Many say you should always text back immediately. Do you ever ignore that rule, and how has it affected your friendships?
16 comments
I avoid people who expect me to text back immediately. Everyone is busy and not glued to their phone.
[removed]
>What unwritten rule in friendship do you ignore ?
That you have to match energy.
I have some friends who need more from me than I need from them. I don’t think of them as lesser friends just because they can’t give as much.
I’m just up front with my friends, they know I’m busy or not in the headspace to keep on top of my messages and that when I can, I will, and that I still love them. I think honesty up front works best with these things, set expectations do you don’t set yourself up to feel pressure and like you’re failing.
In a world where you’re expected to be reachable 24/7 I think it’s good to be able to pace yourself.
My friends have busy lives too and I never expect immediate or even same day replies
Accessible doesn’t mean available. People can text me all they want, I’ll reply when I feel like it/have the time/capacity. This isn’t high school.
I probably ignore most unwritten rules in any given setting. I’m pretty sure “be kind, be respectful, and be considerate/compassionate” covers all bases for most interactions.
I didn’t know there were unwritten rules in friendship
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I tend to not follow the new rules that have been born from the misuse of therapy language.
So sometimes I do things I don’t feel like. I very rarely cancel and I firmly believe that inconvenience is the price of close friendship.
I have a friend where I always have to make the plans and if I don’t, we won’t see each other. She’s bad at these kinds of things and that she appreciates me making the plans, even though the planning is one-sided.
I only keep friends who respect my boundaries that means I’ll call back and text back when I’m able to and I expect that they will do the same. I think it’s really toxic if your friends think they have access to you 24/7.
Probably a lot of them, seeing as I don’t know what those unwritten rules are.
I would NOT cut out opposite sex friends when I’m dating, and do not expect the same from my male friends. (I’m straight) I’ve sadly lost best friends on this basis.
Matching energy.
Sometimes my friends friends don’t have the energy. I compensate. And they compensate when I have no energy for it.
I don’t text back at all unless it’s a simple yes or no to confirm plans or something. If someone wants to talk to me they can call me; If it’s not important enough for a call then it can wait until the next time we hang out.
I have a huge social circle so it works just fine for me, I just don’t make close friends with people who mainly communicate by texting and/or doesn’t like when people/I don’t reply. My best friend texts me memes and other dumb shit basically every day and we both enjoy it, he’s well aware that I never reply and just doesn’t care.
I’ve also noticed that people’s expectations in terms of emotional support has changed *a lot* the last few years or so, and that’s not something I’m on board with. I’m happy to take someone out for drinks and be the clown that distracts them from whatever bothers them, but I’m not going to sit and listen to every single worry and complaint they have every single time something mildly negative happens to them. But again, it’s not a matter of right or wrong, just choosing friends you’re compatible with.
Texting back immediately is not an expectation among any of my friends. Maybe this is age related? I’m 45. We’re all adults with a lot of obligations. No one needs to be in constant communication. The expectation of my friends is to be available when needed
I definitely used to struggle with initiating conversations but I’ve tried to improve on it ever since one of my close friends pointed it out. Trying to check in more regularly with people I love, without the fear of seeming intrusive. Also, now I have conversations surrounding their needs, without me assuming. I realised that it was them more in it than me, most of the time. I am presenting myself to them, the way they prefer. It doesn’t bother me going that extra mile out of my comfort zone anymore, I want them to feel good. This doesn’t stop me from expressing how I feel either. I try to just send a text saying I’m thinking of them but am a little busy right now. Someone did that for me once, I realised how effective it was as it removed any room for overthinking on my end.
16 comments
I avoid people who expect me to text back immediately. Everyone is busy and not glued to their phone.
[removed]
>What unwritten rule in friendship do you ignore ?
That you have to match energy.
I have some friends who need more from me than I need from them. I don’t think of them as lesser friends just because they can’t give as much.
I’m just up front with my friends, they know I’m busy or not in the headspace to keep on top of my messages and that when I can, I will, and that I still love them. I think honesty up front works best with these things, set expectations do you don’t set yourself up to feel pressure and like you’re failing.
In a world where you’re expected to be reachable 24/7 I think it’s good to be able to pace yourself.
My friends have busy lives too and I never expect immediate or even same day replies
Accessible doesn’t mean available. People can text me all they want, I’ll reply when I feel like it/have the time/capacity. This isn’t high school.
I probably ignore most unwritten rules in any given setting. I’m pretty sure “be kind, be respectful, and be considerate/compassionate” covers all bases for most interactions.
I didn’t know there were unwritten rules in friendship
[removed]
I tend to not follow the new rules that have been born from the misuse of therapy language.
So sometimes I do things I don’t feel like. I very rarely cancel and I firmly believe that inconvenience is the price of close friendship.
I have a friend where I always have to make the plans and if I don’t, we won’t see each other. She’s bad at these kinds of things and that she appreciates me making the plans, even though the planning is one-sided.
I only keep friends who respect my boundaries that means I’ll call back and text back when I’m able to and I expect that they will do the same. I think it’s really toxic if your friends think they have access to you 24/7.
Probably a lot of them, seeing as I don’t know what those unwritten rules are.
I would NOT cut out opposite sex friends when I’m dating, and do not expect the same from my male friends. (I’m straight) I’ve sadly lost best friends on this basis.
Matching energy.
Sometimes my friends friends don’t have the energy. I compensate. And they compensate when I have no energy for it.
I don’t text back at all unless it’s a simple yes or no to confirm plans or something. If someone wants to talk to me they can call me; If it’s not important enough for a call then it can wait until the next time we hang out.
I have a huge social circle so it works just fine for me, I just don’t make close friends with people who mainly communicate by texting and/or doesn’t like when people/I don’t reply. My best friend texts me memes and other dumb shit basically every day and we both enjoy it, he’s well aware that I never reply and just doesn’t care.
I’ve also noticed that people’s expectations in terms of emotional support has changed *a lot* the last few years or so, and that’s not something I’m on board with. I’m happy to take someone out for drinks and be the clown that distracts them from whatever bothers them, but I’m not going to sit and listen to every single worry and complaint they have every single time something mildly negative happens to them. But again, it’s not a matter of right or wrong, just choosing friends you’re compatible with.
Texting back immediately is not an expectation among any of my friends. Maybe this is age related? I’m 45. We’re all adults with a lot of obligations. No one needs to be in constant communication. The expectation of my friends is to be available when needed
I definitely used to struggle with initiating conversations but I’ve tried to improve on it ever since one of my close friends pointed it out. Trying to check in more regularly with people I love, without the fear of seeming intrusive. Also, now I have conversations surrounding their needs, without me assuming. I realised that it was them more in it than me, most of the time. I am presenting myself to them, the way they prefer. It doesn’t bother me going that extra mile out of my comfort zone anymore, I want them to feel good. This doesn’t stop me from expressing how I feel either. I try to just send a text saying I’m thinking of them but am a little busy right now. Someone did that for me once, I realised how effective it was as it removed any room for overthinking on my end.