We (24f, 25m) have been together for 6 years. We have no kids and both of us work high income jobs in a hcol area. We’re both salary. We split chores evenly, but I usually end up doing more.
My husbands job ranges from 40-80 hours per week depending on the season and I’m 40-50hrs per week. In May I finished my masters from an Ivy League program where I did 80-90 hour workweeks and nearly hospitalized myself since I worked full time.
His career path allows him to make more money the more years he’s at his company, but it’s a very difficult industry due to competitiveness and the long hours.
To help, I’ll do some of his chores when he falls behind. He falls behind 1-2x a week. He does dishes and taking out the trash and occasionally helps me fold laundry if I ask. I do all the cooking, vacuuming, grocery shopping, 95% of the laundry, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, and anything else.
Last night he fell behind on chores again. I strained a muscle in my back and I still did all of the laundry that he promised to help with, but didn’t do for many days. I asked for a massage to help multiple times and he said yes then didn’t do it. Throughout the night he made multiple comments about how I say “I’ll do it later” to mini action-items around the house and that it “only takes a second”, when I’m exhausted from doing more chores and working. I WANT TO RELAX TOO.
He requested that I helped move our bed. I made a disappointed face because I was in pain and lying in bed since it hurt to move and he said “You’re so fucking lazy” and laughed in my face. I didn’t say anything and went to sleep.
He had an upset stomach and I took care of him for 2hours on and off in the middle of the night. I’m exhausted and hurt by how he sees me.
What would you do?
TLDR: Husband works slightly more hours and doesn’t do chores on time, so I do more. He calls me lazy for not doing more than this.