Hi all,
I (31F) have been dating my boyfriend (32M) for about a year. Things are serious — we’ve already talked about marriage and building a life together. Overall, I love him and the relationship has been good, but there’s one issue I’m struggling with.
He has a few long-time female friends:
• Friend (32F) – they’ve been close for many years. She leans on him emotionally, especially after rough relationships.
• Friend (36F) – another long-term friend, they keep in regular contact and she messages him often.
• Friend (32F) – more of a casual friend, but still part of his inner circle.
• Friend (20F) – someone he used to work with. She’s his top Instagram interaction. He says they only share work memes, but I’ve never met her.
He tells me he has healthy boundaries with them, and I don’t want to be controlling or jealous. At the same time, I feel like each of these women gives him a different kind of emotional bond. It leaves me questioning where I fit in. If we’re talking about marriage, I feel like I should be his primary emotional partner.
I’m wrestling with whether this is something I can/should bring up now. We’re only a year in, and I don’t know if it’s fair to ask for a shift this early, or if it’s a red flag for our long-term compatibility if these friendships don’t change.
My question is: Is it too soon in a relationship to ask for boundaries/changes around opposite-sex friendships, or is it reasonable to expect this before moving toward marriage?
tl;dr: Been with my boyfriend (32M) for a year, he has multiple close female friends (20F–36F) who give him emotional support. He says boundaries are good, but I feel uneasy and wonder if it’s too soon to ask for changes before we get more serious.