I (21F) will have been in a relationship with my (22M) boyfriend for three years this December. I met him in my second month of university. He was my third kiss, my first time and my first ever relationship. I have pretty much no other relationship experience than him, and he has had a few relationships in the past.
This June we have moved in together, and since then I have been plagued with doubts about our relationship, whether this is what I really want, and whether I have settled too quickly. As far as he is concerned, I am his soulmate, he wants to spend the rest of our lives together and he doesn't really have any long-term goals or ambitions outside of our relationship. As much as I hate to admit it I don't really have similar feelings about our relationship right now. This may be due to the fact I have experienced a lot of change recently – I graduated university in July and I am experiencing somewhat of a post-graduation 'slump' of sorts which I am seeking help for. Not to mention, I have moved in with him which is a huge change as I am used to having a lot of my own time to be alone.
I have certain career goals and ambitions that will have me relocate to hours away or even overseas. He says he would come with me because he doesn't want to be apart from me but I'm really not comfortable with that. The idea of bringing him to a completely new place that I know he won't particularly like, where he knows nobody and where his life will get smaller to essentially revolve mainly around me fills me with dread and panic. I have recently communicated this with him and he clearly isn't happy with the idea and doesn't really understand but he would let me do it.
I also really have not been feeling the spark I once used to feel with him. I know it's natural to have the 'honeymoon period' end and it throws you through a loop, which is what I am currently feeling. I used to feel so infatuated and wanted to spend all of my time with him, and would've sacrificed anything to be with him. At the moment, I feel like I am living with a best friend who I love, but I am not feeling IN love with. He is trying so hard to make it work by doing dates/other romantic things and cheering me up, and I want to devote myself to doing the same to try and make it work but I'm just not really feeling it and I don't know why. I am constantly plagued with thoughts of wanting to be single again, being totally free to do what I want, and thoughts of having relations with other people – nobody specific, just… people. He's not done anything wrong, I don't feel neglected, I just feel different about us.
Part of me wants these feelings to go away and to make it work so I can be happy with him again, but another part of thinks I might be doing that because I want to delay the inevitable of breaking his heart. The unknown of whether I would ever find another person who loves me and gets along with me as well as he does also weighs on me, but forcing myself to stay with him due to that fear is a disservice to him and myself if I am still not happy.
I am in the process of seeking help with my GP to try and process these feelings with a professional but it's taking a while. I feel so lost and confused. I care so very deeply for him, and I do still have fun moments with him, I am just not feeling any passion or romance at all even though I am trying to. The thought of hurting him and breaking his heart pains me deeply but I worry it may be inevitable. Part of me thing if I had another year or two of singlehood before getting with him I wouldn't be having any doubts right now. But because he is the only romantic relationship I have ever known, I keep thinking about what or who else there could be out there for me. I don't want to settle and resent myself and him for in years time.
I am feeling so conflicted right now, and any advice or reassurance that I am not alone would be helpful. Am I avoiding confronting the fact that I have grown apart and it's time to part ways, or is the relationship saveable?
TL;DR: I'm seriously doubtful about whether I should stay with my partner. I feel so conflicted and this might just be a temporary blip due to recent change in my life, but it's eating me up inside.