TL;DR: How do/did you know a relationship wasn't enough for you? How did you handle it? Did you regret any decisions made?
I (31F) am in a 5 year long term relationship with my boyfriend (37M). We’ve lived together (in the home I own) over 4 years and have two dogs (one I had prior to the relationship, one we got together 3 years ago). In the last year, we have seriously talked about getting married and having kids/what that would look like. I think he is planning to propose soon, and unfortunately, while we were on vacation this past week I have this LOUD nagging thought of “this isn’t enough for me.” I’m terrified that if I try to end things, he will be completely caught off guard and broken.
I broke up with him last November because he wasn’t taking care of himself and that was affecting our relationship tremendously. He promised a lot of change, and I gave him a second chance after a ridiculous about of on his knees begging. And there was a lot of change! He’s on depression medication and even started seeing a therapist (that he stopped seeing this summer though). He’s been on and off unemployed our whole relationship, so there’s been this constant dynamic of me putting in more effort in than him financially, emotionally, and around the house. Seems like the focus is always on what he has going on, and I am forgotten about or deprioritized constantly.
I’ve hit a point where I’m seeing that he relies on me for so much, but I never feel like I can rely on him in the same way. It feels less like a partnership, and it’s causing a lot of resentment and contempt for him on my sides. I’ve found myself being easily annoyed and sometimes mean, which isn’t my personality.
I think that I’m just now being honest with myself and trying to stop making excuses for him in our relationship. I think the truth that this relationship isn’t enough for me has been too hard for me to admit, but I'm still confused. It still is heart wrenching because there has been so much growth from him, but I can’t keep waiting forever for him to be a version that might be enough for the relationship.