I think I’m slowly falling apart, and I don’t even know what this is anymore.
26M here. I’ve been in a 7-year-long relationship with my fiancée (we’re supposed to get married soon), but things have been really rough lately. I have relocated due to work and we are in a long distance relationship. We haven’t been talking properly for the last 10-15 days. There’s been a lot of emotional distance, arguments, misunderstandings, and silence.
Ever since this phase began, I’ve not gone to work. I’ve been lying to everyone around me that I’m still attending. I don’t leave my room, I don’t talk to people, I barely shower (once in two days), and I haven’t cooked a proper meal in over a week.
I just lie in bed all day, scrolling random stuff on social media random YouTube streams, anything to keep my mind away from how hollow I feel.
I scroll mindlessly.
I sleep at 4–5 AM and wake up around 2–3 PM.
I’ve lost 2 kilos in 10 days.
I brush, maybe eat something, and go back to lying down.
I don’t even feel sad anymore. Just numb.
What’s breaking me more is that I still have hope. Every day, I keep waiting for a normal conversation with my fiancée, hoping that things will be okay again. But every time we talk, she ridicules me, saying “you haven’t done anything to make me feel loved,” or “you’re all talk, no action.” “Marrying you only because my parents trust you, not me” “There is no love left from my side” and even after all this, slightest of inconvenience and she straight away calls me. If she is sick she calls me. And once everything is okay she again goes to that ignoring phase again.
And I just sit there… trying to explain, trying to keep my tone calm, trying to not push her further away. But deep inside, it’s like I’m crumbling. I don’t know if I’m depressed, burnt out, emotionally dependent, or just overwhelmed. I don’t know what label fits me right now but I know I’m not okay.
TL;DR:
Haven’t spoken properly to my fiancée in 10-15 days. Haven’t gone to work, barely eat, sleep at 5AM, lie in bed all day binge-watching junk. Lied to everyone that I’m working. I still wait for her to talk to me normally, but every time we talk, she says I haven’t done anything to make her feel loved. I don’t feel depressed, but I’m afraid I might be. Just needed to let it out. Am I okay?
I haven’t reached out to anyone in my life about this. You’re the first.
Is this depression?
Is this just heartbreak?
Am I being weak?
I don’t know how to fix anything anymore.
Thanks for listening.