I (27F) feel lost and exhausted. I have been in a relationship with him (27M) for 8 years, and for most of it, I was very happy with him. He is genuinely a wonderful human being and has a good heart. He loves and treats me the way I deserve. He is everything I wanted in a partner and a best friend.
He struggles with clinical depression and OCD. I have pleaded with him for the last 6 years to seek treatment. He won’t do it. I’ve asked him why, many times over the years, but the reason is never the same. I don’t think he’s convinced that a therapist will help him. Last year, he was fired from his job because he was burnt out and not fulfilling all his responsibilities. They offered to help him, but he refused. For all of this year, he hasn’t done anything to help himself. I’ve encouraged him to take the time he needs to look into therapy or find something else to do to take care of himself while he transitions to the next thing.
We’ve been long distance for the last two years, and I fly out almost every month and holiday to see him and my family. We’re long distance because I wanted to go back to college and work towards my goals. I have my own apartment and told him that maybe a change in his life would help him see things differently and seek treatment, like moving in together where I am now. He doesn’t want to do it because he wants to figure out his purpose and trajectory before he makes any changes.
I was already upset about him not getting the help he needs or moving on, but now he isn’t letting our relationship move forward either. After 8 years together, I had hoped we can start planning towards our future and hitting those milestones that are important to both of us, like moving in together and getting engaged.
I feel like I’ve hit a wall. I turned to my therapist, close friends, and family about what to do in this situation. They all said I’m in an incredibly difficult position, and I need to think about my own boundaries and whether I can accept him the way he is now, if he never gets help. If I’m being honest, I’ve been unhappy for almost a year, and I’ve tried to communicate with him how his depression is impacting our relationship and hurting me. He says he knows all this and that this is his fault. I told him I need for us to come up with a plan to have a happy, healthy relationship again, and move on, but then he says he can’t do that without knowing his purpose.
At this point, I’m considering a pause in the relationship to give him the space to reconsider seeking help without feeling pressured and for me to protect my own well-being because I’m burning out fighting with him and waiting for him to make progress.
Reddit, do you think this is the next step to take at this point?
TL;DR: My boyfriend refuses to seek treatment for his clinical depression, and it’s impacting our relationship and preventing us from moving forward. What’s the next step after I’ve communicated with him that it is, and he still hasn’t taken any action?