Dating has taught me some very harsh but true lessons.
In the beginning, I used to think that if someone was polite, they were probably interested, or if someone was giving mixed signals, maybe I should just try a little harder. But gradually, I realized that there are some truths in the dating world that can't be ignored
No one is that busy… If they're truly interested, they'll make time.
Politeness doesn't mean attraction.
Mixed signals are almost always a no-no.
People clearly know what they want or don't want from youtrying to change them will only waste your time and energy. And the most painful but freeing truth of all: the people who truly love you will be few, but they will be enough. Sometimes these lessons sound simple, but they take years to realize.
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If he wanted to, he would. Hardest lesson I learned from having a crush on an emotionally unavailable man.
Just because they like you, doesn’t mean they want you
Sometimes, it’s just not right, no matter how much you want to force it.
Actions speak louder than words.
Met an incredible woman who always told me reassuring things, but her inconsistency in person and ambivalence made me feel insecure about our potential.
The ‘he’s just not in to you’ and that ‘its not your fault’.
It did not matter that i both gifts, hand written post cards, always supportive and being on calls for hours listening to friends/family issues (personal therapist) , talking with his family, friends etc i tried my best and put out a lot of energy and he still cheated with his cheater ex that dumped him and only used for a short while for some attention.
That when you find someone you can click with, and get along with, Chat-gpt can handle the work, and you can be scammed hard for money. 51 years old, and still learning the tricks.
Tbh the average guys only goal is to sleep with you and there’s no foolproof way to vet them out. Some guys will self eliminate and bow out after the first few weeks if they don’t get laid. others play along until they do get laid and then they have a sudden revelation about how they’re not really feeling it, don’t wanna be tied down, or the scummiest of the scum will just ghost you. Its really a bunch of bullshit
When I was a kid, I thought the inky people who remained single most of their lives wanted it that way, were outright TERRIBLE people, or like “one in a million” unlucky.
I know know it is quite common for normal, likable people who want a relationship to end up alone.
Porn addictions kill real emotional bonds.
Loyalty and hope will make you stay longer than you should.
Unfortunately potential isn’t enough, you need someone actively working on goals or betterment.
Once trust is broken its almost impossible to rebuild.
No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean I should accept everyone’s imperfections.
And that liking me a lot doesn’t mean shit.
1. You have to be yourself, being something else to impress someone can only last so long.
2. There has to be a connection and if someone rejects you then you have to accept they aren’t good for you no matter how “Great” they seem.
3. (Most important) You need to work at it everyday to be a good partner. My Ex and I got married and both gave up on doing our best because we thought since we were married we were safe and would be fine…Nope, we got divorced.
Letting a great partner go because I wasn’t fully in love with her. No fall out, no harsh ending, we’re still on good terms. Knew it wasn’t the right fit and ended it.
Has helped me grow a lot in making sure I don’t “settle” and actually find someone that I love as much as they love me. Staying with someone because it’s comfortable is always wrong for both parties
That you do have to love and respect yourself first, and recognize your worth before and while dating. Otherwise you don’t walk away sooner from red flags.
If they are still smarting over an ex, even talking to an ex, I am not going to be their answer. It is what it is. At least I know to bail when I see it.
That I am very easy to just ignore
Girls cheat more often than guys
Love is not enough
I’m 49 years old, never been married, and I don’t have kids. In addition to accomplishing success, being healthy, joyful in my life and achieving so much I’ve always just wanted someone to share my life with. And have him share his life with me. No one has chosen me yet, and I don’t know when it will ever happen. With the plethora of relationships that I’ve been in and sparing this platform all the details… The hardest and most honest lesson I feel I am re-learning because I did not listen to it during any of my relationships, you have to love yourself and put yourself first. You really have to choose you in a relationship.
I have a hard time, expressing my needs, and I know good men want to be in a place with women where she can rely on him and go to him. We can only set those boundaries and be open to receiving that kind of safety and love and romance and support and intimacy with and without sex when we can express what we need which I feel can only happen when you love yourself and choose yourself by putting yourself first. This took me a long time to finally take action to do and I hope my next relationship will be aww inspiring.
It doesn’t matter what I want, I’ll never get what I want.
He didn’t love you, just what you did for him.
Never buy a pet together and when you break up they don’t want to co parent with you.
Calibrate your flirtation intensity. I love to flirt and talk and as I got older learned to reign it in when I realized that some woman took it way more seriously than I realized. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk. I really enjoyed the interplay but finally realized I was sending mixed signals and being something of an asshole.
Looks DO matter heavily. For men and women unfortunately. Im a woman and i did not take care of my body for a year and faced a lot of rejection which made me start taking care of my body again.
Harsh reality is even though i want someone who really likes me for me and my personality, looks still trump all
Right time means they’re the wrong person. This isn’t necessary always the case but thinking anything else just leads to holding onto people instead of acknowledging the truth of the situation
Also wanting to want/like someone can present itself as liking them but they are 100% not the same thing
Don’t dwell in the past; and move tf on.
Biggest lesson I wish teen me knew.
They can tell you they love you and want to be with you, but if their actions don’t SHOW that, then their words mean nothing
There’s a difference between a crush and loving someone.
When you crush on someone you’re attracted to their appearance and maybe even the idea of them, but you don’t really love them…
You don’t know enough about them to love them.
I’ve had two major crushes and I thought I really liked one of them, but I only liked the version of him I invented in my mind.
I was unable to get to know him because of distance and in the end he revealed his true nature, hurt me and moved on within a few days.
I now proceed with more caution and leave crushes at that and don’t go further unless they also show interest.
Of course crushes can turn into love, so be careful.
You can be in love with the right person just not in the right time, it goes both ways.
I could write a book, but off the top of my head, I would say that, when it comes to communication, no response IS a response. Communication is super important to me in a relationship, and ive put myself in too many situations where they showed horrible communication skills, and I would make excuses for them and overlook it, and they always ended the same way. And something I always knew deep down but it took me a while to realize, when you send those “good morning” text messages, or make those phone calls to check on them, and you get no response or even a largely delayed response, that in itself is a response, a response showing a lack of care, interest, and priority. Im not saying if I text you “hey, how’s it going?” that you have to blow my phone up within the next 10 seconds, but if you send a response saying “ok” 5 hrs later, that shows you dont give a shit.
Not exactly painful but frustrating that I didn’t learn these sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of heartaches.
Just because you give them something (gift or time) they don’t owe you ANYTHING. Even a thank you.
It’s way easier if you’re honest to yourself that you like someone and that you don’t want them simply as friends. It allows you to move on to someone else if the one you like doesn’t like you that way.
If there were doubts after a date or two, listen to those doubts. I had a gf for 5 years and my doubts never went away.
Just tell the one you like that you like them. Make it clear. If they don’t reciprocate, then that’s time and energy you’ve saved for yourself. And there’s no possible “confusion” on their part.
Don’t put too much pressure on dates, especially if it’s someone you just met. Dress nicely and make plans, but it’s about getting to know someone, not about love bombing them.
Date the person, not the idea.
If they don’t match your energy, they’re not interested.
Ive never dated, women had no interest, ive figured out why and its not something i can change, that door is closed and bricked up, now parking for new things to do alone
People are going to fk with your mind just for shits and giggles.
My most painful experience was when getting sort of ghosted after 3 dates that went really well and even ended with kisses.
Imagine you think you found your soul mate, even made great memories and created some stencil art banksy style…and then suddenly she doesn’t want to meet anymore. Tells you she has issues, doesn’t have time but still chats with you time to time.
And when you told her “gg” in terms of: Yeah, I’ve had enough of you playing with me, you won” and then you’re getting gas lighted, yep. That was fucking painful
I kept attracting people to recreate my childhood where I was either my Mom or I was my Dad. This happened for 20 years of healthy relationships. I refused to believe this at first
For guys, personality get your waaaaay further than looks. You can be amazing on paper (looks, finances) but very few women will want to date you if you aren’t fun or interesting to talk to or be around.
As a guy you cannot manifest love. You have to work hard and stand out in order to get a girlfriend in 2025 otherwise you won’t go anywhere in the current dating scene
Being a good person means nothing, people would rather pick bad person who’s fun.
That you can’t trust anybody
Heal your trauma before going into any relationship.
One day, out of the blue, your “one and only love” could just be done with ya and walk out of your life forever….no warning signs, no reasoning, no final goodbye, no closure and the worst part about it is that is you just have to accept it.
Thanks for providing a clarity on someone else’s behalf. 🙂
can i ask are you a guy or girl