This is honestly a closed chapter for me.. I’ve been done with my ex for a long time. But since the relationship was really toxic, I still sometimes think about certain things and wonder how guys see it.
He was 11 years older than me, very educated, successful, and to me always attractive. We met when I was around 19/20. At that time, I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I was shy, not really wearing makeup, not styled at all. He, on the other hand, was also not “perfect” back then—he was a bit overweight, drove an old car, and didn’t have that much yet. It was never about money or status when we met.
In the beginning, he actually liked that about me. But over time, he turned into someone who cared a lot about status, appearance and how he looked to the outside world. He started focusing on his body, his style, bought a fancy car, showed off a lot, and constantly needed validation especially from women (which he obviously hid from me, while also constantly talking badly about women in general).
I often had the feeling that deep down, he wanted women who matched that status game: super styled, perfect body, highly educated, very “elite” Basically women who looked like they were “on his level”.
Meanwhile, I’ve gone my own way. I study teaching now, I’m a first-gen uni student, I’ve grown and matured. But I’ve stayed grounded, family-oriented, and simple in many ways.
Still, sometimes I wonder:
Was that the reason he never really committed to me?
Did he think I wasn’t “on his level” and secretly keep chasing women who better fit his status image?
I don’t want to downplay myself I have a good figure, I take care of myself, I’ve found my path, and I’ve matured a lot. I just turned 24, I’ve achieved things, and I know he simply wasn’t the right one for me. At the end of the day, he was kind of an asshole bc he kept hiding stuff. But the question still lingers sometimes.
Because yes, on one hand he supported me and encouraged me. He often made me feel like he thought highly of me. But on the other hand, he once told me that if he didn’t have me, he’d just have girlfriends. A family or “settling down” was never really something he wanted. I think he just wanted success, money, and women.
So do you think some men date women they’re attracted to, but don’t see them as “serious relationship material” because they’re not on the same “level”? Or am I just overthinking all of this?