It seems so taboo to talk about. And sort of pointless in some ways, as you cannot undo the choice. So, anonymously, how prevalent is regretting having kids?
44 comments
Pretty prevalent
Have you been around larges crowds of kids and parents?
You can tell so many didnt want them kids lol
I love the hell out of my kids. There is no greater legacy to leave. I regret the hell out of the partner that I chose đ
I canât imagine not having kids but that doesnât mean that I donât wonder what it would be like or wish at times that I didnât. I think everyone does to a point. But thatâs one item that canât be returned
I do NOT regret NOT having kids =P
I love having my kid, wouldnât change it for the world.
Once in a while I miss the freedom of not having one, but itâs rare.
Seems far more common now in the last 20 years of mass social media, where groups form to bond over shared ideas. Anti-children, and parents who regret having children, have some overlap and you can find big subreddits here that are focused on them. Twitter (pre-Elon) used to be big on sharing these regret stories too in the 2010s.
I think having kids has a shorter regret period than not having them. Sure you got those days and weeks of “holy fuck I just want time to myself back” but when your kids grown up and you are staring and the back end of your life I think “I wish I had kids” hits way harder.
I donât regret it in the slightest. There is no feeling like that when my daughter runs up and gives me a hug, or watching her grow or learn something new, or proud I am of her accomplishment after trying for a long time. Itâs just this feeling that I never knew you could have before having kids. Like trying to explain love to someone that has never experienced it. They just donât know the purpose and fulfillment you get from it if you never had it.
It’s rough cause like once they exist it’s hard to imagine a life with out them but that doesn’t mean I would be unhappy if I had never had them just that it’s impossible for me to want to rewind time and not have them and be happy if that makes sense
The amount of buy in you get after you become a parent is unreal. Even if part of my brain starts going down that path it gets wrecked by so many other neural pathways. I donât sleep much, I love being a dad. I miss my hobbies, I love seeing my kids. My marriage is under a huge strain being parents, we will build an amazing family and our marriage will be stronger in the end
r/regretfulparents should give you a very good glimpse to it. It’s a very taboo topic so a lot of people won’t openly discuss it
All my close friends have kids and theyâre pretty candid – they all love it and none of them seem to regret it. What they do say is itâs extortionate, and very tiring. They also say that itâs boring when theyâre too young to interact with you, but once they grow out of that itâs great.
Because you’re asking the question, I’m just going to point out that you’re probably not as good at pulling out as you think you are.
I think it comes down to character.
Selfish, unmotivated or narcissistic people might regret it but I think those people will generally struggle with their career and relationships as well.
The kids share your DNA, mitochondria, microflora, culture and name… Hating them is akin to self hatred, shame and degradation of legacy.
They’re not always convenient or cooperative but their flaws are usually the failings of the parents (even if the parents were really good and tried). Theres just so much that goes into it that it’s easy and likely to miss some stuff.
I don’t regret it even 0.1%. I love them so much
Never regretted it for a moment. Plus thereâs a wonderful special bonus at the end called grandchildren.Â
I regret having a child with the wrong person. Its made me not want any more children.
I love being a father so much. It is a completely unalloyed good in my life. It is a sort of death of the non-parent version of myself. You have to practice some mental discipline if/when your mind wants to wander back to some pre-kid time. Got to focus on the good at hand instead of the good that was. But itâs not that hard because kids just fill up almost everything with joy.
10/10 recommend.
I always say that I’m fortunate that I don’t have any regrets for the things I’ve done, I just have regrets for things I DIDN”T do.
I never had kids and there is some regret there. But I do take solace in the fact that I wasn’t ready to have children. I had money issues, maturity issues and serious health issues. The health issues helped contribute to the money and even the maturity issues. And while I wish things were different, I take solace that I didn’t bring a child into this world when I was not ready to be a good father with the right wife to raise the child.
Since the age of 8 I knew I didnât want kids. Never felt bad about. Plus I donât want the mess my dna and mental state passed to them. That would be irresponsible on my part. I couldnât put anybody through that.
Every couple I know with kids around my age either openly, or after a few drinks, will say some version of âwe regret having kidsâ.
Not very prevalant. Regretting the partner is a different story.
Also, it’s a lot of single people looking at parents being miserable assuming that they regret kids. Parenthood can be miserable, but a lot of my happiest times with my kids have been in private.
I haven’t heard anyone say it outside of the internet, but I’m sure it exists to some degree.
For me, no regrets. Being a dad is easily the best thing I’ll ever do
Hard to tell because of how taboo the topic is, but it is underreported. Iâve had a few drunken chats and âtaxicab confessionsâ from Dads who regretted being parents (despite loving their kids).
Thereâs some change in certain online spaces like r/regretfulparents where thereâs more candor about the downsides of parenthood.
Depends. I just this week had my first, knew for a fact I would have regretted not doing it and so far itâs been amazing. Itâs the path I chose though.
Many more people Iâve talked to about that are mixed though. On a barstool once I had a guy break down crying next to me because he was 45 and his wife was past the point where they could reasonably go for it. Said that his whole life he had told himself it would never bug him one bit, but when he actually achieved financial success he had always worried about, he just wanted a successor that was his own.
Iâve also talked to bachelors that have not regretted it one bit that got snipped at like 29, spent all of their money on themselves and have had a blast. I live a little vicariously through them, but they also had financial success. A handful are also on their second wives by 35 too though and that was part of the calculus. Not all though.
In my experience dealing with fellas older than 30 that are past the reasonable point of being able to pursue it, Iâd say maybe 50:50 if that conversation ever even came up. Reality is though that itâs not a topic that gets brought up very often to get a good cross section.
I feel like it’s such a huge life change, a lot of people go through it.
I have a 6 and 4 year old and I’ve gone through many waves of regret and pure bliss about having kids. It’s the best but hardest thing I’ve ever done
I donât have kids and I regret nothing!
If u aren’t willing to put them first at least a fair bit of the time, u probably shouldn’t have them
Real regret is not that common. Wondering what life would be like, fantasizing about how much money or time youâd have, thinking about the grass being greener is all super common. Even wondering if youâve done the right thing and having doubts is common, especially in the early years. But not real, lasting, unshakeable regret.
Having or not having kids is probably the most defining choice one will make (or have life making for them). In either case, people will be missing out on something so regret is just normal. I know my parents both regretted their choice and they didn’t, and that’s normal.
How many kids were accidents?
Probably every time I have to get them ready to leave the house.
I would rather regret not having kids than having kids. So I have chosen to not have kids. Regretting having kids fucks up your life and theirs. Regretting not having kids only makes you feel bad. The calculus is pretty simple. If you’re unsure, don’t
It’s not
As someone who never has had a desire to have kids, this topic fascinates me.
I love my children more than anything else in this world so ….. I can’t relate at all. I honestly haven’t heard of many people truly regretting having children.
A lot of people might miss the old lifestyles they used to live. That’s a lot better then continuing to live those that pre parent life style even after you have a child. So in other words, better than the people who pawn the kids off on anyone and everyone they can so that they can go live the life they want to live.
I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than be with my girls. Getting them up for school, seeing them off at the bus stop, being right there waiting when they get home… homework, dinner, playing at the park, bath time and reading to them at night. I wouldn’t do a thing differently if it were simply a freedom of choice.
I’ve had at least 2 close friends say they wish they had my life (no kids) when we’ve been drinking.
I’ve never heard anyone say they regret not having kids except people who were biologically unable to (choice seems to matter).
It’s not that I don’t regret having mine, it’s just that 18 years ago, if I knew how awful the world would become as they enter adulthood, I would not have had them. I feel absolute shit every day that my kids at 18 can’t be afforded the same luxuries I had at 18, Everything is so expensive, wages have never been lower in my lifetime, the climate is out of control and the world is so fucked. I would never want to bring kids in to this.
The parents canât admit it to themselves but regret it? 50%
For me, itâs obvious more than 50% regret having kids but this number is going down as they grow older and donât suffer the burden of having them.
By then, the kids are the one suffering
After having kids, the one thing I tell everyone is this.
Having kids absolutely fucks up your life, but in the best possible way.
Itâs like you were riding a bike, and then a tornado comes and fucks you and your bike up, but when you wake up the tornado tore apart your bike and turned it into a spaceship.
I wouldnât trade it for anything, and if we could afford it, I would have more. But man! Do they really get in the way of whatever life or plans you had before đ
Also, having young children with minimal help outside of your spouse, absolutely puts tension on your marriage. Trust me, still in the thick of that but it has gotten better as my kids are getting a little older and weâre learning to have a little more grace with each other and understanding the situation caring for young children mostly alone creates.
I love my kids and I’d never want to experience life without them, but I’d be lying if I said that life wouldn’t be much easier without them.
Many people that regret having kids will convince themselves that it was a good thing, in order to deal with the fact it was a 20+ year commitment they made.
This isnt a topic that many parents will be honest about. Society doesnt let you be honest about it, without casting you as a monster. âThe kids were terrible today⊠but i still love my kids!!!â
Had a colleague of mine in his late 30s tell me he regretted having his two kids over dinner. Heâs a good friend now but was very upfront that he loves his kids but wishes he never had kids.
Most of my friends who have kids are in the 0-2 age group. They look like shit and are coping about being happy imo. I am NOT envious of their lives.
I’ve had plenty of people quietly admit that they regret having kids
Lot’s of them say that they love their kids, but if they had a second go at life, they wouldn’t have had them
A few have been honest enough to say that they don’t like their kids
I’ve seen lives ruined by people having kids because “that’s what you do” rather than actually thinking about it properly first.
44 comments
Pretty prevalent
Have you been around larges crowds of kids and parents?
You can tell so many didnt want them kids lol
I love the hell out of my kids. There is no greater legacy to leave. I regret the hell out of the partner that I chose đ
I canât imagine not having kids but that doesnât mean that I donât wonder what it would be like or wish at times that I didnât. I think everyone does to a point. But thatâs one item that canât be returned
I do NOT regret NOT having kids =P
I love having my kid, wouldnât change it for the world.
Once in a while I miss the freedom of not having one, but itâs rare.
Seems far more common now in the last 20 years of mass social media, where groups form to bond over shared ideas. Anti-children, and parents who regret having children, have some overlap and you can find big subreddits here that are focused on them. Twitter (pre-Elon) used to be big on sharing these regret stories too in the 2010s.
I think having kids has a shorter regret period than not having them. Sure you got those days and weeks of “holy fuck I just want time to myself back” but when your kids grown up and you are staring and the back end of your life I think “I wish I had kids” hits way harder.
I donât regret it in the slightest. There is no feeling like that when my daughter runs up and gives me a hug, or watching her grow or learn something new, or proud I am of her accomplishment after trying for a long time. Itâs just this feeling that I never knew you could have before having kids. Like trying to explain love to someone that has never experienced it. They just donât know the purpose and fulfillment you get from it if you never had it.
It’s rough cause like once they exist it’s hard to imagine a life with out them but that doesn’t mean I would be unhappy if I had never had them just that it’s impossible for me to want to rewind time and not have them and be happy if that makes sense
The amount of buy in you get after you become a parent is unreal. Even if part of my brain starts going down that path it gets wrecked by so many other neural pathways. I donât sleep much, I love being a dad. I miss my hobbies, I love seeing my kids. My marriage is under a huge strain being parents, we will build an amazing family and our marriage will be stronger in the end
r/regretfulparents should give you a very good glimpse to it. It’s a very taboo topic so a lot of people won’t openly discuss it
All my close friends have kids and theyâre pretty candid – they all love it and none of them seem to regret it. What they do say is itâs extortionate, and very tiring. They also say that itâs boring when theyâre too young to interact with you, but once they grow out of that itâs great.
Because you’re asking the question, I’m just going to point out that you’re probably not as good at pulling out as you think you are.
I think it comes down to character.
Selfish, unmotivated or narcissistic people might regret it but I think those people will generally struggle with their career and relationships as well.
The kids share your DNA, mitochondria, microflora, culture and name… Hating them is akin to self hatred, shame and degradation of legacy.
They’re not always convenient or cooperative but their flaws are usually the failings of the parents (even if the parents were really good and tried). Theres just so much that goes into it that it’s easy and likely to miss some stuff.
I don’t regret it even 0.1%. I love them so much
Never regretted it for a moment. Plus thereâs a wonderful special bonus at the end called grandchildren.Â
I regret having a child with the wrong person. Its made me not want any more children.
I love being a father so much. It is a completely unalloyed good in my life. It is a sort of death of the non-parent version of myself. You have to practice some mental discipline if/when your mind wants to wander back to some pre-kid time. Got to focus on the good at hand instead of the good that was. But itâs not that hard because kids just fill up almost everything with joy.
10/10 recommend.
I always say that I’m fortunate that I don’t have any regrets for the things I’ve done, I just have regrets for things I DIDN”T do.
I never had kids and there is some regret there. But I do take solace in the fact that I wasn’t ready to have children. I had money issues, maturity issues and serious health issues. The health issues helped contribute to the money and even the maturity issues. And while I wish things were different, I take solace that I didn’t bring a child into this world when I was not ready to be a good father with the right wife to raise the child.
Since the age of 8 I knew I didnât want kids. Never felt bad about. Plus I donât want the mess my dna and mental state passed to them. That would be irresponsible on my part. I couldnât put anybody through that.
Every couple I know with kids around my age either openly, or after a few drinks, will say some version of âwe regret having kidsâ.
Not very prevalant. Regretting the partner is a different story.
Also, it’s a lot of single people looking at parents being miserable assuming that they regret kids. Parenthood can be miserable, but a lot of my happiest times with my kids have been in private.
I haven’t heard anyone say it outside of the internet, but I’m sure it exists to some degree.
For me, no regrets. Being a dad is easily the best thing I’ll ever do
Hard to tell because of how taboo the topic is, but it is underreported. Iâve had a few drunken chats and âtaxicab confessionsâ from Dads who regretted being parents (despite loving their kids).
Thereâs some change in certain online spaces like r/regretfulparents where thereâs more candor about the downsides of parenthood.
Depends. I just this week had my first, knew for a fact I would have regretted not doing it and so far itâs been amazing. Itâs the path I chose though.
Many more people Iâve talked to about that are mixed though. On a barstool once I had a guy break down crying next to me because he was 45 and his wife was past the point where they could reasonably go for it. Said that his whole life he had told himself it would never bug him one bit, but when he actually achieved financial success he had always worried about, he just wanted a successor that was his own.
Iâve also talked to bachelors that have not regretted it one bit that got snipped at like 29, spent all of their money on themselves and have had a blast. I live a little vicariously through them, but they also had financial success. A handful are also on their second wives by 35 too though and that was part of the calculus. Not all though.
In my experience dealing with fellas older than 30 that are past the reasonable point of being able to pursue it, Iâd say maybe 50:50 if that conversation ever even came up. Reality is though that itâs not a topic that gets brought up very often to get a good cross section.
I feel like it’s such a huge life change, a lot of people go through it.
I have a 6 and 4 year old and I’ve gone through many waves of regret and pure bliss about having kids. It’s the best but hardest thing I’ve ever done
I donât have kids and I regret nothing!
If u aren’t willing to put them first at least a fair bit of the time, u probably shouldn’t have them
Real regret is not that common. Wondering what life would be like, fantasizing about how much money or time youâd have, thinking about the grass being greener is all super common. Even wondering if youâve done the right thing and having doubts is common, especially in the early years. But not real, lasting, unshakeable regret.
Having or not having kids is probably the most defining choice one will make (or have life making for them). In either case, people will be missing out on something so regret is just normal. I know my parents both regretted their choice and they didn’t, and that’s normal.
How many kids were accidents?
Probably every time I have to get them ready to leave the house.
I would rather regret not having kids than having kids. So I have chosen to not have kids. Regretting having kids fucks up your life and theirs. Regretting not having kids only makes you feel bad. The calculus is pretty simple. If you’re unsure, don’t
It’s not
As someone who never has had a desire to have kids, this topic fascinates me.
I love my children more than anything else in this world so ….. I can’t relate at all. I honestly haven’t heard of many people truly regretting having children.
A lot of people might miss the old lifestyles they used to live. That’s a lot better then continuing to live those that pre parent life style even after you have a child. So in other words, better than the people who pawn the kids off on anyone and everyone they can so that they can go live the life they want to live.
I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than be with my girls. Getting them up for school, seeing them off at the bus stop, being right there waiting when they get home… homework, dinner, playing at the park, bath time and reading to them at night. I wouldn’t do a thing differently if it were simply a freedom of choice.
I’ve had at least 2 close friends say they wish they had my life (no kids) when we’ve been drinking.
I’ve never heard anyone say they regret not having kids except people who were biologically unable to (choice seems to matter).
It’s not that I don’t regret having mine, it’s just that 18 years ago, if I knew how awful the world would become as they enter adulthood, I would not have had them. I feel absolute shit every day that my kids at 18 can’t be afforded the same luxuries I had at 18, Everything is so expensive, wages have never been lower in my lifetime, the climate is out of control and the world is so fucked. I would never want to bring kids in to this.
DĂ©pends.
Saying it out loud? Maybe 5%
The parents acknowledge their regrets? 10%
The parents canât admit it to themselves but regret it? 50%
For me, itâs obvious more than 50% regret having kids but this number is going down as they grow older and donât suffer the burden of having them.
By then, the kids are the one suffering
After having kids, the one thing I tell everyone is this.
Having kids absolutely fucks up your life, but in the best possible way.
Itâs like you were riding a bike, and then a tornado comes and fucks you and your bike up, but when you wake up the tornado tore apart your bike and turned it into a spaceship.
I wouldnât trade it for anything, and if we could afford it, I would have more. But man! Do they really get in the way of whatever life or plans you had before đ
Also, having young children with minimal help outside of your spouse, absolutely puts tension on your marriage. Trust me, still in the thick of that but it has gotten better as my kids are getting a little older and weâre learning to have a little more grace with each other and understanding the situation caring for young children mostly alone creates.
I love my kids and I’d never want to experience life without them, but I’d be lying if I said that life wouldn’t be much easier without them.
Many people that regret having kids will convince themselves that it was a good thing, in order to deal with the fact it was a 20+ year commitment they made.
This isnt a topic that many parents will be honest about. Society doesnt let you be honest about it, without casting you as a monster. âThe kids were terrible today⊠but i still love my kids!!!â
Had a colleague of mine in his late 30s tell me he regretted having his two kids over dinner. Heâs a good friend now but was very upfront that he loves his kids but wishes he never had kids.
Most of my friends who have kids are in the 0-2 age group. They look like shit and are coping about being happy imo. I am NOT envious of their lives.
I’ve had plenty of people quietly admit that they regret having kids
Lot’s of them say that they love their kids, but if they had a second go at life, they wouldn’t have had them
A few have been honest enough to say that they don’t like their kids
I’ve seen lives ruined by people having kids because “that’s what you do” rather than actually thinking about it properly first.