Hi everyone, I (41F) matched with a guy (35M) on Tinder. For two weeks we were texting and sending voice notes every day — the chemistry felt off the charts. I was the one who finally suggested meeting up because he never did. (I told him during the date that this frustrated me, and he apologized, saying he just assumed it would happen. Honestly, he’s not great at making concrete plans — I even had to take a train to his city not knowing until the last minute if he’d pick me up or if I was supposed to head somewhere else.)
Anyway, we met on Saturday and it was probably one of the best dates I’ve ever had. He took into account things I’d told him and planned thoughtful activities around them. I felt cared for, spoiled, really seen. We ended up at his place and slept together. He wanted me to stay the night, but it felt like things were moving a bit too fast for me, so I took the last train home. Before leaving, I told him I’d love to see him again. He said something like “yeah, of course.”
On the train back we texted — he told me he was happy about the day and sent me heart emojis. I went home smiling.
The next day, I waited to see if he’d reach out. Around noon he did: he sent me an Instagram reel that referenced a joke from our date. I immediately replied asking how his day was going… and then nothing until late evening, when he sent a very generic update about hanging out with friends. He didn’t ask about my day, but I told him anyway, and I added, “I was really glad when you texted me.”
He answered: “Didn’t want to bother you.”
I reassured him I always enjoy talking to him and never see it as bothering. He reacted with a heart emoji.
And that was it. Radio silence since then.
Now I’m torn. On one hand, people say “if he wanted to, he would.” On the other hand, he did reach out with that reel when he could’ve just let things fade. Part of me wonders if that means something. But maybe the truth is just that he’s not that into me.
TL;DR: Amazing chemistry online, great first date, slept together, he texted afterwards with hearts, then the next day he only sent a reel + a generic message, and now silence. Should I keep hope because he did reach out? Or accept he’s probably not interested?
8 comments
Yeah sounds like a typical hit and quit.
He’a probably not interested. He may have been only interested in a hookup. Sorry!
Sounds like you like him but you want to be chased.
I’m confused, how long has it been since y’all texted?
Trust your gut feelings.
It can be anything but if he doesn’t come up with anything concrete for this weekend move on. Don’t chase
Not always, but almost always. My sense from reading this is that you are more into him than he is into you.
Honestly
1) it seems like a lot of communication really fast
2) he might just enjoy a fleeting hookup
3) you got to match energy, sure circling back around to check in is okay , but you can always be asking or the one to start conversations
4) if he isn’t matching your energy then he isn’t for you or you need to reflect if you’re throwing too much out there to start
Did you tell him you felt like things were moving a bit too fast? It’s possible he’s trying to give you some space (“didn’t want to bother you”), which it sounds like you might have signaled you wanted (if you did). Or he’s not that interested. Talking to him openly about this would clarify.