I (42F) am supposed to have a first date today with a guy (41M) matched with on an app but as we’ve messaged over the last few days, more and more things have come out about his past that really conflict with my core values. He swears he’s different now but I don’t know how to get past it.
7 comments
Remember your red flags and how you worked through them. We all have/had red flags.
One
This post is vague.
If someone did something in their past that conflicts with your core values, my first question is are they still doing that now? Growth, maturity, change is actually possible for a person despite the internet saying otherwise.
You can choose to do whatever you want though. Personally, I don’t let a persons past bother me. That’s their story. If something in the present is an issue then that’s a different situation.
I use to think people didn’t change. I HAVE seen people change over time. Some for the better, and some for the worse. Life is a series of hundreds of choices every day. If you decide to give him a chance, you already know what to look for for him to demonstrate that he is actually different. Sometimes it can take months or years to people to fall back into old patterns. Don’t rush into anything. Set good boundaries and be sure to stick to them even though sticking to them is never the easy choice. Good luck.
It’s so subjective.
Everybody has a red flag to someone. That’s fine. You have to decide for yourself if this is something you want to work through, or see if it actually becomes an issue, or if it’s enough that you know you are never going to be happy in a relationship with this person.
Bail if you feel uncomfortable and know it would constantly upset later on. Don’t be afraid to stick up for you values.