this app much, but feel free to text me if you’re interested at ______”. If the person isn’t replying much anyways it’s kind of a wild hail Mary, but it sometimes works.
I think those ppl want more followers on social media. they want to steer the conversation towards “oh let’s exchange instagrams” so they can have an extra follower.
either that or they’re not that interested and are trying to softly apologise for the late/ no replies in a way that doesn’t feel personal so the other person doesn’t internalize the rejection
Maybe it doesn’t matter that much that “they don’t check the app that much”. Maybe what matters more is that you’re looking for someone who’s responsive. And if they’re not, they’re just not the right girl for you. They gotta make an effort to catch a fox like you! And if it takes a year to find the girl who’s responsive and awesome, it’s totally worth it, because think about how much more fun THAT relationship will be than with any of these folks who don’t get back to you when the iron is hot. Think about how YOU would act – if you’re excited about someone, you would get back to them right away. Maybe you’re really just looking for someone who’s as excited about you as you are about her. She’s out there, you just gotta go through the rest to find her!
it means they primarily come on the app when they are bored or horny or need validation. And once they get it, they will become scarce again.
I’ll check it a lot for a week or so, then my hormones change and I forget about it again…
“I ended up following up twice and on the second followup I told her I’d love to continue chatting in person”, that shows a fundamental lack of understanding of women. They do the app bro, they’re just lying to let u down lightly because they got bored of your overly keen msgs because you’re not rizzing them up
Just because they don’t check it much shouldn’t turn you off. I will say I met my current GF off FB dating and she said she never checked it until I sent her my intro message and she is without question the LOVE of my life, I got divorced last year which really broke me and after healing and growing and trying to date, meeting her was the best. Honestly we clicked so well and just so casually grew that I didn’t know she never checked it until later.
So if the person is right and you click well they will make the effort to talk to you.
Sign up, get disillusioned, forget.
It’s an excuse honestly.
Someone who is honestly looking for someone to date is active and responsive on a dating app.
Because they want to date but hate using the apps and find long conversations with people they’ve never met IRL exhausting.
Just ask them out quickly. It can be smart to start with basically a low-stakes meet’n’greet date just to see if you connect and get along.
I’m that girl who responded after a month. Here’s the thing, I do have dating apps, I chat and then forget about it and life gets busy and then I remember I have an app and when I go on there I respond to the ones I’m interested and sometimes some conversations get lost bc of the newer conversations. Is it fair, maybe not, but such is life. Dating is not my top priority.. it would be nice to date yeah but it’s not a top priority and I’ve come to realize that most women these days are like that. Men are more active on the dating apps but want something more causal and personally I feel like women want something real and let it be.. as in when it happens it happens. And most importantly I notice than men on dating apps are also not looking for something serious for the most part. Everyone just says “going with the flow” that is such a turn off statement.