Hello! I dated this girl for around 6 months, I am 29M she is 33F. We had a pretty intense start, everything was super good and she had a lot of qualities I was looking for, she was super smart, funny, very beautiful, open minded, etc… However, there was the other side of the coin, she was extremely emotional with some causes like feminism, genocide, blm, veganism and all the other common left causes you can imagine. I am also pro most of this stuff but Im not so intensely involved. Also, she was very spiritual, and based lots of her beliefs in mushroom trips and stuff like that. For instance, she told me that if we had kids I wouldn't be able to have a say in their names because she had already dreamed about them. I thought it was a bit crazy, but at the time I was just letting a lot of stuff pass because she had other qualities.
Questions like these started to become more frequent and it started to be common for her to have huge and sudden mood swings, like from very happy and cute to very aggressive and unpleasant. I didn't think she was doing these things on purpose because I was in love with her but when I realized she had taken complete control of my life, making me walk on eggshels all the time. Here go some examples of things that happened:
– She often made disgusted faces towards me, last time because I bought a flavored yougurt that I like for my breakfast.
– She would often tell me that the things I was saying were embarassing to her;
– She told me multiple times she was ashamed of me in front of her friends;
– She would tell me often that what I was saying was not important and ignore me when I expressed my feelings;
– She would get super angry at some of my opinions and be offensive. Like when I said everybody should be able to their hair like they want (braids was the discussion). We were on a trip and she started saying that her friends would be ashamed of this comment and she wanted to return home.
– She kicked me under the table once during a dinner with a friend of her because I asked "so, what are we going to have?"
– The time when I decided it was too much, she pinched me in my back in front of her friends because I was asking one of them if his girlfriend "was the girl with the pink hair over there?". Apparently you cant refer to people by their hair color.
– Even when I was helping her at HER work, she would criticize me a lot.
At some point, also because I feel like my self esteem is not very high at the moment, I felt like the criticism was normal. But eventually it became too much and I became depressed from all of this. Stopped taking care of myself or my work and one day I ended it because I couldnt take it anymore.
Eventually I was naive to speak to her again and try to solve stuff, but she took every minute to try to convince me that it was my problem, that I needed to grow and that I "was not a high value man" enough for her.
Now, two months have passed already and she keeps posting toxic stuff about relationships that is 100% meant to be about me. Like blaming posts, all the time. It triggers me a lot, because she is all for the causes and peace and love and her community of friends aswell, they are quite woke most of them. And she keeps sending these signals, my friends read it, her friends read it, people we know in common read it and it gives the idea that I was not nice to her. I feel like I should expose some stuff she said to me, so everybody knows that her persona is fake and in a private setting she is really abusive.
What do you think I should do? Probably block everything is a good idea, but I am so sad and angry that she gets to still gaslight everybody.
TL;DR: I have been in a relationship that was rather toxic, it made me depressed and I had to end it for my own good. Now I feel like I should expose her behaviour.