I have a bit of a story to tell. I won't go into very much detail for privacy reasons for everyone involved. I was just thinking about it, and I wanted to write about it somewhere.
So, I've had 4 girlfriends total. And most of those relationships have started in more-or-less the same way, right? You talk for the first time, get to know each other a bit, you go on a date, you click, you become a couple. That kind of thing.
But in that early phase, at least I feel, that you're never fully yourself. I mean, I think most of us are not fully ourselves most of the time. There are social expectations. There are emotional parts of us, vulnerable parts, that we don't show to just anyone. You know, most people are not going to tell their darkest fears to the guy sitting next to them on the bus. Most of the time, most people are at least somewhat masked.
And especially on a date, I feel like, you try your best to make a good impression. You put on very nice clothes, make sure your hair is just right, you try to come across in a positive way. You know, you don't usually have a "couples fight" on a first date, even though those things are also part of who we are.
I'm not talking about lying or misrepresenting yourself, btw, I'm just saying… you try to put your best foot forward, basically, on a first date. At least I try to, and I would guess most people try to, at least to some extent.
And most of my relationships have started like that. But one didn't.
I won't go into too much detail, but there was this girl. And I met her just kind of by chance through a friend. And I initially wasn't really interested in her as more than a friend. And so when we were talking early on, I wasn't really doing that thing where I "put my best foot forward." Not that I was being an *sshole or whatever. Just, you know, also showing some of my flaws and fears and insecurities, etc. pretty openly. Talking to her about that stuff.
But later we started dating and became a couple.
And, you know, to this day I still feel like of anyone I've been with, she loved me the most for "me." With flaws and all.
Because I feel like with most relationships, they see the good side first, and then they see more of the bad sides. But with that girl, I feel like if anything she saw some of the bad side first, and she still wanted to be with me. That… means something to me.
Because that's the kind of love I want, you know? Nobody is perfect. No relationship is perfect. I'm not perfect, you're not perfect, no partner I've ever had was perfect. We all have our flaws. A good relationship isn't about finding a partner with no flaws, it's about finding a partner, seeing their flaws and loving them anyway.
To be clear, when I say "flaws" I don't mean them hitting you or something else abusive. Definitely don't put up with that. I mean, just flaws. The kind that everyone has.
Anyway, that's all I really wanted to talk about. I don't know if it was just because that was her personality, or because of a personality fit, or because of just circumstance, but I still wonder if one of the reasons I felt so seen and so loved by her kind of uniquely is that she got to know me without the normal dating stuff being first. That she saw my flaws first and wanted to be with me anyway.