I’m 25, and ever since I graduated college my mom (60, immigrant) has been on a full-time mission to marry me off. In her mind, the worst thing a woman can be is an “old bride.” Meanwhile, she didn’t even meet my dad until she was over 30.
Lately, it’s escalated as she’s been giving out my pictures, number, and socials to random men back in our home country, and constantly trying to set me up with her friends’ kids. By the way, it’s not like I’m tragically ugly or insufferable, I have had 3 long term relationships, 2 of which were decent men and another handful of prolonged situationships.
The problem is I’ve told her repeatedly that I’m not in the headspace to date. It’s literally all we talk about and I’m so close to cutting her off because it’s so annoying. My last relationship was abusive and left me needing serious time to heal, I’ve also gained weight and don’t feel like dating until I’m comfortable in my own skin again. I’m focusing on myself, my career, and just having peace. Like I have been a serial dater since i was 14, give me a break omg.
But if I don’t text these guys back, my mom loses it. She’ll yell, call me a bad daughter, and tell me I don’t care about her happiness. And her vetting skills? Freaking abysmal. Her only requirements are:
- “age appropriate” (up to a 15-year gap)
- has a bachelor’s degree
- she likes his mom (so she assumes he was “raised well” and therefore must be a perfect guy)
Like girl what :/
She once told me that as long as a man has two eyes and can walk then he’s attractive enough. And consistently given me the world’s worst relationship advice. I do not trust her to find me a good guy tbh.
I do want to get married and have kids someday. But I want a partner who sees me as an equal, not someone who expects me to quit my career and become a maid/nanny, being a SAHM would genuinely be my worst nightmare. Every FOB I’ve dated from my background has either tried to control me or been green with envy either from my upbringing or current achievements. Hard pass.
I also humored her the first time she did this by talking to the man because she was twisting my arm so damn much. he was a total weirdo by my standards.
I also personally don’t have a hard goal to get married before my 20s end. I’d rather wait and find someone I’d like to stay with for the rest of my life.
I’ve begged my dad and brother to intervene, but she won’t listen. Instead she guilt-trips me with, “I just want what’s best for you” or “I just want you to be happy.” Meanwhile she’s pressuring me to freeze my eggs, as if my entire worth is tied up in producing grandchildren. It’s overwhelming and exhausting. I feel like I’m being goaded into breeding.
To make things worse, some of my friends think I’m overreacting. They actually want to be married right now and would love for their moms to set them up.
Should I just let my mom continue to set me up with these obviously incompatible men and hope I get lucky? if I’m not crazy how do I get her to stop?
I’ll also accept commiseration if no advice lol, I just feel crazy.
TL;DR: My mom keeps matchmaking me with random men, guilt-tripping me when I don’t respond, and even pushing me to freeze my eggs. I’m not ready to date and she won’t accept it.