I had a revelation after another failed second date that I "didn't feel a connection" with – my dates were boring because I planned them so poorly.
For a first date, I always do drinks or coffee for around 2 hours. This is always fine because I can talk 2 hours for no problem. Just long enough for us to get comfortable enough together to have some laughs
For the second date I always do dinner then sit in a park (usually like 4-5 hours total)
Consistently, conversation always dies down on that second date in the last couple hours.
As a result, I always interpret that as "oh I guess she's not the one, I don't really click with her"
Until I realized I don't hold my close friends, who I genuinely connect with, to the same standard.
I never sit and talk with them, doing nothing for hours on end. If I did, I am certain the convo would die off.
I get bored just talking – independent of my connection with someone.
But all along, I've been conflating this boredom with a lack of a connection.
Moving forward I'm thinking at the very least, I do dinner and some sort of activity, if not just some activity during the day.
I'm curious to hear what people who have had success have done for their dates.
I will add, as further evidence, the one time I did an activity on a second date, we saw a comedy show. That was coincidentally the one time I had success, and we saw each other for a couple months