Context: I, 35F, recently went on a date with a man, 32M, whom I thought I had made a genuine connection with. We met online and exchanged numbers. We had a few phone calls, and he seemed like such a kind person. We had the same taste in music, food, etc.. He proceeded to ask me when my birthday was and what I wanted to do. I mentioned I wanted to go to Disneyland, but was upset that Costco ended its promotion. He sent me a screenshot of the pricing on the day of my birthday. I told him not to even think about buying tickets, as we are both strangers.

As we were getting to know each other, I mentioned that I was finishing my bachelor's degree this year, and then it's off to nursing school next year. I mentioned this 3 times throughout our calls. He seemed to be okay with it, since he's also in school. He then asked me out to lunch and wanted me to pick out my favorite sushi restaurant. He wanted to see me that same day, and I mentioned I wasn't available, but was available the following day. He insisted on picking me up and I respectfully declined. I mentioned that for safety purposes, we can meet at the restaurant.

The next day arrived, and we both decided to meet at 3pm for happy hour. He suddenly wanted to meet me earlier than our expected time frame. That's when I started to see an impulsive, impatient side of him. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and thought he was simply excited for our date. I said I will meet him at 3pm. Once I arrived at the sushi restaurant, I waited 10 minutes for him to find parking. When he arrived, he showed up with a bouquet of red roses. I thought it was a sweet gesture and I thanked him. He mentioned he was 5'7. I'm 5'0 and he was 2 inches taller than I. We sat down in our booth, and instead of creating a comfortable atmosphere by establishing conversation, he went straight to the menu. He told me he hadn't eaten anything all day. He made a comment, "You're a lot prettier than I had anticipated." He had already seen selfies of me. I was shocked, immediately turned off, and lost attraction.

He started to make comments about the server not arriving on time. We literally had just sat down, and it was busy. We ordered our drinks, and when they arrived, he poured himself a glass first, then poured mine. I didn't think he was being a gentleman. When our food arrived, he was absolutely ill-mannered. He was such a messy eater. He was spilling soy sauce all over his dress shirt, crab stuffing was on his sleeve, and wasabi was all over his chin and mouth. I had to offer him a napkin, and he left it open on the table. It was disgusting. He blamed it on being shy. Shyness has nothing to do with restaurant etiquette. Here is where the tables turn. I asked him whether it was a dealbreaker for him that I'm going off to nursing school next year. His demeanor completely changed.

He started to glare at me and proceeded to say that I should do what is best for me. I noticed something was off when I asked if he was okay. He said he was fine. I told him that I'm very intuitive, strong in my discernment, and he doesn't need to lie to me. He started to cry. I asked him why he was crying, and he said he wouldn't have asked me out if I was leaving next year. I said I told him 3 times. He said he wasn't listening, and he apologized. When the bill came, he made a comment, "I thought it was going to be worse." Then, he complained that the first half of our date was ruined by our server. I thought our server did a great job, and he was being wildly disrespectful. I still thanked him for coming out to see me and for his hospitality.

As we were walking to the parking garage, he was being cold with me. I stopped him in the middle of walking and asked if he was okay. He said, "I still don't believe you told me." I said I mentioned it 3 times. He, again, said he wasn't listening. He then gave me my flowers and walked away. No handshake, no nice meeting you. I didn't want the flowers, so I gave them to a nice man instead. What are your thoughts? Do you think he was mentally disturbed?


27 comments

  2. Yikes. Feel bad for the dude but yea too many red flags, he needs to sort himself out first. Normally I’m skeptical when women jump immediately to “he needs therapy” but in this case, he does lol.

  12. Why is online dating so challenging? It’s bad enough when they lie about their height but when they are crappy people too? Why can’t we be adults who are kind and decent? I’m sorry you had such a crap experience. That is horrible.

  14. This guy sounds like a mess, but some of your criticisms are so entitled, e.g. he poured his glass first then yours. He still poured your glass for you. And saying “I thought it was going to be worse” about the bill, yes not the smoothest comment, however he still paid for your meal. Is he supposed to also be completely price insensitive?

    That being said, he’s definitely not in a good place mentally and not at all ready to date. I would also be mortified if my date started crying in front of me.

  15. Probably. Honestly who cares it was a first date. And with online dating you have to stay vigilant with who you agree to go out with. There’s a lot of weirdos on the apps if not most.

  19. This is why even phone calls don’t really help screen out bad dates. But they do screen out some! You did your best. Sorry OP. I hope this is your worst first date ever and you never have to go on something quite as bad again.

  21. > he poured himself a glass first, then poured mine

    Well, everything else about him was just perfect, solid and amazing, this bit however kind of threw me off!

  22. A lot of guys like the idea of a woman, of a date, or of a relationship. It can be any woman, that’s why he wasn’t listening, because it could have been any woman.

  24. I’m sorry if this comes off kinda shitty, but did this actually happen or have people had similar experiences? I had an ex in highschool that couldn’t seem to remember deodorant and couldn’t take a dish to the sink, but she never was illmannered while eating.

    I’ve never seen anyone like that tbh. Neither man or woman. Only exception was a blind guy I used to take care of, but he was blind with mild autism, so I don’t count him.

    I know people are rude, but messy like that? Hell nah

  26. Well that’s not what I was expecting as an ending. But yeah some clear signs to stay away from. He needs to figure himself out, he wasn’t fully there

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