Marriage counseling is slowly showing me that my own hyper independence is what has been holding me back in my marriage. I never understood why I always felt disconnected, almost an arms length away in emotional connection from my husband who has always told me he sees us as a true partnership with respect. I felt disconnected from his words and just nodded along. I always felt I needed to keep my own independence because letting it go would be like losing my identity. At work, I was always praised for being able to handle it all, problem solve my way out of anything, and always turned around work tasks efficiently. I trusted no one but myself to get shit done. The same attitude was how I handled raising our kids in this marriage.
I’m now realizing that for a healthy marriage, letting my husband in and showing vulnerability is not me losing my independence. I would be building a safe connection instead, interdependently. I just don’t know how to do that.
For other hyper independent people, how did you “unlearn” your traits to be more trusting to let others in?