The date started off normal. Talking about work, favorite foods, travel dreams etc. Then, out of nowhere, he leaned back in his chair and looked at me like he was about to solve a riddle.
“So, let me ask you something,” he said. “Would you date a guy who makes less than you?”
I answered honestly. “No.”
His smile dropped, like I’d just insulted his whole existence. “Wow. Seriously? That’s shallow. Money isn’t everything, you know.”
I calmly stirred my drink. “It’s not everything, but it matters. Compatibility isn’t just about feelings to me it’s also about lifestyle. If I work hard to provide a certain standard for myself, I want a partner who’s on the same page.”
He shook his head, clearly offended. “That’s gold digger energy right there.”
So I say. “No, gold-diggers use people for money. I have my own money . I just want a partner who can match me. There’s a difference.”
He kept insisting I was wrong for wanting what I wanted, and I just smiled, asked for bill, paid and left.
Then grabbed dessert on the way home.
18 comments
I wouldn’t call it gold digger, but it is a bit shallow. If he made 5k less, you wouldnt date them? If so, what is the limit?
I couldn’t care less what my partner made as long as they enjoyed their job and was happy.
Sounds like he already decided how he felt about you and decided to double down. Yikes
Boss move! 🎤
This is perfect. Filter out all the dusty men
Small dick energy right there
Good for you! Most men who whine about gold diggers don’t have a pot to piss in.
Just be throwing around gold digger just cos she won’t date your broke ass!
I have to know what his job is…
leave
His response was a bit aggressive, but I don’t think OP is being totally fair either.
Matching your energy I understand, but earnings aren’t always a direct result of energy. As someone who worked as an EMT for $14.50/hr, I promise my effort was unmatched compared to a desk jockey making $18/hr. I can definitely say a guy that works a job he loves for less money than you has more energy than you. I didn’t get covered in blood and vomit all those years because the money was good.
Biology says women marry up.
It’s not shallow at all. As a woman I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at and I expect the same from my partner. Like you, I need a man who’s at the same spot or better in life. I’m not looking for someone who’s decades behind where I’m at.
And guess what guys? When I was young and broke, I had guys dump me because I was broke and lived in a crappy apartment with used furniture. Was it a safe area? Yeah but it was all I could afford at 24. I’ve had several boyfriends tell me outright, “your apartments cute but it’s too small and I don’t like it ”
I worked hard to be on my own and take enormous pride in the life I’ve built for myself. Men and women want someone who’s bringing the same energy to the table.
Girl, you did the right thing. Don’t let these people you anything different.
I’m glad he showed his colors early. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Good for you OP.
I actually did try to date someone who made significantly less than me and people genuinely don’t understand how difficult it is to do that.
Even the simplest things like going to the movies or driving somewhere – every penny had to be counted to see if he could swing it.
Naturally, I offered to pay because I had no problem doing it, but I could sense he resented it because he felt coddled and emasculated. It wasn’t my intention to make him feel that way, but I didn’t see how we could go out and do anything unless I ended up paying. Our dates were limited to staying at his place and watching movies or playing video games. I liked it every once in a while – but all the time?
The same goes the other way. I tried to date a man who was much richer than me and I couldn’t do it because he had all this free time to gallivant while I had to work 40-50 hrs / week. I just didn’t have the time or the funds to keep up with him.
It’s not about gold digging. It’s just being practical.
Dodged that bullet!
I would’ve looked him dead in the eye and said, so would you date a woman who’s ugly, broke, and out of shape? Then just sit back and watch him stutter like a car that won’t start. 😂 Honestly, you’re better than me. I would’ve left his dumb-ass right there with the bill. Like, what kind of stupid nonsense is that? And I really don’t care if men call me a gold-digger. I only date men who pay for things. If that makes me a gold-digger, cool I’ll wear it.
But what if you lose your job to AI tomorrow. I was just asking because I was making 120k myself and didn’t get a new job until last year, which was significantly less at 75k. You can loose your job one day, and the guy who makes 130k could be saying I don’t date less and dump you and buy dessert when leaving and people calling this a boss move.
If guys used the same rule there wouldn’t have been a marriage in 1;000 years.