TLDR – I have mental issues and substance abuse issues that I am addressing. A partner tells me I have made no progress, gaslights me and shames me every single chance they get despite me working my A** off with AA, psychiatry, other recovery programs, 3 types of therapy, mindfulness, meditation, yoga. I am battling CPTSD, life long mental illness and substance abuse disorder. I am doing absolutely everything I can and a partner says they see no progress. The following is my initial reaction to them telling me this. I hope they see it. Additional Context** we are poly and see multiple people.
Are you a movie theater? Because that is some serious projection! I've made a lot of progress, progress that you will never know about.
Here – I'll help you let go of me.
You never loved me. You were hyper fixated on me. You never liked me, you were obsessed with my image and abilities. You never wanted me, you wanted me to fix your problems and let you cosplay as an adult. You never cared about me, you continually enabled the worst parts of me. You were never honest with me, you hid yourself from me, you denied your true feelings to appease someone you were unhealthily obsessed with. You did not love me, you loved the way I made you feel, you loved what I provided for you, you used me. I was only a free meal ticket to you. You don't even see the pattern you have of using people for what they can provide. You continually repeat this process. Now John, Jay and the gross old men are your meal ticket. You don't even like Jay; you use people for what they offer you. You used John for perceived safety. You used Jay for a pool lol and you used old men for money.
You've lied to me and insulted me every step of the way. You have refused to face any of your issues while I have been facing all of mine head on and making a ton of progress; you're gaslighting me by telling me I haven't. You think I have a huge ego but look at you refusing to do any of the things you said you would instead you are so scared you're selling your body. You try to say and do things that you think will make me jealous because you are an inflammatory person. No one cares that you're dating an alcoholic with a motorbike.
Guess what, I'm dating a non-binary person who uses they/them pronouns and corrects people when they say she/her. She has a shaved head, a job, a dog and a house and is covered in awesome meaningful tattoos. I'm seeing a different girl who is rich and whats so funny about it is she owns property in fucking Beulah Michigan hahaha. Unlike you, when she inherited money she rolled it over into businesses instead of squandering the handouts. She owns 3 liquor stores and 2 convenience stores.
So go off and enjoy microwe penis and an alcoholic bike guy. They're clearly just so much better than me or the people I'm seeing. That was said to give you a taste of your own medicine. At least you can choke on the taste of that sting because John will never make you choke on what he has going on.
Being mad at you and pointing out reality isn't necessarily a backslide on my progress. Is it mean? Yes it is. You have been horrible to me since you left. Making up stories in your mind that fit your narrative. Even going as far as claiming financial abuse; bruh you paid 1/3rd of the rent… I took you out constantly, I took you on trips constantly. I treated you great. You're delusional. Unfortunately my mental illness got in the way and I regret that daily. Your solution to it was to push pills on me and enable me. You say people say "you did everything right" "you couldn't have done anything differently/better" and those are lies people who want to get in your pants are telling you. You could have asked me to stop drinking, you could have been forthcoming about your feelings. You could have mentioned how you actually felt. You could have explained your feelings and how I contributed to them. I loved you enough to do anything for you all you needed to do was ask, yet you never did. It's okay I'm making those changes, people in my life are noticing you will never get the chance to.
It's completely reasonable to ask you how Bo would react because they are severely autistic. In fact you asked me to send them a letter!
You never cared for me. You enabled the worst parts of me over and over and over again. After you enabled me you abandoned me. You are a coward at your core. You don't show nor display your true feelings. You think you're tough but you can't even face yourself like I am. You don't know me at all anymore and to say I've made no progress is simply a projection of where you are at and will likely remain. I genuinely hope you are able to become a better person. At this point that seems extremely unlikely. I'm putting in the hard work, you are going the opposite direction.
I did love you. I Loved the person I knew. I don't love the angry, gaslighting, resistant to change, mean spirited, low effort, loser who needs mommy or a man to take care of them. You are no longer the facade I fell in love with. I believe you are not capable of true love; you're only capable of obsessive hyper fixation which you STILL genuinely confuse with true love.
I won't be contacting you in a year because I fucking hate who you have become. You are a complete and total loser, a liar, a child groomer, someone who doesn't value themselves at all as evidence through your "work". You don't even see how problematic you are. You were handed 30K in your life time and you squandered all of it. That's fucking embarrassing! You said you wanted to get "this too shall pass" tattooed on your ass because you want to copy me and my ideas. You should instead consider a thin blue line tattoo.
I had 2 friends over recently before we went out to a concert. I put on an ashnikko song and one of my friends said "If a girl genuinely likes ashnikko she needs severe therapy. The other friend agreed. They had no idea that she's your fav and the shoe definitely fits. I believe you should get a new therapist, because the one you have is likely enabling your poor behavior just like you did to me. You're codependent and addicted to sex and you can only play victim. You don't even like people you feign interest and fawn and you somehow see no problem with this. So while you tell me I have all these problems and that I'm making no progress you are repeating your cycles over and over ad nauseum. Goodluck with all that.