Jokes get no response, compliments get no response, standard greetings get no response. I'm not a great digital conversationalist like most people my age, I'm a lot better at talking to people in person but goddamn I can't even get my foot in the door.
I've tried everything. "Hey how's your day going" – nothing. "That hiking photo looks amazing, where was it taken" – nothing. Even tried some of those AI opener generators but they all sound so generic and fake.
Last week I matched with this girl who had all these cool travel photos and I spent like 10 minutes crafting what I thought was the perfect message about her trip to Japan. Read, no response. Then I see the same girl active on the app later that day. It's so frustrating.
Is it just a numbers game? Do most people just ignore like 90% of their matches? I feel like I'm shouting into the void here. What actually works for you guys?
21 comments
The girls probably has 100s if not more messages.
Yes, people do ignore 90% of their matches (I do anyway). I don’t tend to reply to hi or how’s your day. The messages I am most likely to reply to are simple messages regarding something from my bio. “what do you collect” “who’s your favorite soccer team”. Anything but small talk.
Girls get a ton of messages so you gotta start on your profile first. Do you have good photos of yourself that are recent-ish? Tbh I do think it’s a numbers game. You kind of just have to get lucky sometimes. I’ve been on Hinge since July and have only gotten 1 match that ended in them unmatching me lol But I have had success in the past.
Best thing to do is ask a question about something specific on their profile. If they mention loving animals, ask about pets. If they’re excited about their career, ask how they got into it. Cool photo? Ask about the story behind it.
Don’t use those AI opener tools. They make everyone sound the same and girls can tell. You could try something like Chatvisor. It has roleplay-style conversation sims so you can practice and build confidence. Focus on sounding natural. When you message for real, it has to be you.
The truth is most matches won’t respond no matter what you send. That’s just how these apps work. Focus on quality over quantity and don’t take it personally when someone doesn’t reply. Sometimes they’re just not active or already talking to someone else. Obviously doesn’t always work but that’s how I’ve gotten the best responses.
Some of your prompts are solid, but make them a bit more “fun”
Instead of “Wow that hiking spot looks amazing. Where was the photo taken?” (Or whatever you had there, reddit won’t let me view the post typing this)
I’d say “Holy shit that view is insane, where’s this?”
I always do something along those lines to scenic pictures since I’m big on scenery and hikes, and I get responses pretty frequently.
But in general, some sort of comment or question about what they posted with a playful sound to it.
If they literally just have selfies of themselves at bars or in bathrooms, I just don’t swipe tbh. I’m not gonna study all of those photos to think of something to say, only for them to be as bland as their photos
Something like “hi, I really have no idea how to talk through here. But I liked your profile a lot. Now tell me about [topic], please”
It’s not about magical words or finding the exact formula to get people to like you like a sociopath would do. More like “me Tarzan, you Jane”. If you like each other, that’s it, it’s happening.
It’s possible she just hasn’t gotten down to yours yet, or forgot she liked your profile.
Women tend to get much more attention on apps, sometimes so much attention she couldn’t hope to reply to all of her messages. My last match that converted to a date had 99+ under the likes tab (she showed me, I was curious) and was pretty average looking at best with so-so quality photos compared to other profiles I’m served to swipe on, while I’ve topped out at 14 likes over the past 5 months… my profile is very much a WIP so I’m not one to talk, but still I think the point stands.
Perseverance is the best strategy for men on dating apps, imo.
Send a picture of a lotto ticket.
And say “ummm… I think I just won the lotto”
When they say “those aren’t the winning numbers.”
You respond “I wasn’t talking about the numbers”.
1) icebreaker pick-up line
2) conversation has started
Personally not my style, but if I was younger and more trying to stand out on a dating app I’d probably try something like that because it’s fun/funny
Women usually get a lot of matches so we are a bit selective. I do reply to messages like “ I would love to get to know you “ .. but also depends on your profile and what the girl is looking for. I preferably go for nerds 😅 cause I feel they are the most interesting type. Wish you the best OP!
The best advice I would give you is don’t give up hope:)
You are swiping on the popular girls which is your first mistake. Stop trying to talk to the pretty ones, they have tons of options .
First off you have to not take it personally when a woman doesn’t respond. She has dozens and dozens of matches already probably, then she’s only hyper-focused on a couple of those anyways.
Secondly, if a woman is genuinely interested in you or your profile she’ll respond. It won’t matter what your opener is or the content of the message. I’ve even had direct flirtatious messages responded to because she was already interested.
I always say one of the followings:
1) what made you swipe right?
2) greetings, stranger…
3) Hello, good sir….
It IS just a numbers game. Women are bombarded with messages on dating apps. Unless you’re hot as a smoking cast iron skillet, you have little to no chance.
You are not broken, you are just blending in with every other guy on the app. Generic openers, compliments, and “how’s your day” lines all get ignored because women see them 100 times a day. It is not that you are boring in real life, it is that your messages look like wallpaper online.
What works better is showing intent and sparking emotion. Instead of validating her photos, flip the frame. If she has a hiking picture, don’t ask where it was taken, tell her “you look like the type that drags friends up mountains and then complains when they’re slow.” That creates playful tension and makes you stand out. Women respond when they feel something amusement, curiosity, even a little challenge.
The truth is most of this comes down to reps and learning how to create spark on command. In person you already know how to vibe, you just need to sharpen that same skill online. That is exactly why I used the SPIL app on iOS, because it gave me practice reps for opening, teasing, and steering conversations without overthinking. After a while, you stop sounding like every other guy and start messaging in a way that actually hooks her attention.
If you keep treating it like a numbers game, you will just burn out. Treat it like a skill game. Once you learn how to spark emotion, one good message can flip the whole dynamic in your favor.
Honestly, I wouldn’t even recommend sending messages about stuff on their profile. I will really only answer questions I want to answer . Something, not weird, but not common. Is cake and ice cream two separate deserts, or one? One time a guy I accidentally swiped right on asked me an interesting question, and even though I wasn’t originally interested in him, I responded because I wanted to. A question that could lead to a conversation that doesn’t feel forced, and also makes me feel like it would be a whole conversation. Half the time when you do respond to people who just say hello, make comments about your appearance, or profile, that’s as far as they have thought about it, and then the rest of the conversation feels like it falls on you to keep it going. It’s boring and awkward.
Say something like “im spaghetti wanna meet my balls”, that’ll get you a response…or get you blocked. Nvm don’t do that 🥴
It’s absolutely a numbers game. Even if you come up with a top tier conversation starter, it may be ignored.
The safest bet is to just reference something in their profile with interest.
BTW, never use “hey how’s your day going”.
It’s not you, it’s them.
Bro girls are on dating apps just for male validation and to feel wanted. Just click right over and over waste no time trying to be a normal human being be as fake as you can and lie over and over they love that.
Typically I respond to the written parts of their profiles rather than their photos. It shows them that you did take the time to read it and think about it.
Those profiles that don’t have any written sections – I don’t care if they look like Salma Hayek in the 1990s, they’re getting a left-swipe. They’re not looking for a partner; they’re just using the dating apps as a self-validating version of Candy Crush.
Asking her where the picture was taken comes across like you’re looking for travel recommendations. Anything that could seem like you’re assigning her a task is not a great opener. You’re talking about the view, but you’re not talking about her or her interests. Instead of talking about the scenery, talk about the person who you actually want to talk to.
Edit to add: If you don’t like doing the resume comparisons type of conversation then don’t start that type of conversation.