I'm not trying to use my disability as a crutch to my other problems, but holy fuck its so fucking hard out here. Despite being in therapy and taking the time to learn social skills, I still feel like I have to trial by fire everything.
Its so difficult feeling like you've made a new friend or a new connection only to find out you were making them uncomfortable/bothering them. It makes me really upset accidentally creeping out people because my brain finds it near impossible to read disgust or discomfort when people are being polite.
I've been blocked by so many people for things I didn't know I was doing wrong. For making people uncomfortable. I always try to apologize but I still struggle with it. I'm usually upfront with people at this point to tell me if I'm making them uncomfortable or doing something wrong, but still.
And dating, its so fucking hard. I can't get past the talking phase because I feel like I miss or am missing so many small details that fly over my head. Any girl I've ever asked out has always rejected or it never goes beyond anything platonic. I spend half the time guessing if what I'm doing or what they're doing is coming off as friendly or flirty. I struggle with either coming on to strong or not coming on at all. I come off as desperate when I don't mean to. It just feels like everyone was born with this rulebook memorized and I'm trying to scribble down notes and study the night before the test.
I've never been on a date, and I've either never been flirted with or I've never noticed. The closest I've ever gotten was in middle school where some of the girls in my class tried to take me out on a "date" that involved embarrassing me in front and recording it. People tell me I need to try and date fellow autistic people, but its hard trying to find people whose mom also took Tylenol during pregnancy /s. I'm in therapy, and its kinda getting better? But therapy is not there to teach me how to flirt or how to date, nor is that why I'm attending it
I know all of these are me problems and I'm trying to work on them. It just feels so impossible and honestly makes me feel like I won't ever even being to date. I just want be normal I guess. I just wish I knew I was good enough and that there wasn't something wrong or broken with me.
Edit: Spelling
4 comments
Don’t feel bad – it also feels impossible for all us non autistic folks
Idk, I’m not autistic and still struggle with a lot of what you’re talking about. It’s probably very hard to tell the difference between standard dating struggles and autistic dating struggles. The balance between coming off too strong or not strong at all is a symptom of modern dating that is not you btw. It’s got more to do with women not understanding how men work, and men not understanding how women work. Men show interest by talking to and engaging with someone. Some women do that, but younger women seem to be more inclined to use looking at him to indicate that she likes him. It’s ridiculous I know, but it’s also accurate. Trust me there is no rule book some guys are just better at faking it till they make it. Also you gotta remember that most of the people who are faking it, their relationships likely won’t last or be healthy. All you need to do is remember is that it only takes one woman to like you. Just one, all you have to do is find her. Hope that helps (I made several assumptions about age, gender, stuff like that so hopefully I didn’t offend)
I feel this. I’m barely on the spectrum but still struggle with a lot of this, I can only imagine how much more it can be.
Honestly, as someone with ADHD, I’m always game to date someone with autism, even if they miss the social cues. In a way it’s kind of endearing. And I figure I’ll just have to be honest if there’s a situation where I’m uncomfortable. Nothing wrong with that – relationships are built on good communication and transparency