I had a second date with a woman last night. We’ve had nice conversation on each date and her energy has been fun for me. We got one drink at a bar and then went to dinner where we had another drink as well.
She was expressing some anxiety about driving (she was maybe feeling a little tipsy) so I invited her back to my apartment, which was close by, to take some more time before driving. I wasn’t really thinking of or expecting us to get physical and I’m definitely not pushy in that respect but wouldn’t have been opposed to it if it happened.
While we were at my apartment I was trying to create a comfortable atmosphere. I figured it was her first time in my space and she didn’t fully know who I was yet. She was checking out the books on my bookshelf and we were chatting about various things, etc. and there was decent chemistry.
Part of me wanted to initiate physical contact (we hadn’t kissed yet at this point) but I had a few reservations. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to reciprocate under the circumstances and also I think that when alcohol is involved early on I feel a little more hesitant.
I wondered if I should be making a first move because I’ve felt in the past that there has been an expectation that I should be the one doing it. In the past I’ve had women tell me that I’ve been too polite, etc. if I took my time with it but my instinct is to be a bit cautious about initiating. I think sometimes the pressure of being the one who should be making the first move makes it feel kind of inauthentic or even predatory to me and I don’t love that.
She left a bit later and so I walked her to her car. As she left I asked if I could kiss her and so we did.
So anyway, I’m wondering about other peoples’ experiences with that pressure to make the first move.
I’m also wondering about how people prefer for the physical contact to start. More recently I’ve just been asking people if it’s okay, because I figure that if it’s a woman with a good head on her shoulders she wouldn’t really think badly of me if I did.