My girlfriend says she wants her man to be dominating. SO basically whenever we have an argument, and she is screaming, yelling names, calling me robot, mr perfect, toxic, saint or what not sarcastic names during argument, sometimes she gets mean too, and my reaction is too usually shut off and tell her that I will talk later as the conversation is getting heated. She believes this is her being able to dominate me, and this is making her feel lose interest in me.
When I tell her that her actions hurt me. She says, I have to react so strongly to her actions, that she felt compelled to change her behavior, basically she was saying that I need to fight, "hold my ground", argue, when she calls me name and stuff, instead of going away and coming back later, because that shows her being able to dominate me. Today I assured her that okay I will lash out and vent too if we got into a fight later on.
I dont know what the hell is this, nor do i understand it, can someone help me understand it?
she was telling me how the relationship has become overwhelming for her, and i responded maybe you should take a break, she said, you are bored of me, i knew it. when i confront her she was like girls say stuff they do not mean when they feel hurt or something and i am too much analytical
I am also very verbally affectionate, she tells me it becomes suffocating for her. She also expressed that we both seem to be merging into ones because we talk with each other a lot, and need to give each other some space. whcih i absolutely agree on
TLDR: Girlfriend is losing attraction because I do not engage in fights, and hence she is feeling she has dominated me and losing interest. She also says we are merging into one. Her age 20, mine 19.
38 comments
It doesn’t sound like you two are compatible…
Your girlfriend is stupid. Find a new one
No, your gf is toxic as fuck. Don’t let her change you, move on. You’re not in the wrong here, she is
You are not compatible. And she’s ridiculous.
She sounds terrible. You don’t sound compatible at all, I think you should look for someone less immature
Your girlfriend is extremely dysfunctional and is ruining your relationship by incompetently trying to manipulate you. She cannot understand affection outside of being controlled, and while that’s very sad, she’s trying to spread her disease to you. You should leave her to be with someone who matches her energy somewhere far, far away. She’s right to the extent that you need to be able to stand up to her, but you should do it by breaking up with her and finding someone who doesn’t make her issues your problem.
I don’t think she knows or understands what a healthy relationship looks like- it may be time to move on
She is an immature aggressive arguer.
You are mature adult who would prefer to think things out and discuss them rationally.
You are not the problem here.
Please leave her for your sanity. She sounds truly exhausting.
A partner who needs fights to feel attraction is showing immaturity not strength. That’s not a healthy foundation.
I like dominant men. Dominant does not mean screaming over someone in arguments, that’s so toxic.
Dominant men hold the door, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, walk you to your car, tie your shoes when your hands are full… They show up for you in a calm but forward manner. It is not dominance she wants, it’s toxicity. You aren’t playing into her abusive language, and that’s a GOOD THING.
Stay a kind man who de-escalates fights, and find a partner who matches that energy.
I didn’t read past her screaming at you and name calling because you should ditch her for those reasons alone. Your partner shouldn’t be screaming at you, full stop. You’re 19, way too young & free to be locked in on a miserable relationship with someone who can’t emotionally regulate. Just focus on you, hang out with your friends, date around, and PLEASE don’t listen to a single thing out of this emotionally unstable girl’s mouth about what it means to be a man- she clearly has a lot of internalized misogyny to work through and that’s really not your problem.
As a woman in her 30s, married with kids, I’ll tell you right now that all the *happily* married women I know in healthy relationships are with nice guys who treat them with respect and would *never* raise their voice to their wife and whose wives would also never do that to them, because functional and stable adults don’t resolve arguments by yelling or name calling, especially not with people they’re supposed to love.
EDIT: and they certainly aren’t upset that their husbands aren’t being more mean while fighting with them, the goal of a partnership is to be in harmony, not having explosive arguments- that’s psychotic.
This whole “go away, come closer, you’re smothering me, I knew you didn’t want me, i need space, you’re abandoning me, I hate you, don’t leave me” shit reeks of borderline personality disorder. With some serious rage issues. She is abusive. Get out, she will not change.
I don’t advocate for this, but it sounds like your girlfriend wants a man who will beat her.
Don’t go down that line
Your girlfriend doesn’t know how to cope in a healthy relationship.
She’s learned from somewhere (probably her parents) that real love and passion involves screaming matches. Worse, she’s learned that real men, the kind of men you want to be with, dominate and bully their partners in these fights.
It’s a terrible way to view things and she needs to grow past it. Whether you want to be there for that is up to you but I would personally move on.
Run. She is asking for dual directional abuse.
It doesn’t sound like you are a good match as a couple if you have to completely change who you are for her. She is acting like a child, and wants to find a way to blame you for her abuse. You can either go lower, or keep your self respect and composure and leave her.
Her abusive behavior is her own responsibility, her inability to be an equal partner without you committing reactive abuse is her own issue.
She needs some serious therapy. Please don’t do what she says it’s not healthy at all.
She’s losing respect, you can’t get that back. She’s for the streets.
OP, you’re acting like an adult. She’s acting like a piece of crap. Find someone who appreciates you and let her get in a toxic relationship.
First and foremost, your girlfriend should not be screaming at you and name calling. Both of those are abusive and I would break up with her for those two reasons an alone.
Secondly, she wants a “dominant” man, go let her find one. She is gonna learn eventually that these “dominant” men that she wants so badly are gonna ruin her life but hey, that’s not your problem to fix.
Go find you a nice girl that respects you enough to not yell at you. Go let your current girlfriend live in her dysfunction.
She doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. She spund slime she wants an abusive dad, not a boyfriend.
You should gather your self-respect from the floor and stop dating people who scream at you and call you names. That’s not “dominating”. It’s just abuse. It’s normal to shut down and walk away from. Imagine if you had a partner who respected you enough to try to resolve problems by talking them out respectfully and returning your affection?
It’s not a boyfriend’s job to correct her immature and cruel behavior. If she wants to find a boyfriend who will put her in her place forcefully while she screams insults, she’s going to end up with a boyfriend who also hits her- because that’s the only way to forcefully control someone in that kind of situation. Shouting matches like she wants dont always end up in makeup sex like she may have seen in trashy novels. Because the kind of person willing to engage in that behavior is not a good person who has lots of self control.
It’s not ok for her to be aggressive and cruel to you for any reason. This is the kind of woman who would scream at small children all day then expect you to get home and beat them for not listening to her. And she’d attack your masculinity if you told her to stop being so mean to the kids.
Just walk away. Whatever good there is in the relationship isn’t worth it. She is trying to make you into a version of yourself you’d hate.
Your girlfriend is abusive.
I had a family friend like that, thought all decent guys were boring and she craved the drama. 3 abusive relationships later and she’s 35 and had to move back in with her parents.
It sounds like she grew up with screaming and shouting as a model for what a relationship is. It’s not normal. It’s not what most people do.
If that’s not what you want your life to be, you don’t have to put up with it, nor should you have to.
If she *really* wants to fight for your relationship, she can do it in therapy.
She is immature and toxic. Do not change yourself, so many women will appreciate someone mature and emotionally intelligent!! Change your girlfriend instead.
Your gf is probably very confused about what she wants and she’s laying all the blame on you. She’s being incredibly toxic.
It’s not your job to fix her. Tell her she’s being toxic. Ideally, break up with her.
Your girlfriend is immature and looking for a toxic relationship, and trying to make the one she has toxic by being abusive. Just dump her, you’ll be glad you did.
Oh brother. Move on. You’re way too young for this nonsense
Ew.
Why are you even dating this girl?
She is toxic. Extremely toxic. Arguing often is not a healthy relationship, and trying to “donimate” in an argument, screaming, calling names, etc, is certainly not a healthy relationship. You’d be smart to get rid of her. She’s awful
Dump her and find a partner who actually likes you
You’re acting like a responsible gentleman. Do not change yourself. She thrives in chaos.
Your girlfriend hasn’t seen how healthy relationships work. Break up with her before she turns you into an asshole.
This is abuse and you should walk away.
Your girlfriend is really mean. It’s toxic. Throw the whole relationship away and get a new girlfriend
Been there, done that. Get out of there mate.
There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy. I’m also like that. I like to take my time to answer calmly and communicate instead of lashing out. Let her find someone who also likes to fight dirty.
If you’re affectionate and she finds it overwhelming (been there, done that too), then she’s not as into you as you are into her.
It’s gonna suck for a bit, but you’ll feel much better after taking the steps to care for yourself. Good luck.
Tell her that being abusive isn’t the same as being dominant and maybe she should invest in a dictionary and some therapy.
she needs therapy
I’m guessing she didn’t experience a healthy relationship when she was a kid (parents arguing maybe?)