So after some advice guys, I’m 44 and seem to have lost my spark or interest.

I’m in a job I can’t say I like but Im passed the stage of caring now really, I’ve been made redundant 4 times I’m happy just to have a job at this stage but then 4 redundancies really do screw any form of career progression.

I’m married but that’s sort of fizzled out too. She works evenings and weekends and me during the day so rarely see other, my kids are all grown now, eldest 22 youngest 17, they’re busy with their own lives.

My only real interest in life is running, I am someone prone to anxiety, had it all my adult life and I find running helps keep it under control.

My parents are also older now and I feel like I’m just waiting on the day the inevitable happens, that’s something I never really worried about but kicked off in my 40’s it gives a background feeling of doom and gloom

It just feels I get up run, go to work come home sleep and repeat, weekends are also a none event really.

I guess everything just feels stale and boring or is this it? And where do all your friendships disappear too? I’ve not had a friend in years.

Any been here or offer any advice?


11 comments

  1. Well, nothing will change without some direction. Only you can decide what that will be.

    The feelings you’re feeling are natural at this age I think.

    My advice…take a look at your life and decide what kind od life you want to be living in 10 years. What do you want the day to day rhythm of life to look like? Start working towards that.

    A good book to check out is Cal Newport’s So Good They Cant Ignore You.

    His most popular vid has a bunch of gems and a good framework to approach finding direction

    https://youtu.be/0G7Wu4DnDaw?si=iEwGiOXR66j12hwZ

  3. No solution really since I‘m in a somewhat similar situation around the same age but just to let you know, you‘re not the only one. Still, I do believe that life has phases. There were times when I tried really hard to change sth and nothing happened, other times, I did nothing and stuff happened to me. Not to say that one just has to wait it out but there is only a certain degree that you can influence yourself. With your kids out of the house soonish the dynamic at home will change for example. I wish I would run daily, this is a huge achievement in my eyes. We still have decades to live, there will be better times.

  4. You are at the exact age that Carl Jung says this kind of thing happens. You are ready for Second Adulthood (true adulthood).

    Time to get to work!! Read The Middle Passage by James Hollis. https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-middle-passage-from-misery-to-meaning-in-midlife-studies-in-jungian-psychology-by-jungian-analysts_james-hollis/252339/

  5. I’d be inclined to talk to your wife and see what’s going on there. Organise some fun things to do together and see if you can start communicating (including what you’ve just said to us on Reddit btw!).

    Life got stale for me at times, and I’d often go through some shake-up activities to really change shit. I’m not saying do anything dangerous, but, just try contacting an old friend you haven’t spoken to in ages. You’d be amazed how receptive people are… most adults of a certain age are kinda waiting for someone to make the move and organise something.

    Not being funny either, but have you ever taken MDMA? It’s very often used by couples where communication has gone incredibly stale and they’re essentially just not really in a relationship with each other. My partner and I do it together every few months in our home, and it’s magic. Our communication is great anyway but we REALLY talk and communicate – and very quickly solve any niggles and issues. It’s a wonder drug, and it tends to really spark love again for couples.

  6. >My only real interest in life is running, I am someone prone to anxiety, had it all my adult life and I find running helps keep it under control.

    Running is a great start. Try getting into a 5k and see if you can improve your times. Then aim for a 10k

    Or pick up a new sport. Since you’re already a runner, soccer would probably be a good fit

    You have so much time in the world now that your kids are independent. Go try a bunch of different hobbies and see what sticks

    My personal favorites are lifting weights, racing cars, riding my bicycle, and playing badminton.

  7. First: Start dating your wife again. Do it properly. Don’t take her for granted. She gave you 2 kids.

    Second: Spend as much quality time with your parents making memories and taking photos and videos, learning about your family history etc. When their time comes you lose every opportunity.

    Third: Join a running group. Make friends that way.

    Fourth: Figure out where you want your career to go and talk about it with your manager. If they aren’t supportive that’s a cue to start brushing up any skills and start looking for another job. You are in your peak earning years and if you move 3 times in the next 10 years you can increase your earnings by 50% – 100% if you do good work.

  9. I understand where you are at because I’ve been there. Job feels meaningless, my friends all moved into the parenting crowd and my wife and I don’t have kids, my parents are aging quickly as well, I got sick and then blew up weight wise when I recovered. But something clicked!! I realized for the first time I have to work at me and my relationships. I got back in the gym, started walking at the town park everyday after work, took a demotion at work for more free time, picked up a new hobby golf, started visiting friends in other states, made time to see my parents every 4-6 weeks(they live 2 hours away), really developed myself. In 14 months I became a better husband, friend, colleague and found some joy!! It’s not all joy and often I reflect on whether I should have zigged instead zagged, but I don’t dwell! In short, get your ass moving brother. Get to the gym, take a yoga class, engage with friends or find some friends with a new hobby. You can do this. Keep running but maybe find a runners club!

  10. Get your testosterone checked.

    I literally see colours brighter now I’m balanced again after feeling like you at 36

  11. Honestly i’m pro cannabis for its medical benefits. I would suggest just getting yourself some legal cannabis sativa strain. Especially with creative, euphoric, and stress reducing/anxiety. Why so? This will open your mind, and expand your awareness of staleness state, and generate enthusiasm for something else.

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